Plenty of young single dads out there too. I can't really say...since I didn't want to date anyone when I was young! I didn't marry dh until I was 37. And he was 10 years younger and already had a kid.

I can say for myself, I didn't really look at the situation very realistically. I saw this great charismatic, fun guy. And oh well he has kids. They seem ok. Yeah... I wish I had found this site or had someone to talk to BEFORE hand. I wish someone could have warned me of what was to come. I figured we would all ride off in the sunset and live happily ever after. SD10 really wasnt so bad at first. I didn't know about the school issues, peeing her pants, BM issues, or attitude until we moved in together. She seemed to not mind me until I kicked her out of her dads bed and set rules.

There's a very interesting article in the current edition of the Atlantic magazine regarding marriage in the current day. The articles examines the lack of men who are "marriage material" these days. It also provides a great historical perspective of how the definition of "marriageable" has changed throughout the ages. I was surprised that the author didn't address the single father trend and the financial impact of those with pre-existing families but that only further narrows the pool of eligible men. With women being accomplished and self supporting it has changed the dynamic and criteria and is being translated into new marriage trends.

Here's the snippet and link:

All the Single Ladies
Recent years have seen an explosion of male joblessness and a steep decline in men’s life prospects that have disrupted the “romantic market” in ways that narrow a marriage-minded woman’s options: increasingly, her choice is between deadbeats (whose numbers are rising) and playboys (whose power is growing). But this strange state of affairs also presents an opportunity: as the economy evolves, it’s time to embrace new ideas about romance and family—and to acknowledge the end of “traditional” marriage as society’s highest ideal.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladie...

I was naive. I liked kids. I had no idea how hard it would be. He was handsome. He was wanted to commit (which was a rarity). He moved it along quickly and I got caught up in it.

One of the things that attracted me to DH was the fact that he was a divorced dad who didn't run away from his obligations. He was a good dad and was very involved in raising SS-then2.

When we got together, it was absolutely nothing like it is now, so I had no clue. As corny as it sounds, falling so madly in love with each other just blinded me to the potential nightmares. We just so perfectly fit together and made me feel like I met the person who was specifically made just for me. I couldn't deny our love. Also, right before we got together I was in a serious car accident and suffered severe neck, back, leg, and hip damage which left me permanently in pain every day since. It was so bad that I had to give up on going to law school as my body just couldn't handle it. I was very depressed as I am so young and already so damaged. At the time, to me, I felt like he was the one getting into the bad situation because of all of my problems and the fact that with age they will only get worse. He was so sweet, compassionate, caring, loving, and supportive about all of it that it just made me fall for him even more. It made me think that if he would support me through chronic pain issues and procedures, then we could get through anything and I could support him with his issues.

With all of that being said, if I knew then what I know now, I don't know if I would have ever got involved with him. I warn everyone I know about not getting involved with someone with kids.

You know, when I met DH, we were on a blind date set up by a mutual friend. Obviously no skids on the date... there wasn't even any mention of them. Then our next date, we went out to dinner, no skids again obviously. The next time we got together, he did bring his kids to meet me, but it was for maybe an hour. Then as our dating continued again, it was dinner, movies, etc all of which did NOT include kids.

I guess where I am going with this, is (at least for me) during that 8 months that we dated before we moved in together, skids were rarely a part of the mix. He only had them every other weekend or so, I had a busy life, so when we would get together for a night out, or just cuddle time at home, obviously the kids were never part of the mix. It was during this time that I fell head over heals for DH. Once I moved in with him and was with him 24/7 (other than work) was when I started seeing the ugly side of skids and BMs and the whole step life in general, but for me it was already too late, I already loved the man.

It's one of those situations you can't possibly understand until you are involved -- and EVERY situation is different!

I think when young women get involved with a guy with kids, you think "Yay! I get to have fun with kids because I love kids! They will love me and I will love htem and they will be so excited to see me, becase they won't get to see me all the time!" For someone that does love kids, it seems to fit right into a young woman's life. She still gets free time with her boyfriend who doesn't have full custody, yet also gets to "play house" and be the fun stepmom.

We all know this goes sour the moment she becomes disenfranchised by the someone telling her that she's JUST dad's girlfriend -- you're not a FAMILY, you're JUST his gf! You have no say in my child's life! And the list goes on...

Look at ANY relationship you've been in -- we all know that the first 6-12 months we wear our rose-colored glasses and think everything will be just swell. And in ANY relationship we gradually have to look at the reality of the situation we are in, whether there are skids involved or not, and discover the flaws and weigh the flaws against the thigns we love and determine whether we shoudl stay or not. That's life. That's relationships. To each their own.

I became best friends with my husband. Just before he and I actually met eachother and got to talking to eachother, I had some medcal issues and ended up have a complete hystorectomy. It was (is) devistating. To know in your heart, that you are never going to be able to have a child of your own... Then you meet this great man. He is witty, charming, caring, intrigueing... and he has became your best friend. WOW... and to top it all off, he has children...

I am hurting, still after amlost 6 years of the medical procedure I had to have, but as my hubby would tell me "I have been blessed by the grace of God with 4 beautiful step children. So, thanks to my husband, I have 4 children.

Never in a million years did I ever think that BM would be such a hypocritical idiot....

My issues did not start until this year with the BM...

It looks like most of the post I see on here are quite a few years old. They still help to see that I'm not alone and get a different perspective. When I met my now husband I had no intentions of long term, however I ended up falling for the guy. He was 11 years older with two teen girls, they were all great. We talked about having a child aince I didnt have any and ge was at first against it. He thought about it abd decided it wasnt fair for me not to have kids just because he already had his, long story short we ended up getting married and trying to have a kid, never happened. We didnt try but for a month or so and I got extremely sick with UC and it stayed that way for 3 years. So when I was 31 and gone through surgery to survive he was now 42, the kid thing went out the window. I thought I would eventually be okay with it but I'm not, however, I am now almost 35 and it would be pointless to leave and start over. For whatever reason it was not in Gods plan for me to be a mother and it breaks my heart every day. I've thought about moving away and just being alone so I didn't resent him for not having a child. I did bring up adoption but that was a no good too.