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Life changes...

zenjetset's picture

Happy Wednesday! I've not been on ST in a couple of weeks mainly because I've been busy with my new PT job that has FT hours and have also been running my small business. Which I'm not complaining at all about because honestly I've been focused on ME (bold double underline ME!!). And...because I have informed my FH that he is to deal exclusively with his crap of an xwife and rude kids, that I had enough of the abuse from all three (bm, two daughters). I told him I would be here to support him and OUR relationship and would do anything for US. Suddenedly, my life became much simpler! I work 7 days a week the only time I devote to the skids is eowe Friday when I leave work early to pick them up. Oh, yeah I make dinner once or twice, which after this past weekend I'm going to have to rethink that too.

You see, I've had to change my way of dealing with my situation not because I want to be mean or unkind, but because it was making me angry that as much as I did no one seemed to appreciate it and in fact was taking more and more liberties with me and my kindness. Now, I come first, my relationship 2nd and everything else after that. Before I was running arround making things happen for FH and his xfamily because I wanted everything to be good for the girls because they make him happy. But I started observing a pattern, one that distrubed me...I was cooking, cleaning, chasing details of who did what to who and when to have evidence for when not if we went to court, I worried daily about all the harrassing calls bm makes to FH and the relentless texts she sends, so much so I gave up my phone to FH to give him some peace of mind only for him to turn around and tell his daughters I had his phone and that's why he didn't get the calls one Saturday! Yep...I regardless of what I did and do was being blamed for things that well, I shouldn't be. I'm the escape goat.

Well, no more. I took myself right out of the equation. I got my phone back, told FH deal with your shit, told step daughters don't count on me to make you lunch, dinner or to solve your disputes with each other, don't tell me about what your mother does or doesn't allow you to do or say, because this is my house and my rules apply. If you don't understand the rules ask. If you can't obey the rules then don't come back until you can.

Then by the grace of God and the all mighty universe I worked all weekend and FH had to deal with his crappy past all by himself.

Don't get me wrong, I love him very much but I don't have to love or deal with his past just because he doesn't or because he won't or because he can't or because he refuses to or because he asks my opinion and then does the complete opposite and then excuses his behavior by saying it was because of the kids. Really?! Then keep going down that path all on your own, because I don't have to hold your hand as you go down the path only to have you say... Oh, I should have listened to you!

Anyway, life has been busyand it's been great...for ME!!!

Comments

zenjetset's picture

Thanks A.D! I'm glad to be back at least while I sit at this red-light. I'll be on later tonight and catch up on everyones life these days.

majka's picture

Smile Wonderful! Congrats on taking that stance, and taking care of yourself! I am new here, but I look forward to reading your posts! Have a wonderful rest of the week Smile

zenjetset's picture

My wonderful man is adapting. Wink he thinks the job is great for me, but he says he misses me. He had his first weekend alone with kids and I could tell he was not happy, though he didn't say much except that the kids had not given him a break since he got home. The kids hugged and kissed me as if I had been lost or something. DH is making his adjustments to his life, he isn't calling me every single time BM calls or text to tell me and he is also only talking to me about issues every once in a while not every second of everyday.

In fact, I spoke with the paralegal today who said that she has never talked to a man who was so in love and happy. Hmmmm, maybe he is trainable?! lol

zenjetset's picture

LMAO! That's so true. My FDH he for the most part is really easy to modify, I usually only have to get out of my skin a couple of times before he clues in that the madness of me is due to all the insanity and it's become our reality that we live and shouldn't be AT ALL living! BUT we allow it to creep up on us and then suddenly the atomic bomb goes off because of the stress.

If we were left alone, just he and I we would be 1000% wonderful, but we are not. X creeps her ugly snake head out of the caverns daily to remind us that we are not alone - she is still there.

ugh! it does get better, I believe.

starfish's picture

Good for you Zen.... and congrats on the job, the small business and the happiness you have found.....

awesome post, sounds like something i should try....

i'm very happy for you!! Smile

zenjetset's picture

Yes, I encourage and empower all of you to go out and find your own happiness rather than be stuck in someone elses past. After all we are in love and in a relationship with our SO not with their xwife and or skids. When those two other parts start to change who you are (me from a happy person to an angry person) it's time to take a step back and realize that's not what you want to be. Furthermore, when you realize nothing you have dine or do is appreciated and at times it's used against you or as an excuse then you tell yourself it's time to find more to live for, more to be for you than for others, and you do what you need to do. I had my entire schedule revolving around the skids schedule, my DH work schedule, etc...I was left without my own life and no one was changing their schedule for me. Now...hahahaha, they all have to deal with it. And beauty is, they are whether they like it or not.

they8ntmine's picture

Yeah Good for you Zen..

Glad to hear about your job and your business.. I was just wondering the other day what you've been up to.. haven't seen you in awhile.