This plays out by you taking time away from Steptalk to open an account at OKCupid. You go out with somebody else by tomorrow or this weekend. You come back here and tell us about your new dates. We help you vet the red flags.

You dodged a bullet with this one for sure! Like ChiefGrownup said... go join OKCupid and go meet someone else!

its nice when a man loves his children and cares for them with child support, but this needs be balanced with his new wife or girlfriend.

You sound like a real, normal, stand up person - please do not contact this POS. It's really a blessing in disguise all 'this' happened sooner rather than later, and that you have your act together and to realize what's really going on.

Sure, it sucks for now, but certainly not in the long run... Read the blogs - this skid shit is no joke. You can do better for yourself than a life of step hell.

IF he contacts you it will be:
"I am sorry. I am a dreadful person not to contact you..."
"Yes you are. It was very rude and cowardly of you. Frankly I expected better but obviously you are not up to that. Goodbye and do not call again."

"I know my kids are a little crazy but they have had such a tough time with the divorce and all..."
"No. Your ex has remarried and I am sure her husband doesn't put up with such immature behaviour. You are making excuses for your kids when 50% of the kids in America come from split families. Do not call me again."

"I miss you"
"You have the wrong number...CLICK!"

"Can wee just try again?"
"No. You want someone who I can never be. And you are someone I no longer want. Thank you for the get-out-of-jail card. Goodbye. If you call me again I will see about a Restraining Order. LEAVE ME ALONE YOU CREEP!"

"Vanessa, I was wrong..."
"FUCK OFF! Your kids are awful and I would feel more at home with rabid dogs. Your ex controls your testicles and your life. You are a weak man and a horrible father. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Babe..."
"The person you are calling doesn't give a fuck. Do not call again."

Sue2 is the fucking shit. Seriously, she is who I want to be when I grow up.
Honey I am so so sorry after reading both your blogs I just want to give you a huge hug.
My situation is very different. I was with my ex for six years and loved him in a crazy stupid way that I'd never experienced but we broke up not because of his kids but because of his obsession with fighting with his ex. He was never ever able to disengage from her and it finally was too much for me.
I will be honest this is been the hardest 12 months of my entire life. I've experienced depression like I have never gone through. Here is what helped me.
First of all copy and paste both your blogs into a word document that you can access whenever you start feeling low or uncertain. Second of all sit down right now and write down every single thing that you feel and everything that you felt during that day at the mall with his daughters. Dig deep, write down every awful incident you can think of and every heartbreaking moment you can think of in absolute gruesome detail. Save that document in the same place where you saved a copy of your blogs.
The next step for me it was to allow myself five minutes twice a day to cry my eyes out and feel heartbroken. Then wipe your eyes, fix your make up and reread all of those documents over again.
You are going to be OK

Maybe it's my pessimist side, but i have a feeling he is busy with his kids & will be back. I hope you remember how you feel right now when he calls. Do not take him back. Find yourself a new childless man that respects you and puts your needs first.

You will survive this and look back and be thankful you moved on. You deserve someone that treats you right. It sounds silly, but write a list of must haves and deal breakers. At the top of must have is a man with honor and the ability to be a partner. Top of deal breakers: any coward to the ex or kids. (I recommend no kids living at home as in launched but that's me). And don't do the sacrifice stuff again until you are secure. I understand your profession and most in that work want to fix things or make it better for those they care about. Just remember, you matter most and must be taken care of yourself first.

Vanessa68, I respect how you're handling this. You're mourning the loss of the relationship you thought you had, and that's normal. 5 days is not too long to grieve, in my opinion, even if intellectually you accept that you're better off. He pulled a bait-and-switch on you... maybe not deliberately, but it really doesn't matter; it's a brutal thing to deal with regardless. And you tried to make it work anyway, because you cared about him and thought the situation could get better. But I think the fact that you recognized the problem was his - and his kids' - and came to this site for support *instead* of blaming yourself proves that you've got a good head on your shoulders. And you're a nurse, so you're plenty tough.

I second the "finding a therapist" idea - talk through the red flags you missed, figure out how and why you missed them, and just heal yourself for a bit. hugs!

He'll call you when he's horny. Be prepared to ignore.