The way I despise thee, let me count the ways.
I cant stand the thought of her, I cant imagine if I saw her again what I would do...She is the babymomma...
I call her "the babymomma" because she has never in my opinion been a mom/parent. She only know labor pain that's about it, but she doesn't know what her daughters favorite color is or the type of sports her son is getting better at. A lot of me wishes she wasn't their (stepkids) biological parent. I often question how a parent could do what she has done, from putting them in foster care to having them around drugs all the way to now, straight up deserting them!
I often tell myself I did not sign up for this! I signed up to be in a relationship with their father and to be the best example to them as I could be. But never to be a full time step-mom!
I was reading something in an article the other day from a step mom who once vented to some girlfriends about the things she didn't sign up for. Her friends response was this, "If you got with him then its a package deal and you have to deal with it"! But her response was much more clever she said, "So if you go buy a used car off a person and 5 days later its stalling and everything stops working, do you just let it slide because its a package deal"? Heck no! realistically anybody would march over to the seller and demand our money back for the piece of junk!
Sometimes when people don't know what your going through with stepkids its easy for them to say whatever they want, but we all know here its a tough game and only the strong survive! So whenever I think of my BFs ex and her sad little life I try my hardest to think about all she has missed out on from birthdays to deep secrets from her kids. Its the only thing that honestly gets me through all the frustration of being forced to raise them. Iam stronger than her, because I chose to stick around when I didn't have to, nor wanted to at times. If your reading this and in a similar situation let that be your silver lining, that your best is all you can do and your much stronger than you think give yourself some credit and a drink!!!
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Comments
These kind of stories break
These kind of stories break my heart. I have my BS6 and I can't imagine putting drugs, men, etc before him and I certainly can't imagine abandoning him!!! OMG I just don't know how you live with yourself knowing that you have a child(ren) that you know nothing about.. like you said.. what that child's favorite color is, or how the kid loves Star Wars or what his teacher's name is etc. I just.can't.fathom. These women have to have a screw loose or something. It's not natural to abandon your offspring.
Everything the kids do
Everything the kids do negative or positive directly affects me, my bf has horrible discipline skills so I have to be creative. So If I completely left the kids under his discipline there would be none and I would be losing my mind. Its sad to say this but when I make up a new rule or give a consequence he just agrees mostly because he works almost all day until 1am.
The BM is not around at all she is somewhere in California In a psych ward last we heard. Unfortunatly he doesn't have an acting participant with the kids. Thank you ladies for the comments!!!
your right, I have to say
your right, I have to say what I'm not going to do and let DH take it from there. I this SS is babied compared to how I grew up and I no longer want to support DH if its not helping SS. Thank you!!
"Also please always remember,
"Also please always remember, this is your choice. You do not have to do this. He does have to be responsible for and take care of his child. You don't. If you do, that is a choice you freely made."
Technically this is true. However, life isn't always black and white. Sometimes we fall in love at inconvenient times or with inconvenient people (with and EX and 2 kids..lol).
I imagine that the OP is a nice person and that the two of them are trying to work out how to deal with the situation. I think that the OP needs to be more forceful and advocate for herself. It is NOT fair for him to make unilateral decisions about his child if she is the one that will be stuck doing the work.
Right now, I think she needs to go to him and say. "you know, I supported you when you thought SS should be home schooled but I have come to realize that I am NOT qualified or able to deal with this situation and your son needs a more structured environment than I can give him. We are doing no favors by letting him get further and further behind because he can't keep up with the material on his own and I have a limited ability to MAKE him.
This is so wrong. Your BF is
This is so wrong. Your BF is using you plain and simple. What would he do if you weren't there? He'd have to step up. But he's lazy and just allowing you to do it. Blah.
I have felt like he is too,
I have felt like he is too, but I never say it. I always try to understand other peoples lives and I do see he works long hours to provide and still squeezes in time for the kids. But trust me sometimes I think am I just here as molly maid and a babysitter, cuz at times I do feel like a single parent or single step-parent.
Me too. But I love my SS.
Me too.
But I love my SS. I'd be out if he were a little shit.
Hon - you are not the kids
Hon - you are not the kids mother you have no responsibilities towards raising the child. If the skid behaves and respects you by all means, help out
but you entered in a relationship with a man, not his Ex, thus ignore the woman 200% you owe her nothing not even the time of day light.... you do not have to talk to her or give your phone number to her... your DH should handle her.