1st week with SS at college and the cord is NOT cut

SS18 will be gone 1 week as of tomorrow, and here's how it's going so far:

-We have discovered a trove of lies he has told. How he "didn't go to his ex gf's house" the night before he left, immediately after dropping off his current gf, even though the ins app clearly shows her house as the end point.

-SD15 told me SS doesn't want to be in FL, and plans to come back here in spring and go to the University here. Except, he didn't get accepted there. He told SD, Crazy, and his gf that he was waitlisted (nope). And he plans to come back ASAP. Not a peep of this to us, but also, he didn't get Into that school!!

Then there was the incident where he ate ice cream he thought was mine and knew he was on the Ring camera and ate it anyway while talking to the camera saying I would only have 1 day to yell at him and he was moving out anyway. I told DH about it and he was not amused. He said he would talk to him but I don't think he did. I told DH I'm extremely irritated with SS and fed up with the lying. DH said he could tell I was disinterested in the goings on with SS and college. Yes, I think he's a shit person and a liar and I don't what to see him for a long time.

-Mon was orientation stuff at school for the kids, but DH went anyway so SS skipped some of it (other parents did not go) and DH helped SS look into getting a new roommate. You know, because an 18yr old couldn't possibly do it himself. SS wasn't meeting people because DH was there! That night when DH was flying home, SS text me asking for DH's flight number. I was like are you freaking kidding me....no. I didn't even respond. Time to cut the cord. What are you going to do, sit there tracking his flight the whole time???

Now all week, SS and DH have been texting nonstop. DH was like, oh, I wonder if he followed up about the new roommate, and text SS to remind him. Let him do it!! Let him find out that if he wants something bad enough he has to do it himself!

Interestingly enough, SD15 is being really decent. She came on Monday and talked to me like I was her best friend. Told me all of the things giving on like nothing happened. DH had yelled at her while I was gone for being standoffish to me. But she has been really good. I suspected she might be better once SS was gone, because now she doesn't have to compete with him and SS was always the favorite of DH. Idk. She's also on meds now so that may be helping. It hasn't been miserable for once, which is a nice change of pace. And with SS gone it's like there is a sliver of hope finally.

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Your SS

Your SS sounds like a little sh*t so I'm not surprised life is going smoother now. Maybe your DH will get over his empty nest episode soon. I agree, time for this one to flap his wings and fly.

Spot on

Little shit Indeed. The amount of lies that come out of his mouth, for no reason at all. And when we can easily prove that he's lying! At least DH bought a massage table and put in our new "guest room/massage room", so I don't feel too guilty at my glee that SS is gone...DH is enjoying this also, despite his insistence on coddling an 18yr old.

Guest room...

We did that when both twins SS20 were no longer in the house. It took 18 months for the baby kids room to become a guest room for relaxation, enjoyment and guests... but not a month went by when SS20 looser decided to spend weekends at our house because his nightclub job was close by... btw mostly SO's idea... ugh... let them go and be MEN!!!

I would die

Just when you think they are out, and then nope, they are still coming back every freaking wknd! Seriously, let them go grow up! The other parents in the Parent's site for the college he is going to are all saying how they "talked to their kid", or "heard from their kid", like they finally heard from them or finally chatted with them. I'm over here like, wouldn't it be nice if SS STOPPED contacting DH for 5 freaking minutes....

This kid is one pathetic

This kid is one pathetic piece of work.

It sounds like he believes his own ration of bullshit.

He thinks he is moving back after a semester or even a year to attend the local school. Not if he does not have at several dozen hours of credit with decent grades. Transfer student standards are often not as rigourous as direct applicant standards for acceptance but it takes a notable number of semester hours of course work with decent grades. Of course different schools have different criteria but they are general moderately similar. Usually ~60 hours with a 2.5-3.0 GPA minimum.

Hopefully you and SD will get some non SS related time with your DH and she with her father. SS may find a new distraction in FLA that distracts him enough to extricate daddy's nose from SS's ass and change his plans to come running home.

One can hope anyway.

Good luck.

And

This local school is a difficult university to get into. He actually TOOK classes there as a Senior, and STILL didn't get accepted! He assumed he would get in and it would be easy, and when I told him he shouldn't be so sure in case he didn't get accepted, he got mad and pouty and text DH and said "I guess I shouldn't even go to college", and then DH got mad at ME. Fast forward to 8 months later when, *gasp*, the little entitled shit didn't get accepted because he stopped trying in high school and his grades aren't good enough to get into this school! Despite DH constantly telling him he needed to keep his grades up.He was too lazy to do it.Then he pouted for weeks because he didn't get accepted. Gee, I wonder why I told him to not get his hopes up?

SS text us both last night and said he submitted his online gaming profile to the college "esports" team and they asked him to be "Captain of Varsity". But he doesn't think he's going to do it because he's the best one on the team and he "doesn't like playing with people he's way better than". I replied, Is this like the time you were President of the Chess Club? (lie). LOL. Hm, I wonder why I don't believe him....

Thanks for your well wishes. It is better without him here. Hoping SD stays on a good path and this can continue. I can't imagine a life where it's decent with 1 kid around.

Because he baby him

This is what good parenting get you. A 18 yo who can't get out of his own way

good luck with college...

My SS20 is in second year of college and SO still goes to help him move in and out of dorms and apartments, and do groceries and everthing else... it never stops!! These Disney parents don't know how and when to let go!!! And then complain, feel frustrated AND wan't SPs opinion when the spawns are a failure - and shun the opinion as well...

SS20 flunked math 3 times and wast kicked out of Computer Engineering, and took up pot, alcohol and parties, and signed up for the laziest career at that college... what were the consequences??? NONE! he got to join a very expensive frat, and moved apartments three times. This last time to a more expensive rental with his frat buddies... and SO is o proud of mediocre SS...

So, my point is brace yourself... the SS joy ride PART 2 version spoiled skidult begins...

Groceries

FFS. That is out of control What is with these dads?? I honestly don't see SS stopping his behavior anytime soon, and I don't see the cord being cut anytime soon either. SS needs to be in constant contact with DH. DH will never tell him to handle stuff himself, even though he said he would, because now SS is across the country and I know he feels bad and like he has to be there immediately every time SS texts. I'm hoping it dies down but to your point, I honestly don't think it will.

Why is he already looking fr

Why is he already looking fr a new roommate ?

So familiar...

SS20 in college for 2 years has already rented 4 properties and moved to 3 of them because he sweared by his roommates and then got bored or something. The first semester he insisted to go with a HS buddy, like it was life or death. Next thing he hated the friend. He insisted that he needed to move out to another apartment with another buddy. The buddy never made it to the college and the 1 year rental commitment could not be undone and the child did not want to move to the apartment so BPs got a dorm... paying 2 rentals at the same time! They sublet the apt with a 50% discount and lost 50% of the money. Then he joins a frat and then wants to leave the dorm to move to a more expensive place with frat buddies. SO said no, BM said yes... guess what, he's now moving in with the frat with friends...SO caved in... too much leniency... I hope this is it...*bomb*

I can see this coming already

SS is going to join a frat also. He has been texting DH about it nonstop. I am positive he is going to want to move into their housing when he can (not first year), even though we have told him he needs to be an RA if possible to get the discount on schooling (he is going out of state and tuition is very expensive, and that's on him to pay back). He doesn't make good choices though so I can see him just wanting to live off campus.

I was that kid when I started

I was that kid when I started college. I was top of my HS class, got into Princeton on early acceptance, but knew damned good and well that after a high level of success at a highly structured Military School HS and JC that the free for all environment of a University was not likely to be nearly as successful for me. I was right. So, my undergrad career was 11yrs long. My playing grab ass my first two years got me cut off by mom and dad. I started a business after my Sophomore year and ran it for 7 years while working on a variety of majors at several colleges and universities before getting my divorce and selling to my busness partners to go back to school full time in Engineering. My last the first 1.5 of my last 3.5 years I paid for with the proceeds of selling my share of my company to my partners. That level of focus regained the trust of my parents and they kicked in for the last two years though I did work and go to school.

I have seen my dad cry only a few times in my life. When my youngest brother passed and he and I went to the US embassy to surrender his passport, when I graduated from HS (I had 2 sophomore years), and when I graduated with my BS being the earlier three dad crying experiences.

My issue was not laziness or lack of ability, my issue was I had zero idea what I wanted to be and do when I grew up. So, I pretty much fell in love with every elective I took and would change my major. Until I was in my mid 20s and finally realized that I had to pick a major that would give me the resources to do what I wanted to do when I was not working.

I finally graduated two weeks after my 30th B-day. A parent's foot up your ass even in your 20s and 30s can be helpful in inducing clarity.

Haha so true

Rags, I would have kicked your ass as a parent. lol. I'm glad it worked out but I also did not have that clarity in life early on. I would have kicked my own ass. Although I did not have clarity, I always took care of myself.

SS's issue IS Laziness, which is where I struggle. I imagine him procrastinating getting a job, when he needs one ASAP. DH is giving him leeway because he's busy trying to decide what he's going to join at school (Fraternities, school clubs, etc), but he's also doing his fair share of partying, and could find time to grab an application or 2 on his way.

It is a challenge for some

It is a challenge for some kids to step out. Even if they really are not on their own.

I went away for boarding school at 15 on the other side of the planet from my family. I went home for a few weeks ove Christmas break and a few months in the summer. I traveled on my own, moved into and out of dorms on my own, for the most part. When I went home after HS graduation then flew back to the US to start university loaded my car at my GP's house, then drove over a 1300 miles to University. My dad insisted that I go a week early to get into the dorm and get settled before classes started. I had read the info and told him the dorms did not open until the day before classes stared. Dad still insisted. So, I checked into a hotel and milked my money to the penny until I could move into the dorm.

While I was in teh hotel the shift linkage in my car broke. The garage I took it to tried to rip me off. I called my GrandDad who told me to tell them to put it back to gether and he would call me and tell me where to take it. I could not fix it on my own though I knew what was wrong with it. When I walked the several miles to get my car they had fixed it already and charged me what was fair.

That was the first of a bunch of times in my life I moved, stared school, etc...

When I moved back to that State to start engineering school 7 years after first starting University my brother and I were in class together. My college BFF that I met on the first day of Engineeing school years later shared that he disliked my brother and I when he first met us. We were confident, outgoing, and energetic.We all started class together. BFF was away from home for the fist time in his life starting a new school, etc.... My brother had been away at HS boarding school for a year and a half and in JC at the same school for a year when he and I headed W for Eng school. I was 26, just divorced, and back into my life.

I get that new is scary. It was for me when I went away to boarding school at 15. Though I was excited. Because that is what that move was for us Expat kids who knew we would be going away for school starding in 10th grade. I recall the night before leaving for the State to get into school. I slept in a bean bag next to my brothers bed holding his hand. I was 15. He was 9.

I was not by any means on my own, but I was away from my family.

It is no different for most kids going to university. But, the point of it all is for the kids to launch and create the foundation for their adult lives.

We coached, advised, and pushed SS to get his butt in school. However, we did not coddle. So, we built the burning platform he enlisted and we turned him over to experts at getting young people to perform.

One thing for sure, not once after he launched has SS called to be coddled over where he should live, what clubs or fraternity he should join, etc...

For sure no parent should fund multiple residences for a freshman college kid. Dorms are for the year. If the kid wants to move, the kid gets a job. He can move into the Frat house at the beginnign of the next year.