So...first of all...I feel bad because I usually come here to vent when, in reality, I have a strong relationship with the two skids who still come over. So far, this Christmas season has felt very cozy and familial....but now I feel like it's all been ruined.

Brief synopsis. The skids are here for their Christmas "week" which is actually more like ten days (Friday-the following Sunday). We still get them on our weekends...so it ends up being only one weekend that I get to have off in December...we normally have them EOWE...which ends up being about 7 days a month plus dinners on off weeks. This month, on top of all the other Christmas stuff going on, we have them for 17 days.

So, I've been handling it well, even though I have a lot of family and friends in for the holidays and I work from home...which becomes hard to do with two incredibly loud teens stomping around and making messes everywhere.

Anyway, this is what our kid schedule has looked like for the past week:

Thursday: 10:35 pm screening of STAR WARS with all three skids and a friend each (We bought all tickets; oldest SD19 who never comes over anymore deigned to join us.)

Friday: Last day of school; our annual Christmas party. All three skids come over to eat and hang out, bringing about 5-6 friends a piece. The younger two stay to begin their "week" with us, and each have two friends who end up spending the night and hanging out a little the next day.

Saturday: Skids both have work, SD in the morning, SS in the afternoon / early evening. I announce that we're taking the whole day off to relax and recover from the party. We take SS to breakfast while SD is working. We take SD to Starbucks and a movie while SS is working. SD has Christmas party that night...we take SS and a friend out for pizza while SD is at party.

Sunday: I announce that no one is coming over. Skids basically watch tv and text friends all day. I finally get house completely cleaned up from the party.

Monday: DH and I go Christmas shopping together for final presents for skids. We let skids hang out with one friend each at our house.

Tuesday: I meet with a client in the morning. When I get back at 11, I see about five cars in my driveway and a bunch of huge oafish teen boys running around with a video camera. DH and I are supposed to go to lunch with friends. I ask him what's going on. He says...yeah...when I woke up SS17 had all these friends over...he forgot to ask. I've told them they have to stay outside. I say OK...we go to lunch (about an hour away). When we get back around 2:30...all the cars are still there. DH says...they're just making a movie together. I say...cool. Then DH says he needs to get a few more things to complete my gift...I say...great...I can wrap yours and get some work done while you and skids are gone. I make myself a coffee and am about to enjoy my first little bit of time alone in over a week when DH calls...tells me that SS, SD, and friends have asked if they can hang at our place until 5. I say absolutely not. DH says he's already told them they can but that they gave to stay in the living room or out on the back deck.

Anyway...this turns into a huge fight about whether or not we keep a "kid-friendly" home...what's a reasonable amount of time for teenagers to spend with their friends in a given day / week...why other parents aren't hosting an army of teens three days before Christmas...whether or not the kids feel welcome, like our home is their home...about how much entertainment / treats we should provide in a given day / week...

DH told me he worries that our house will become a place that the kids want to avoid...to which I said: "Well, instead it's becoming a place that I want to avoid." And then I left and spent the rest of the day and night at my mom's house with all of my siblings and my niece and nephews.

I guess I'm just overworked and exhausted...but I think it's unreasonable for kids to spend a full work day together while on break (7-10 hours?!) But none of this gets at what I'm really feeling...which is that, when the kids come over, I'm a non-entity in my own home. I don't really have a say, though I'm told that I do, and when I do assert myself I get treated like I'm stingy, unreasonable...I don't keep a "kid-friendly" home...that DH is just trying to do the best he can in a tough situation where he's only allowed to be a passive, part-time dad...

I do understand all of his points...but sometimes I feel like throws around dire, life-or-death, "losing the kids" issues just to muddle the actual issue and make me cave. We're not talking about eternal consequences or your ultimate role in your kids' lives at the moment...we're talking about whether or not it's reasonable for a teen boy to invite 5 friends over fir the whole day without asking...and whether it's reasonable for you to allow them into my home / office without asking me first.