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When they don't want to leave BM at pick up

WWSMD's picture

Submitted by WWSMD on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 2:02pm

I hope I'm not the only one this has happened to. We went to pick up the kids for mid week visitation they didn't want to leave for whatever reason. DH kept telling him its time to go. BM asked can they just stay this once. DH told the kids he cant force them to leave but he will be very upset if they don't come. BM actually started with the water works and the twins were mad at DH for hurting their mommy's feelings and trying to take them away from her. BM told the kids they don't ever have to go to their dad's house if they don't want to because he is the one they left them anyways. Yes I witnessed PAS with my very own eyes. DH took out the CO and explained to the kids how he can't force them to leave but the paper from the judge says that this is the time they spend with daddy and after dinner is over they will be going back home to BM. SD got in the car and he carried the two twins into the car crying and screaming for mommy. Did we do the right thing? How should we go about it next time?

Comments

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 2:10pm

What a dumb bitch. I don't understand how these women do not understand how they are damaging their children.
Yes you did the right thing.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 2:31pm

This is not the kids' choice or decision. The COURT said this is DH's time with them, so BM is legally required to comply.

Next time, just shut it down. No need for DH to explain what BM already knows.

I would suggest reading the book "Divorce Poison" to get some good pointers on how to combat PAS being done by the other parent.

You guys did the right thing .. good for you Smile

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 2:33pm

I will also add that this does seem to get better over time. My skids used to cry at every exchange, regardless of which parent they were going to/from.

The quicker you make the exchanges, the better. There should be no drawn out conversations or discussions. If the kids are crying and whining, just pick them up and go. Think of it like a band-aid .. the faster you get it over with, the faster you can get on with things and get over it.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 6:12pm

I think you did the right thing.
And to combat the PAS just tell the kids when they are calmed down that Mommy AGREED in COURT that they would spend time with DH. Mommy signed the paper that agreed to this 'promise'. And it is not right to break promises.

Oh and tell BM the next time she tells the kids they do not have to go with him he is likely to be recording the conversation and presenting it in court as an example of Parental Alienation.

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Thu, 07/04/2013 - 7:27am

You were right not to give in because it would set a precedent. But in explaining why they are coming with their Dad i wouldn't make it about the court and visitation papers, that is meaningless to a child and may just give them the sense that some external force is obliging them to leave their mother. The real reason they need to go with DH is that their relationship is important, he loves them and its his job to look after them. I would say 'I am your Dad, it's important that we spend time together, I love you very much' and then remove them as quickly and gently as possible. I would also follow up later by telling them that Daddy did not leave them and never will, daddy and mommy just could not live together happily so now they have their own houses.