Give an Inch, Take a Mile (AKA No Good Deed Goes Unpunished)
Looking back over my blogs today, I see a lot of instances where DH and I attempted to be nice or easy-going or generous with BM and skids...and were immediately expected to do more. We'll get two tires for SS. Oh...what about 3 tires and an oil change? We'll pick up a haircut for YSD. Oh...does that come with color? We're taking kids for vacation. Will you be getting them clothes for the trip, too?
Wondering if this is common with BMs? What about with your DH or SO?
What's the craziest 'extra' that BM has expected from you and your SO after you've done something nice? Or...what's the craziest 'extra' that your SO has expected from YOU?
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Lets see there are so many to
Lets see there are so many to choose from but when we had my husbands daughter for a year & half her mother wasn't paying child support but still wanted money to keep some things that she had in storage. We would send money for his daughter to buy sneakers and her mother would ask if H can buy her glasses too. While paying child support his working 21 year old daughter asked if we can cosign and help her with a car note. Still paying CS his daughters dog became sick and needed vet services and expected for us to pay that too......
Its just ridiculous all the things they ask for and makes you wonder what they contribute to financially.
Oh yes...definitely. We've
Oh yes...definitely. We've gotten very strange out-of-the-blue requests the whole time I've been with DH. Can you help pay for XYZ....ad nauseum.
Wondering though specifically about giving a gift...and then being asked for more instead of being thanked. Does that happen to you or anyone else? Wondering if it's an unconscious way that our BM has to make DH feel like he's always behind / not doing enough. I really don't even think she realizes she's doing it. She probably thinks she's just clarifying or something...but it literally seems like anytime we offer anything, she asks for just a little more. Instead of just saying...thank you.
Back when Medusa had custody,
Back when Medusa had custody, this was almost always our experience. We will pick up some drum sticks for ASS - oh, make sure you get a new drum head and of course if you don't, you're a loser who doesn't love his kids. Sigh...
Yes...this is exactly what I
Yes...this is exactly what I'm talking about.
We ordered YSD some graduation announcements to send and put together a contact list for our side of the family. Oh, great! Can you get her some stamps?
That was a recent one...
It's common with our BM! She
It's common with our BM! She thinks she's owed the forking world and shouldn't have any responsibility! Wonder how good it's going to look when we report she missed her first CS payment...
Ah! Karma must feel so good..
Ah! Karma must feel so good...
If it would work faster it
If it would work faster it would feel even better.
LMAO
probably about as good as it
probably about as good as it looked for self professed MOTY Medusa when I reported her for SNAP fraud and Medicaid fraud
I reported SNAP fraud too...
I reported SNAP fraud too... LMAO Great minds WalkOnBy. Plus it seems someone else reported the whole custody case to them considering the open case adn teh questions asked were outside of the realm of my SNAP report.
I've considered fueling the fire a bit if I can get a video of the poor baby being left in the hot car unattended...
when it comes to an innocent
when it comes to an innocent little baby, I would do whatever I could to make sure it was going to be raised in a loving home.
I agree.
I agree.
I think I'll be better with grandskids than I've been with skids...just because they're that much more removed from BM and I'll know them from birth. THat will make a huge difference to me.
I've been trying to figure
I've been trying to figure that out since the moment she said she was pregnant... It's unsettling that someone who has already hurt two kids so much would have another one that's just going to suffer and has nowhere else to go to.
If I can get the video this weekend, you can bet it'll be with CPS the second they're open.
We had custody of SD, so for
We had custody of SD, so for us it was more "I'm always the one who takes her shopping for school dances and you never do anything for her!"...yeah SD and meth whore threw that in our faces over and over and over again...I mean nevermind the fact we were raising SD and meth whore never paid a dime of CS...but yep we sucked and even if/when I ever offered to get SD a dress it was always thrown back in my face that I was not her mom.
Ah, yes. Very familiar with
Ah, yes. Very familiar with that double-standard as well.
Do pick-ups, contribute to college, contribute to kids in umpteen ways (and always on my schedule) but don't you DARE act like the mom!!!
You mean in addition to all
You mean in addition to all their shoes, clothes, hair cuts, etc?
New cars. That's right - multiple vehicles. Before I came along, the engine on BM's truck went kabloom, and she had zero transportation. She was married to XH at the time, and I think they were living with GBM (or DH was still paying her rent at "her" apartment). Anyway, BM had no job to pay for a new car, so she asked DH and FIL for help.
DH looked for new cars and a replacement engine. He eventually called BM to tell her that a new engine was too pricey and a rebuilt one would be iffy given how old the truck was, so he and FIL offered to buy her a used car for nothing.
She apparently screamed at DH that she wasn't getting rid of her effing truck and he was useless in helping her. He hung up and called it a day.
Before I came into the
Before I came into the picture SO used to do favors for his ex, so I guess she got used to that. When SO's ex was moving to a new apartment, she asked him for help moving a couch she was buying, and then asked him to pay her security deposit and first month's rent! He didn't have the money, so that wasn't happening. SO wanted to help her with the couch but I told him he did so at the risk of our relationship. I pointed out that she has 2 brothers, a father and a boyfriend, so there was no reason for SO to be carting her furniture around. He declined.
Yeah, BM asked DH after she
Yeah, BM asked DH after she kicked XH out the first time (since we have been together) to come and move some of her XH's stuff out of the house.
BM has a brother, multiple male friends, and "male friends". But when she is feeling particularly down about herself, she tries to swoop in on DH.
So DH went to help her. And I tagged along and helped him carry XH's crap out of GBM's house. The look on BM's face was PRICELESS.
Oh, and before I gave him the
Oh, and before I gave him the death glare, SO tried to tell me that it was for his babies, so they'd have a place to sit. Somehow the couch got moved even without SO's assistance and the children did not need to sit on the floor. Amazing how the world doesn't fall apart when these men say no.
It is VERY common. BM does
It is VERY common. BM does this with favors. And then again this past week she started off with asking if SS could bring his new shoes to our house that he just picked out five minutes ago.....as soon as DH said "sure, he dresses himself" then BM was asking if he could also bring these taquitos she just fixed before dropping him off. DH told her "no food" and SS got out the car.
A week ago she was asking for DH to drop off SS to her....not even three days later she was asking to keep SS late. It's always the same. Say "yes" to one thing and she'll push for another....and then another....and then when he says "no" all of a sudden he isn't coparenting and the worst dad in the world.
For us BM just thought that
For us BM just thought that everything we gave to the skids was hers as well.
SD got a laptop for HS grad, BM took it to oiltown because she needed a laptop and SD could use the desktop computer at home.
SS got a pay as you go cell phone, BM used up all the minutes and had SS ask for more. We said no once we caught on that she was the one using the phone. BM then went into the carrier and got herself a cell phone on DHs account!
SD had an accident and needed a vehicle, we rented one for her. It was a temporary fix, yes a stupid one. When it came time to return it BM had taken it out of town and SD was driving her pos. The rental was more reliable and BM needed it because she has more important places to be.
This has been our experience
This has been our experience as well...especially with cars.
Then BM, who wrecks cars like no one I've ever known, wonders why we insist that skid cars go through her insurance policy instead of ours. Um. Because we're not going to link our rates to YOUR driving? Because we have no say over how and when the cars get used, so why would we attach our good driving records and rates to something we have no control over? Oh...and also because the law in our state actually says that the CP has to insure the cars...because that's the address where the cars reside and are registered.
Keep in mind. We gave skids cars and paid for a year of insurance upfront, then told them they would have to be responsible for their own insurance payment after that year. So it was never about who was paying for the insurance...just whose carrier insured the teen drivers. It required one phone call. I don't know if BM was literally too lazy or clueless to get drivers/cars added to her policy or if she was trying to trick us into paying for longer because she thought we'd just keep paying after that initial year and not track the skids down for the $$$.
Either way...we had to send her the portion of the state code that deals with insurance in blended familes...with the part about CP needing to carry kids...before she'd agree.
Then again, maybe she is ust dumb...because even if we'd put all three skids and their cars on our insurance and kept her out of it completely, even if that was allowed by law...she'd still be required to let her insurance carrier know she had teen drivers in the house who may drive HER vehicle from time to time...and her insurance would go up accordingly.
Oh yes!
Oh yes!
BM told SD that it was going to cost $$$$$ to put her on BMs insurance and that SD should ask DH to put her on his insurance, because there was no way BM could afford it but DH could. BM knew full well that there was no way I was putting SD on our insurance when she didn't live with us. She thought that DH would cough up the money so that SD could be on BMs policy.
At the time we were using the same insurance company and so I called and had a hypothetical talk with the adjuster. IF I was BM, how much would it cost me to add SD? Well, low and behold it would only cost $, the larger amount was BMs total insurance cost! Surprise, surprise. I called SD told her that BM must have been given the wrong information. It should only cost $ to add SD, and surely BM could afford that. Heck SD could even afford that herself with her summer job, if BM couldn't.
With the rental car, I scared the crap out of both SD and BM. The car was rented to SD with me as the cosigner of sorts, it was under my insurance and so only SD and I could legally drive the car. If BM had been pulled over or gotten into an accident she would have been charged with theft, my insurance company would have had to do it to protect themselves, it wouldn't have mattered what I or SD said.
My DH paid in full for SD23's
My DH paid in full for SD23's college fees and living expenses, so that she never had to get a student loan. It came to over £60k. She then decided she wanted to do another course for which no loan was available, so she came to DH for the money, no doubt her vile mother suggested this. When DH didn't immediately say "oh yes dear and how much would you like?" SD bellowed at him down the phone telling him that the 60k was no more than she would have expected!
I was very much against him giving her any more money, but in the end he loaned her another £4k for living expenses - however it was supposed to be a loan - he made her sign an agreement to that effect. I doubt he will ever see any repayment, however. But that being the case, she will never get another.
Mostly not too much, but for
Mostly not too much, but for a number of years, my SO had to buy separate weekend shoes for the kids because BM wouldn't let them wear their non-school shoes to his house, and not only that, but he had to take the shoes she bought because they weren't allowed to walk from the car to the house in school shoes but in her non-school shoes that they weren't allowed to wear on weekends.
She's loosened up on that a little since I've been on the scene but she sent YSS9 in some seriously unsafe shoes this weekend, the sole had come loose from the rest of the shoe. So we immediately went out and bought new shoes for him. He called her and the first thing out of her mouth was "could he take the new shoes back". Now, SO and I feel that the shoes are for him and he should have the benefit of the shoes wherever he is, but still...