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Salt, Pepper and ASS

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 1:56pm

Those of you who know anything about me know that I do not believe that kids have privacy in my house. I tossed my kids' rooms on a regular basis, required them to provide me with social media passwords, blah blah blah. Don't care if you agree with me or not on that - lol!!

In the past several months, as my disengagement has gotten stronger, I stopped snooping on BabyVoice and KarateKid, but not ASS. Why, you ask? Because he is a subversive m effer who likes to take things that don't belong to him. It has evolved into a little game - he will take something, I will notice that said thing is gone, he will leave the house, I will plug my nose, put on gloves and go locate said thing.

Here is the text message exchange between Echo and me last night Smile

Me - You will love this...two weeks ago when DH and I went to Costco, I picked up another bag of those Salt and Pepper Pistachios that you turned me on to. I had a few before I went to Chicago. Then I went to Chicago with you. Early last week I began to look for them and I couldn't find them. I have to hide things in the house so that ASS won't eat ALL of everything. He likes to steal food and he is not the least bit good about sharing.

Anyway, as the week went on I began to complain about how I couldn't find the damn bag of pistachios. How I had left them in my hiding spot - my new hiding spot - and now they were gone. DH said, "I bet ASS took them. He loves pistachios. I said, "oh, I KNOW he took them, I have no doubt." DH then said, "you know, they are allowed to eat food." I replied that of course they were allowed to eat food, but only a rude little pig eats all of everything and doesn't share with the other members of the house.

About 40 minutes ago, DH left to take ASS to his final band concert. No, I did not go. About 35 minutes ago, I went into ASS'S room, unzipped his backpack and what do you know? The whole bag of pistachios, along with a couple of muffins in individually wrapped bags and about 30 peanut granola bars.

Echo - AND THOSE ARE BIG ASS BAGS!!!WTF?? I'd ask him for $22 f**cking dollars.

I hope you took it all.

Me - Like Michael Corleone before me, I left the granola bars and muffins, but I took the pistachios. If he wants to subsist on granola bars, I don't GAF. When he steals a $22 bag of pistachios? yeah, I'm taking that back. I am so counting the days until that effer is out of my house.

Echo - will he acknowledge that you've been in his room and back pack or will he not give you that satisfaction of complaining? I'm guessing the latter.

Me - He won't say a word. It's the game we play. He knows I go in there. Never says a word. It's my passive aggressive way of letting him know that I know exactly who and what he is.

Echo - he doesn't have to - it's enough to know it pisses him off.

Me - yup. and THAT'S my reward

Comments

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 2:25pm

wow, in my house that bag would've been empty long ago!!! nuts dont last long at all with any of us Wink

i would have taken the granola bars and muffins too just for $#!ts and giggles }:) }:) }:)

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 5:04pm

Those sound sooooo good.
But pistachios make me have zits like a teenager.
I have to be happy with almonds and hazelnuts with the occasional walnut.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Submitted by NoWireCoatHanga... on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 2:42pm

He's allowed to eat, huh. I wonder if he would have had that response if it were his special $22 treat that he had procured just for himself and hidden away so that he and only he could enjoy it.

We too get the 30 count peanut or almond granola bars from Sams. We have no Costco.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 2:59pm

oh no, he eats it...as evidenced by the mountain of granola bar wrappers on the floor in his room.

He refuses to eat dinner when we eat. He refuses to eat in the presence of anyone. I imagine he is rather like a little mouse - sitting in the corner somewhere, shoving food in his face???

2badsosad's picture

Submitted by 2badsosad on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 3:24pm

You should have put his entire book bag on the kitchen table and took the nuts. That would have made a statement. LOL!

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 3:35pm

I did something close to that this morning.

I took the bag from my hiding spot and put it in my work tote bag. I made sure that the bag was sticking out of the top of my tote bag. As soon as I heard ASS stirring in his room, I put the bag on the kitchen table, right in the center.

ASS came out of his room, looked at the bag, looked at me and walked out of the house.

Whose nuts are bigger now????

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 3:44pm

BOOM.

Cadence's picture

Submitted by Cadence on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 4:10pm

Oh yeah, those are good! I recently went back to the Kirkland brand because they were a little cheaper, but I miss the Salt & Pepper.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Submitted by Stepped in what... on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 4:17pm

Your next purchase of nuts need to be chocolate covered nuts. Keep the bag when you're done and then cover some new nuts in exlax leave in said hiding spot. ASS will literally be loosing his ass.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 4:20pm

How many hours until ASS graduates? I know you said he had a couple of months to launch but me - I'd have his ass out on the street about 3 minutes after graduation.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Thu, 05/12/2016 - 8:33am

TBH, I think by this point I would just not even respond to DH's ridiculous comments anymore. He's just talking to himself anyway.

Plus, I admire your willpower. I think I'd be going into his room and tossing it while he's there after so many instances of him pulling this crap. None of this passive-aggressive stuff, I'd go aggressive. Or at least assertive.

Moe: Where are my pistachios?
DH: I bet ASS took them.
Moe: Whaaaat? Let's see.

With appropriate body armour, Moe enters ASS's room vewwwwy caawwwrrfuwwwy. Finds her pistachios and additional pirated booty. Removes said items.

DH: They're allowed food, you know. Just let him have it.
Moe: (Looks at DH, looks at backpack, looks at DH.)
Moe: I don't think I can do that, DH. I cannot submit to your authority.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 5:10pm

I had to stop buying the cartons of Luna Smores protein bars.
SD12 kept eating the entire box of them. The last straw was going into her room (I agree with your thoughts on entering kids rooms) and there were sooooooo many wrappers; so I went upstairs and checked and yep, in two days she ate 10 or so bars. No wonder she didn't want dinner that weekend.

She also recently polished off 8 white cheddar rice cakes in one day. Not hard. BUT they were for her, SD10 AND me for our lunches. Not for a meal. I got on her about that one and will never buy them again if SDs are around...The empty bag is still sitting in the cupboard. Along with another empty bag of what was pita chips. I'm letting the empties collect now. If no one else cares, neither do I...

lintini's picture

Submitted by lintini on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 5:22pm

Your DH sounds like mine when I get pissed when something special I hide goes missing or the empty box is just put back on the shelf.

Yes of course he is allowed food to eat, but if it's something I bought for my dang trip or a treat that I don't want inhaled in ONE SITTING ....DH you can go to the store ANYTIME and buy your kid what he wants.

We have cereal wars here. It makes my blood boil.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 05/11/2016 - 8:17pm

Too bad you didnt empty the bag of the nuts then fill the empty bag with cat poo and put THAT bag back in gis backpack. :evil:

Powerfamily's picture

Submitted by Powerfamily on Thu, 05/12/2016 - 1:55am

They're allowed food, you know. You should have replied Yes HE is allowed to eat, however he is not allowed to eat treats/snacks. As he has made it clear that HE is not part of this family so YOU do not buy treats/snack for him.

You will provide him 3 meals a day any snack either he or your dh will have to provide out of his money.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 05/12/2016 - 7:48am

we had a conversation about it last night on the way to my late uncle's memorial service. I told DH that while I have no problem with ASS eating food, I mean, DUH, I DO have a problem when he just ASSumes that anything he can find, he can have. The fact that he stole the whole freaking bag indicates that he KNEW he wasn't supposed to a) find them; and b) take the whole freaking bag.

It is a symptom of his entitled attitude about how the whole world owes him whatever he wants. ASShole.