I cannot believe what I just heard..LIVID>>STEAMING!!!
A year ago, my SD25 just had her second baby and was shortly thereafter diagnosed with Bipolar. She was so bad that she had to be in the mental hospital for two weeks..and coupld not care for her almost newborn and 2 year old for almost 6 weeks. My DH and I took care of them for the most part. Her BM was not much help at all in the situation and has her own mental issues. SD has been stable for almost a year, but we have been wac=tching her very closely. Of late, my SD had shown some signs of relapse...not a fun thing at all. I have been doing whatever I can to buoy her up. She even told me the other day that she woul dbe cool with me coming over and helping her clean her house...something I am soooo happy for..as she was too anxious to get help before. SS just came home from BM (after being there for Christmas) and just told me that BM asked SD to help her with HER house. BM and her nuw husband live by themselves. WHY DO THEY NEED SD TO HELP THEM<@@ WHY DO THEY NOT CARE ...OR EVEN SEE THAT SHE IS STRUGGGLING RIGHT NOW...IM MAD....STEAMING.... SD told her mom that she would think about it. I dont know how..or even if ..I should approach her about it!! SHe has a 1 y/o and 3 y/o. VENTING AGAIN TODAY!!
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Do you know if SD is still on
Do you know if SD is still on her meds? It is quite common for someone who is bipolar to quit their meds when they are feeling good - then they start feeling bad and don't have the meds to help.
Depending on your relationship - are you in a position to suggest she touch base with her psychiatrist? If possible, I would try and gently suggest she not help BM right now - she needs to spend her energy on herself and her own house.
Guess it goes without saying that BM is a selfish b**ch.
SD is lucky to have you looking out for her.
she is still on her meds..but
she is still on her meds..but the doc has been switching her around a bot lately because of anxiety. She goes to the psychologist every other week or so...
I am thinking about calling
I am thinking about calling her..but I would probably talk to her husband about this. He is really great at letting me know how she is doing and when she might need my help..in case she doesnt call. Then I can call..and we are covered. He works 12 hour shifts...so he is gone 7 to 7 daily. The VERY HARD thing is that if they know that I know..then they know that SS16 is the one who mentioned it to me. IDK what BM thinks..BUT she always unloads all the crap on SD. It makes me so sick right now..we almost lost her last year. JI just cannot sit back and say nothing..YET...if I do...her mom may(WILL) cause drama. I'm going to reach out to her husband ASAP and se what his thoughts are ..but SD cant really know..as she might get upset. TOUCHY TOUGH SIT+UATION
Arriving unannouced is
Arriving unannouced is possible, but it sometimes will trigger her anxiety too...when she is having a hard time like now. I arranged to spend Wednesday with her helping clean her house and I'll try to talk to her then..and feel her out. I do love her and her husband and their two babies. I have also been helping them with their budgeting..as that is a major problem too. I am so angry at her mom ...I could spit...but what else would I expect!! When I talked to her this evening she was pretty bad..but her husband is home from work this week..good (home) but bad ($)!! She is VERY nervous about when he goes back next week becasue she has a hard time waking up...but I told her not to worry..I'd help her...just take things a day at a time. She was almost in tears...and I could tell she was grateful....yet very anxious!! I homeschool my 12 year old who is ADD...so I need to get his all caught up this week so that I can help her when and if she needs. I have 4 boys at home myself (SS16, BS12, BS10 , BS9)so I am pretty busy anyways!!
Shes up and down right now
Shes up and down right now with the med change. She is sleeping till 10 every day..which will not be good after her husband goes back to work on the 4th. She has a 3 year old and a 1 y/o. The 3 y/o goes to preschool 2 mornings a week. He goes to work 7 AM to 7 PM ..
Thanks...beaccountable..I
Thanks...beaccountable..I appreciate your comments. I have stepped back before and she ended up almost committing suicide because she went manic and delusional. Her husband is too chill at times...and it was just super scary. I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO THIS... I want to help her so she doesn't end up back in the mental hospital. I will counsel them about the meds. Their doc is 1 1/2 hrs away. BS is CRAZY...and should be able to take care of her OWN HOUSE and not have SD help her. Just talked to SD husband and he tells me she is doing better...OK....and that they are thinking about they are thinking about her helping her mom clean (but for pay). This woman and her husband live with no kids..they can clean up after themselves for heavens sake!!
just re-read...Sd and her
just re-read...Sd and her husband are working together well. BM is trying to take advantage and not really caring about SD,.,,,,she never has shown she could. SD was 12 when I married her dad and I raised her along with SS15, SD8, SS3...and then we had three together. BM is WHACKED!!!
You are an unbelievably
You are an unbelievably caring and strong person to be there for your SD until she is stable again.
when I my husband 13 years
when I my husband 13 years ago, I also committed to be as good as a mom to the 4 skids as possible I NEVER refer to them as step-kids...just on here when venting. NOT AN EASY PATH>?>>>though..as I often as made to be the bad guy. When SD had her first baby,,,she pushed me away....for almost 8 months we had no contact....That nearly did me in...but I guess i learned my place and that I need to guard myself!! We have worked through allot and are in a much better plac now.. BM tells the skids what they want to hear....I never have. I am the one who guides them to the truth..even if it is a challenge. We have had long discussions about that. Life is not just about hearing what you want....its about knowing the truth,...and then making a decision from there. I don't trash their mom....YET I do feel like I am in constant competition. I made a couple of dresses for the 3 year old and ones to match her dolly. ..THEN her mom went out and bought a bunch of them. Guess I should have kept my mouth shut until after Christmas!! My mouth does me in sometimes. SD21 really doesnt have much do do with me, her dad or her siblings...except with here mom. BM just feeds them what they want to hear....and not good stuff about me. I raised this young lady..guided her....but she has chosen to strike out and rebel and make choices that are contrary to how she was raised. We love her anyways..have told her that. DH let her move out in the middle of her Senior HS year,...She moved in with her aunt (who gave her freedom....just what every teenager wants..right!!) and she has been on a downward slide ever since. She lives in town with here BF and works the night shift....too busy working and gaming to spend time with her siblings 16, 12, 10, and 9) or family. I am hoping that will change in time....but at least we are in a fairly good place relationship wise...in my opinion anyways!! ENOUGH FOR NOW....I COULD GO ON FOREVER SS16 goes every other weekend and gets attention from BM for trash talking me....dont get me started about that. He is special needs and ADD..and ..well..thats a whole other story!! SS27 is Autistic and lives in a group home..comes home on holidays.....etc
Thank you ..be accountable..I
Thank you ..be accountable..I really do appreciate you being honest with me....brings me back into perspective again..I sometimes need that..real friends tell you the truth..even if it is not the PC thing to do...you are awesome!! I did talk to her husband..and he is on top of things..so I am going to step back and enjoy my kids vaca. They have their budget under control (THEY)!! and thats great!! LOVE is hard at times..it means letting go..and letting them live their lives ...easier said then done!!
Ha..in a roundabout way...I
Ha..in a roundabout way...I contacted one of the leaders in my daughters church community ..which is also where BM lives now and discussed the situation with her. They have also been helping with my daughters family as much as possible. This kind lady made a call to BM and expressed her concern.... I may get some backlash..BUT.... oh well.. What is so STUPID AND CRAZY is that the BM acted as if she had no clue at all that SD was struggling.....she is either lying or absolutley cluless......probably both. I was planning on hosting a New Years Eve shin-dig with the whole fam (including BM)....re0thinking that now!!
I hope the church leader you
I hope the church leader you contacted was already aware of SD's bipolar. If she wasn't and you told her, that would be a huge violation of SD's trust.
You are doing a great job helping SD and her family. Perhaps you should limit yourself to helping her directly. Quit trying to make BM understand and help. It doesn't sound like she cares and she for sure doesn't want to hear it from you or your proxy.
She absolutely was. She is
She absolutely was. She is the LDS Relief Society President in my SD ward. She was one of the ladies who helped get SD through the last episode....no worries there. I TOTALLY agree with just helping her and not helping BM understand. The very hard part..is BM unloads on SD crud and drama that she shouldn't which is making it worse for her. I can do nothing about that at all. Ahh..so I also noticed that BM Blocked me on Facebook and then unblocked me....not a big deal for meal at all. She is the one missing out on all of the pics and posts...etc. The only thing I am worried about is that she may have passed it on to SD. I guess I will know when I go over to help her tomorrow.
OK...I am sore I..I am
OK...I am sore I..I am tired....ready to be done for the night....but I feel really good about being able to help SD today. The goal here...with her and the whole family..is to help her so she doesnt get to a state like she was last year. I KNOW in my heart that they are not taking advantage....not even a tiny but!!