The only way to explain how I feel is to give examples of why I feel the way that I do.

For SD's 7th bday last year I decided to give her a bedroom make over. I came home everyday after work at 6:30 and spent hours taping and painting everyday for almost a week to make sure that it was ready for her when she came back the following week. Now we typically spend around $150 per kid on their bday every year. I had to go over for SD because I needed three gallons of paint to paint the accent walls and to paint over the half done mural that DH was never going to finish.

For SS's 6th bday, which is just under a month afer SD's bday, I found this giant monster truck that I thought he would love but it was almost a hundred dollars which meant he was only going to get two presents so we went over a lot more then we did for SD's bday.

For my BD's 8th bday I wanted to give her a bedroom make over too since we moved her out of SD's room and into the den since SD was being so mean. I spent the same amount of money that I spent on SD but since my BD only needed two pints of paint I had more money to get her other things that the other two kids already had in their rooms like a radio. DH bitch pissed whinned and moaned the entire time about how I'm spending more on my BD then I did his. He even had the nerve to tell me that SD's room looked like sh!t, that I didn't put that much effort into it and he could have done it faster, and that I put more effort into my BD's room then I did for his. What gets me is that during all of this freaking out about how much money that I was going to over, he didn't once mention the fact that we went over for SS by a lot more then we did for either of the girls. Why might this be? Because it's his kid.

For Christmas this year I found an awsome present for SD. She's going to freak out when she sees it. But the thing was it took half of her Christmas money on just one thing. I know how kids are. She won't see the fact that the same amount of money was spent on her. She'll just see the fact that the other kids got more presents. So we went over by almost another $100 for her to make things even.

DH purchased almost all of SS's presents. He bought two small items that he decided after words that were going to be stocking stuffers and wanted to buy more presents for SS. So in order to make things equal we went over $30 to $40 dollars.

Now my BD really wanted this $100 lego set but it was going to take half her Christmas money so I decided not to do it because she was only going to get four or five presents. Now I know that if I bought that lego set and then asked DH if we could go over for her to make things equal he would freak out on me and accuse me of god knows what.

The first Christmas we had together we ran into a similar situation where he wante to buy his 3 year old SS a flat screen T.V. When I pointed out the fact that it was going to take all of SS's money and he was only going to get one present DH decided that he would just spend more money on SS (like twice the amount that was being spent on the girls) to make sure things were equal. I put my foot down and said no because it's not fair.

Last year for Christmas DH wanted to give SS a home theater setup that his grandfather had given him. DH planned on wrapping each individual item which meant SS was going to get around six more presents then the girls. This would have made the girls upset, especially SD, and would have ruined Christmas for everybody. DH kicked and screamed about doing this for SS. So my solution was that SS gets that gift from Santa and we spend a little less on him or DH just gives it to him as a none Christmas related gift. Oh was DH p!ssed. He didn't think it was fair that SS was getting less money spent on him then the girls, even though the home theater setup costs a lot of money, and didn't care how it was going to make the girls feel when they watched SS open up twice as many presents as what they got.

We have house rules for things like running in the house. Last night I caught SS five times in less then an hour doing this. He got two warnings and then had to take two time outs. Both of his time outs had to be restarted because after he was asked to just sit on his bed and not watch TV or play with his toys he did it anyways. Of course this pisses DH off. Apparently he saw my BD running in the house earlier in the day and she didn't get punished. Well I wasn't there to catch her and DH didn't enforce the rules so some how that equates to me having it out for his kids. SS didn't even get punished for the fifth time he got caught because I didn't want to deal with the wrath of DH anymore. What's funny is that DH and I sat down and came up with the house rules together and agreed upon the consequences together.

Now if it were my BD and I didn't enforce a rule DH would be all over my a$$ like white on rice. But if I enforce a punishment with one of his kids he freaks out and attacks me with accusations about how I have it out for his kids. I am sick of it. I flat out told him today that he can accuse me of having it out for his kids all he wants but the truth of the matter is that he favors them but expects my BD to be held to all of the rules and that I feel that he has it out for my BD.

When his BD was picking on mine to the point where I wanted her moved out of the room and into the den which was a room that nobody uses he freaked out and didn't want to do it. I mean it was horrible with him. If it were one of his kids he would do it in a heart beat. When I decided to give my BD a bedroom make over for her bday he kicked and screamed about how it wasn't fair for his BD everytime that I brought it up. Since when did my BD's bday have anything to do with his BD? Well he made it all about SD because nobody other then his kids can have a special day. He ruined my BD's bday for me and all of the time and effort I put into it.

I am freaking sick of all of this. It's all about his kids all of the time. We never do anything on the weekends we don't have his kids and when I brought this up to him he told me that we just don't have the money to do things every weekend but apprently we only have the money when his kids are here. What about the fact that his kids get two of everything, bdays, Christmases, and fun weekends. Oh no. It's poor SS and SD. They have it so rough. Let's make everything about them. I get p!ssed off grumpy DH and then he goes into the house and sits down and his kids get happy and let's have fun daddy.

I just don't get it.