Feeling hopeful-follow up interview this afternoon. But also sad and let down
because I've given the SD17 situation alot of thought over the weekend.
First-the hospital called this morning, and want to do a follow up interview for the receptionist position. It's not 40 hours a week, but hey, it's a start! Hoping it's offered to me.
I've been doing alot of soul searching over SD17. The boasting from one poster about her SD19 being barred from the house was upsetting, distrubing.
Yes, there were times I actively felt like I hated SD17. When the games she and H were playing, at ruling my home, at rudeness and insolence being allowed, were more than I could handle.
I never barred her from this house, tho. I sent her the email, hoping she would apologize-or at the very least change her behaviour when she did come. It has been her choice not to cross the doorstep again. Because, I guess, knocking is such an insulting thing to ask her to do. But I did make it clear to H that while I felt she has the option of not coming here, I would never stand in his way of going to see her.
It does sadden me, because I've known this girl for a long time. And watching H ignore, and often join in, with her "princess" attitude, was so hard. Not only because of how it affected me directly, but because she was walking down the wrong road, and no one bothered to try to show her the way.
Now that H has seen the video her school mate sent him, they speak very little. She is ignoring the whole thing, and H, once again, is letting her. H claims that at 17, she's too old to do anything with. He seems to think that telling her she "broke his heart" again is all he needed to say. I think, no, she needs to apologize to the girls attacked in that filty video. She needs to own what she did.
But my opinion is worthless. My bs was a handful-but while SD17 tends to damage others instead of herself, my bs was damaging himself, not others. But that video, intended to hurt a couple of other girs (which I'm sure it did) is more damaging to SD17 than she'll ever realize. My bs did plenty to get himself in hot water-but never brought anyone else down. I fought, I cried, I walked the hard road with him, and he got thru it and thanks me to this day for not giving up on him. He's a great guy.
I know we are living in a strange on the edge of splitting situaiton, and I know that anger and dislike towards SD17 is a normal reaction, under the circumstances.
But it is so very sad that neither of her parents will step up and try to turn this kid around onto the right path.
- bewitched's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Hugs to you, bewitched. In
Hugs to you, bewitched. In the midst of everything, ex-fh once said he felt like I always focused on the negative because of this site. He said he thought that I was too worried about situations like yours. It wasn't so much the situation; although, that was not what I would want for the twins. It was a fear of my feelings of almost hatred and anger and dislike that could come with that situation. Throughout those nine months, I tried to be positive but realistic about what he was asking me to stay for. And, having seen how he handled the whole thing in the end, I'm afraid for the twins that they will end up with one parent who will allow them to do horrible things and manipulate them and another parent who will bend over backwards to keep them in his life. It's a sticky situation. You are a strong woman, my friend. I don't think I could have done what you have.
To every thing there is a season.
Thanks Ana-the sad thing is, H won't try, one way or the other
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
for this girl. I mean, the only way he tried was throwing money her way, being the "fun", "cool" Dad. But the hard stuff-the basics-no.
The worst is what he said after he watched the video, and told me about it. I personally did not see it, don't want to.
But his comment to me was how he was sad because "it's hard to lose a child". Okkkkk-Mr. Extremist. He encouraged her attitude here...which by that, gave approval for her to mistreat others. And now that he sees what she's become-he's what-saying she's not his kid. The vid was apparently pretty vulgar and nasty. BUT-you don't walk away from your kid when they are so obviously screwing up, unless they've done something so totally unforgiveable, something so vile, that you cannot live with it-you do the hard part and be a friggin parent!
Guess H is treating his relationships just like he has his finances-something Suzy Ordman made an observation about.
good luck with the interview!
It does seem like your luck is turning.
I don't have any advise on SD17, only prayer.
One can only hope!
"it's hard to lose a child"
Wow, no wonder you're sad. I don't blame you. That's no way to parent a child: to wilfully blind yourself to any behavior that might prove your kid isn't perfect, and then when the proof is too clear to ignore, just give up and push her away, using a verb like "lose" so that you can act like it was not your fault and there's nothing you could have done about it.
Bewitched, there's probably nothing you can do. You can't make him be a better father. If he was really willing to listen to you, then you could work together. But he doesn't want to hear you, he doesn't want to change. If he did, you wouldn't be on the brink of ending the marriage.
I'm sitting here trying to think of some advice to end this with, so my comment won't be such an unhelpful downer. Maybe I'm not that smart. I think the only thing I can say is, this is not a situation you created, and apparently, it's not one you can change. My advice? Sadly, quietly, continue to disengage, and look forward to a brighter future.
Good luck with the interview!
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
Good luck on the interview.
Good luck on the interview. Hopefully things will turn out. Do you know yet when they are wanting to make a decision by? Hopefully it won't be to long after this next interview.
It is horrible how he is giving up on SD17 she maybe 17 but she is still his daughter and she is still a minor. I guess in his mind its easier to give up then try? This is even beyond "tough " love for your kid.
Awww... BW
Chin up girl.
I hate to say it, but it doesn't sound like your H is ever going to "get it". Even with that video, he just doesn't.
How did the interview go?? Gimme the details!
And hang in there, good things happen to good people, and you're good 'people'