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Peace Impossible

tsrw0615's picture

Submitted by tsrw0615 on Fri, 02/12/2010 - 10:31pm

I am a 26 y/o Smom of 2 kids aged 9 and 15. I am a bio mom of 2 kids aged 6 years and 10 months(from this marraige. I am hoping that someone can convince me that there is another option to blended family madness than DIVORCE. My husband and I have been married for two years. Two weeks before we were married, BM dropped off kids and never came back. Til this day they are living with us. Both husband and I work full time.
The household is chaotic at all times. Particularly the six year old and 9 year old fight nonstop. Dad does not discipline nor is he a very active parent. It is to the point where my six year old is having behavior problems in school and is becoming a very aggressive angry child. The nine year old step child is also very depressed and teases and taunts my six year old a lot. She also cries and grieves for her mother and has written many letters stating that she wants to go live with her.
Here's the problem. I want the step kids to go back and live with mom. Hubby says that if they go, my son (from a previous relationship) has to go too. Of course, I cant give up my son. Is there any other option than divorce? BM is not believed to be on drugs, but is(as always) unemployed. Husband will pay child support.

Comments

stepmom008's picture

Submitted by stepmom008 on Fri, 02/12/2010 - 10:52pm

I think that if your husband wants to keep things the way that they are, he needs to actively participate in their upbringing and start parenting. Have you thought of going to family counseling together? Where has BM been for two years? Sorry for all of the questions, but does your DH see that there's a problem or is he blind to all of it?

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

tsrw0615's picture

Submitted by tsrw0615 on Fri, 02/12/2010 - 11:25pm

We have been to counseling together- as a family. However, it has been an uphill battle because the children are maintaining loyalty to their mom even though she is absent. She calls irregularly, provides no financial support, and often does not answer their calls. She too was abandoned by her mother as a child. The BM has been hanging out, serial dating, and living off food stamps for the past few years. The kids have seen her 4 times for short stays. The hubby recognizes that there is a problem, as early as when they arrived, but he is not very active in their care. Rarely does he even step foot in their rooms- let alone encourage any bonding or self esteem building activities. I 26, am usually the person that attends the extra curricular activities, suggests family trips, prepares the meals, does the laundry, blah blah blah. He pays the bills and is otherwise totally self absorbed and has not atttempted other intervention. I feel like myself and my child are carrying the mental and physical burden of this blended family. Because I spend so much time trying to repair their broken childhood, I often lose time to spend with my son. It makes me feel soooooo sad.