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Struggling with 16 yrold SD

Tryingtobeproactivestepmom's picture

I don't know what went wrong...we were so close for years, we both have so much in common and share the same things. I have been supportive to her mom and family always.

She told me many times she wishes her mom would be more of a mom than a friend, she looked at me more as a mom. But lately, her mom is the coolest thing ever in her eyes, beautiful, Work out Trainer, (SD's friends love her), (which is great and I support that) but now I am on the back burner.

I caught her in a few lies and I am the bad guy. I reach out to her, she does not respond and when she does it is "I'm too busy". She plays her dad to the hilt! In front of me and her friend, she asked her dad "daddy, who was the one girl you dated and we went to her house to go swimming"?

College is right around the corner, she came to me for help, I jumped in and it back fired on me.
Now we don't even talk.

Her mom is very materialistic, buys SD the biggest gifts ever.... We bought her a computer 2 years ago for Christmas, it was not good enough so they are buying her a new one for her birthday and of course a MAC and the one we gave her will go to her 10 year old sister. I am upset.

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Tryingtobeproactivestepmom's picture

It gets tough when they are teens.
I have been so blessed, very close with my step daughter.
At one time we had a better relationship that she and her mom.
Her mom treats her like her friend rather than a daughter/parent.
My step daughter recognizes that and at one time it bothered her. Now that she is 17, her mom is cool and she likes that her mom is her friend rather than a parent. She has a serious boyfriend and have been dating for over a year. Her boyfriend wants her to go on vacation with he and his family this summer. Her dad and mom talked about it and both decided it was not appropriate and she has all her life to do these types of things. Of course this did not go over very well with the teen and that is completely understandable. At this age, all that matters is your friends and boyfriends. We were all there at one time. Anyway, the mom has backed down and has decided that she is keeping the door open for discussion and her dad, my husband is left standing alone in this and of course our daughter is furious with her dad and of course me. The mom told our daughter that this is her dad's decision, not hers. Of course our daughter is saying that her mom trusts her and we don't. It has Nothing to do with Trust.

It has gotten totally out of control and of course my husband does not know which end is up. He is telling me things that are different than what he shared with me before. Before it was, "we made the decision together", now it is "she has not made up her mind, it was all my decision"!! I am so confused and frustrated. This has put strain on me and my husband and these types of things have been going on for years, but I have just watched, I am finally at the point that I don't have much respect for any of them. No one is completely honest, they play each other, it has been a game. There is 97% honesty and 3% of dishonesty and it is has been this way for 10 years. Now our daughter plays the same game. I NEED A BREAK!