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Extreme PAS???

unbelieveable's picture

My not so Dh calls BM's phone today and she picks up...I am in the other room and I can hear her screaming into the phone! She immediately starts BITCHING - They are SO annoying! They WILL NOT listen! (We already went through this last week.) DH says, "Great where are they and Well - they are little girls...if they aren't listening - do something about it - we don't have many issues here anymore really because we discipline them." SHE HANGS UP ON HIM!!!!!

He calls back three times...she refuses to answer and then sends him a text..."Right now I am in the middle of telling your kids how much of a douchebag their father is - and how you don't even WANT to see them 24 hours a week - I have an idea - how about you keep them for two weeks at a time and then you be a REAL father..."

I walked into the room to him just staring at his phone with tears in his eyes...He doesn't have them just for the weekend because he wants to...stupid Bm - doesn't she know he can't quit his job? Doesn't she know if he does quit...no more CS and he will go to jail because he won't be able to pay it? Unfortunately - this is what happens when people get divorced - she wanted custody - she wanted them to live with her - he let that happen...because "girls should be with their mother" that's what everyone said. this is what she gets. If the girls are annoying it's because she has raised them to be. She has raised them to be disrespectful...I decided to step in and I typed out a whole text...I showed it to him - he then said forward it to him...I did...I took out the part where I mentioned I'm not a parent but I've been here helping with them for 5 years...I was pretty decent and I was shaking so bad trying not to just send it myself: I NEVER step in but at some point - I have to say something to HER. I'm tired of her stomping all over him like his own mother does. It said:

I know you are frustrated. I am too. I'd like to have them more too. Work does not allow me to do that. Talking about me like that is not how to deal with this situation. If you are having issues with them...REAL issues - MORE than they are just getting on your nerves you need to address them and WE will deal with it together. They have been through ALOT - don't you think so? Maybe they are acting out due to all of the changes they are going through. That is no excuse for their behavior but you need to put yourself in their shoes too. And address me about real issues at hand that we can work on!"

No response...I WANT to say what I did in my last post to her...maybe if she wouldn't MOVE them 5 times a year they wouldn't be having such a hard time!!! I JUST WANT TO SCREAM! And of course she never did reply or let them call their father back.

Could this be PAS????? We saved the toxic texts from her in case we need them down the road. Let the documenting begin! (7 years too late...)

Comments

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

This sounds familier!!! I was documenting all of last year. iwas getting so stressed about it i had to step down and leave it to SO. He has done NOTHING since. But I've also heard BM screaming down the phone at him...about wanting to meet me actually!! "WHY HAVEN'T YOU BROUGHT HER TO MEET ME YET?" ...but then she refused to meet and kept on and on at SD then 7 to get me to meet her.... sd got so stressed she started to loose weight!!! They are crazy those BMs.

Ghost Rider's picture

It is a classic BM move. They really do not care to meet you. They only want to meet you to size you up. They all want to know what the hell does their ex-man like about you. Most BM's want to check in to make sure their ex are not treating you any better then he treated her. God forbid if he does the BM will go nuts. The BM will use their kids to no extent.

You are a bad father because you do not spend more time with the kids
You do not come to the kids competitions.
you do not give me more money when I ask for it.
you do not come over my house to fix my things

It is amazing you would think after 5 years the BM would get a clue, chill out, and get a life. But they don't. They will keep up these games for the entire life of the child until they are of age

The BM has made my DH so miserable to the point he is counting down the days when his kids are 18. All he cares about is the days he gets them because those are his days alone. The BM has tried to pull every little ploy to get my DH to spend time with the kids with her. OMG! with her! She is trying to be family like with him. :jawdrop:

HA! She has made him so miserable he had wished those kids were mine and his and not had them with her. All I can say is if we only met earlier before he ever met her!!!!

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

Wow we've had exactly EVERYTHING you just said here!! ... Well with exception of spending time with the kids... She keeps cutting his time with them, BUT did blame it on me when he refused a weekend away with her as well as a few days she wanted to spend "as a family" with just her and the kids.... Crazy.

whatwasithinkin's picture

examples of extreme PAS:
Right now I am in the middle of telling your kids how much of a douchebag their father is -

DH's Ex is famous for doing this shit: prior to her moving out of state we asked to set child support, we requested previous taxes, current taxes or a letter of future employemnent with a salary. Declined. She moves, 3 weeks later we get an email how she has been supporting them with no money can he send money, we tell her to file for support. The next email back is, I am showing your children every email you send me, they know you dont love them because you wont send them money.

She will take phones away, not allow calls on birthdays (his or theirs) holidays you name it.

That doesnt even begin to skim the surface.

It is so important and I stress this, that he tells them age appropriately of course that what she is saying is bullshit, and that if she continues then they need to tell her if she has an issue with him that she needs to take it up with him. They may not do it right away, but eventually they will get tired of hearing her and will...

Im sorry you have to deal with this

unbelieveable's picture

This comment caught me offguard...

"Unless your husband works 24 hours a day, there is NO reason he can't spend more time with them. I had custody of my kids and I worked full time and went to school at night. It can totally be done, so call her bluff, take the kids and then file for a modification of the parenting plan..."

I guess I should explain...the girls are in school...during the day of course...they are 7 and 9 - he works three to 11...sometimes a 6 to 6 shift on the weekends - they also live like 45 minutes away...We have them every Friday after school until usually 6 on Saturday night...sometimes it is two nights in a row - sometimes it is every other weekend - if he has a 6a to 6pm shift during the week he will drive out and get them and take them to dinner atleast. So he tries to spend atleast 3 days with them during the week - the girls are also in activities - and they have friends now so they spend time with them...

It's NOT the kids that are complaining...they have been doing this since they were babies - it's their mother complaining...she wants more time to spend with her boyfriend(s). That's the issue right there...