DH just left
And i have no idea where he went. We had a big fight yesterday about SS and me wanting a baby and he just left. He and I don't have that kind of relationship. We rarely fight and he knows that is unacceptable. We had a fight once before and he said he was going to his mother's for the night and I made it very clear that wasn't happening. I told him if he ever left like that he would leave for good. His parents are divorced and he pretty much learned from his father if there is a disagreement it is better to walk away. I was not brougt up like that and I was always taught to talk things out.
I went for a run earlier, i asked him to come and he refused. I went alone and when I came back he was leaving in the car. I called after him and he sped off. I called him and he said he was going out. Now he is not answering and I feel like shit. This is not ok w me and I feel we need to talk. As it is I was feeling pretty shitty but this is so not ok. He is always so passive agressive and can never talk about anything. I just don't know what to do.
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Stop trying to talk to him.
Stop trying to talk to him. Wait for him to come to you. If he doesn't then you know how mch he cares about the situation you are in and you can make choices accordingly.
You can't make him communicte, you can't make him talk, or listen, or be present. Take the pressure off and see if he will come to you. If he doesn't then you know where you stand.
I'm sorry he is being such an immature twit
It's awful to be in your
It's awful to be in your situation! One of the main things that couples who enjoy long, satisfying marriages have is the ability to have arguments. It sounds silly, but really, ALL couples are going to disagree. What makes or breaks your marriage is HOW you fight it out. Do both parties have the maturity and confidence to discuss the situation, or is it all about scoring points?
I hate fights, and my husband sometimes just can't let things go. I will tell him calmly that I don't like how he's talking to me, and that he needs to stop yelling at me, or saying dickish things, and if he can't just bring himself to calm down, I leave. I go out for coffee, to the library, whatever. We haven't had one of those for a while, but I really didn't have a choice - he was totally out of line, and I couldn't stay and listen to it any longer. However, if someone peels out of the driveway and cuts off phone contact the minute the argument isn't going his way, then that's pretty awful. It's emotionally abusive, IMO.
You need to PAY ATTENTION now. This kind of thing does not get better on its own. You don't have children together YET, and you are responsible for bringing a child into the best world you possibly can. This ugly fighting needs to be worked out before you have kids, for their sake and yours.
Of course maybe he just
Of course maybe he just really needed some away time. As optimal as it is for the couple to immediately, rationally discuss the issue, sometimes that is just not feasible. I believe in talking things out, but I have needed "away time" to calm down and think and DH texting and calling and pushing me to talk about it right now on his terms just made it even worse.
Give him a little space and let him come to you to talk. If he comes home and tries to avoid it, you might have to say look, we have to resolve this and talk.
One poster said walking away/driving away and cutting off contact is emotionally abusive, but is it not emotionally abusive to force someone to stay in a confrontational situation where they have a "fight or flight" kick in and need to get away? To have someone compromise for you, you must compromise for them as well. The end goal isn't winning, its resolving in a mutually beneficial circumstance.
I hope things worked out for OP and her DH.
I said peeling out of the
I said peeling out of the driveway & cutting off contact the minute the argument doesn't go his way is abusive. I agree with you that having someone follow you around hammering at you is abusive too, & I leave when my husband does that. At that point we're not arguing, we're not discussing, he's attacking and I won't play that way. OP is the only one who knows which side of the coin best describes her situation, but they need to figure it out before they have kids. IMNSHO.
DH did this to me once. It
DH did this to me once. It drove me insane. Wr rarely fight but the next fight I walked out and he was so upset. I told him thats how it feels so we made a new rule that we go to seperate rooms to cool off. No one leaves the house. We have not hadva fight since so I am not surebif it will work.