DH and I have been in a rough place for a while. It's a roller-coaster really, when it's good it's good, but we can't seem to figure out how to fix the bad. Handling conflict has always been an issue, and it peaked in Oct. (not physical, but things were said that are unacceptable). I was at the point of asking for a divorce. DH pledged change on his part and explained how. We agreed to marriage counseling and have been going, although the sessions are short and EOW, so it's hard to see results fast, although she is giving us tools to work with and I can see potential. I have seen DH implement the change he has promised. It has been like a 180 with how he fights. 

Except- within the past few weeks, it's like he has stopped trying. He doesn't seem to want to work through the conflict, but rather to just stay angry and keep it going, getting angry at everything I say even when we go back and try to talk through it. I'm the enemy. On Mon. it started with a convo about Demon15's manicure habit, and HOLY CRAP what part of disengage do I not understand?? 

Demon and DH walked in the door talking about how Demon spends $50-$70/mo on manicures, which I think is ridiculous, as does DH. He was telling her as much and telling her to buy supplies to do them on her own. I chimed in saying isn't that most of the $ you make a month?? She said it's 1/2. She's saving for a car and gets her license in June-How does she expect to get there if she's saving $50/month?? DH didn't hear my suggestion about nails my friends buy, thought I was just telling her it was stupid to spend that much, and motioned for me to stop talking (she wasn't looking). I asked him later why he did that, and he said he was talking to her, if she wants to spend $ on that she can, and of course I "don't realize how I talk to skids". Should I have said anything to her? 100% no. But I wasn't being ridiculous with her to the point of him stopping me from talking. Then he went on to ask me if I had a conversation/text thread going with SS18. I said, No? He said "Well, there you go". Insinuating that it was because of how I talk to SS. I said, do you want to know why? I don't WANT to talk to SS. He was disrespectful to me, disrespectful to you, and I don't want to be lied to all the time. I said he looked into our camera and talked sh*t to me, you never addressed it, and I don't want to talk to him. DH actually tried to tell me he DID talk to SS (I asked him twice if he did months later- he said he hadn't, and SS was at college across the country- he didn't even have a chance to talk to him, so no, he didn't). I said, so if you talked to him, why didn't SS apologize? DH asked me if SS had ever done that before- said something so disrespectful to me- (He really hasn't)- and then DH said, maybe I should reflect on my behavior then, and think about if how I talk to SS is why SS would do something like that. I said, Oh, is this the part where you blame me for SS's behavior???? UNREAL. I asked DH if HE had a text thread going with SS? He said "nothing meaningful, but I'm in a different position than you". DH and SS haven't been in a great spot for months, because SS is an a*shole. So, it's ok for DH and SS to not really be talking- but I'm held to a different standard. Make it make sense! 

Last night DH asked if there was anything about that convo I wanted to discuss, and hell yes. First, he mocked me in a way that is unacceptable. I also mentioned the text thread comment and blaming me for SS's behavior- except I can't just finish talking- he cuts me off and gets upset with me for everything I say. I said, I get along with both kids- he goes "Oh, and you think it's ok to just get along with both kids"? Apparently that's not good enough. I said, I'm sorry- so I have to have a perfect relationship with them? I have a pretty good relationship with them. And I don't want to be besties with SS right now- I don't like who he is very much. I don't like his attitude, his entitlement, his disrespect towards either of us. I told him if he remembers, when SS walked into Xmas at DH's moms, SS and his gf came and sat next to ME the entire time to talk to me. So we are doing just fine. I don't know what DH's problem is. His kids are almost f'ng grown, and he is going to criticize my relationships with them, when Demon is just starting to be normal and even DH has struggled to talk to her because she has been impossible? He was just saying how she has been talking to me again lately! And he tells me all the time how SS likes me and always asks me where I am. It's like he's dead set on finding something I am doing wrong with them. 

I am honestly at the end of my rope. We have had so many arguments in the past few weeks, and I am not ok with how DH doesn't seem to give a F about how he handles the conflict, and his lack of trying. He has regressed to before counseling, before Oct. Many times I have almost told him I want to separate. We have counseling today and I am going to lay it all out there. That this can't continue. We can't even go a week without a fight. What's crazy is that we have also had great times in there, and I love him and no part of me wants to separate or divorce, but I refuse to fight 50% of the time and his IDGAF attitude about it is unacceptable. My heart is breaking because I have told him it feels like he's not trying, and he isn't doing anything to improve. 

Off-topic, Demon's Make-A-Wish is apparently finally happening next week.  After running the gamut of options, getting turned down by DH for the service dog she doesn't need because we don't want a dog, scratching Disney off the list when we reminded her she can't go on rides due to her medical condition (Crazy was going to try and take her to DISNEY and go on all the rides, even though she called CPS on us for allowing Demon to go on a roller-coaster once), Demon settled on a $4,000 shopping spree at a mall, with a limo taking her. It feels kind of dirty, since we are a middle class family and she isn't lacking- it feels like a money grab. And, it is a literal money grab. But whatever- she does qualify for MAW, she does have a life-threatening condition, and while it's under control and feels like other kids could benefit more...we can't exactly fight it since Crazy pushed for this. Hopefully Demon won't be dressing like a hobo anymore, although Crazy is trashy and is the one going with her, so my hopes aren't high...