My situation is that I have three bio kids, grown up, and DH has three bio kids, we got together when his kids were 16 and 10 (twins boy and girl). They are now 23 and 18.
Elder boy's mother is a pretty decent person, she's not intrusive and she has a good relationship with our boy. She did hand him over to us as soon as I was in the picture though, she could not cope with his moods. DH and I were both happy to have him.
The two younger ones, however, came to us full time when they were 11, their mother abandoned them on the side of the road, she had a spat with her then fiance/husband...not sure which at the time. He subsequently turned out to be her victim #4!! She cleaned him out just like she did her other two husbands and DH (DH would not marry her).
Our boy was done with her. Our girl went back and gave her mother another chance. BM abandoned her yet again to a hospital for disturbed youth. No wonder the girl is disturbed!
Back to your story...I think that the sudden (it would feel like sudden to the kids) withdrawal from the kids is bound to cause some issues and resentments. It's kind of like an abandonment too, that really messes with kids' head incidentally...trust me on this one!
I would suggest that you talk to SO and let him know you need some time to adjust, post partum etc., and for him to chat with the kids and reassure them that you are still there for them. They will miss you, MOM, in the absence of their own mom.
I urge you to find a balance, albeit a biased one in favor of your bio child, and give these kids the love they need. I'd suggest that you say your time is limited now and put it to them that they are old enough now to understand a few more things. Daddy can step up to the plate for a while...right??
It's a wonderful thing to have your own baby, it's all consuming to begin with too. Things will settle down again though, just seek for some understanding from EVERYONE!!
Hi trueblood.
My skids have been living with me for 6 years. THey are now 14 and 11. I have twin bio sons that are 3 and a half. It is difficult sometimes. Especially when BM is in the picture. When she is not things run smoothly but when she is there is lots of conflict. I am their mom when they are here. Do all mom things and am called mom when they feel like it. Otherwise they call me by my name.
I would talk to your SO because it is important for him to know your expectations when it comes to his bio kids, and for you to know his expectations. I have found that communication is key. You have to communicate with him and be on the same page. Kids are great but they can come between you, if you are not a united front. Good luck.
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My situation is that I have
My situation is that I have three bio kids, grown up, and DH has three bio kids, we got together when his kids were 16 and 10 (twins boy and girl). They are now 23 and 18.
Elder boy's mother is a pretty decent person, she's not intrusive and she has a good relationship with our boy. She did hand him over to us as soon as I was in the picture though, she could not cope with his moods. DH and I were both happy to have him.
The two younger ones, however, came to us full time when they were 11, their mother abandoned them on the side of the road, she had a spat with her then fiance/husband...not sure which at the time. He subsequently turned out to be her victim #4!! She cleaned him out just like she did her other two husbands and DH (DH would not marry her).
Our boy was done with her. Our girl went back and gave her mother another chance. BM abandoned her yet again to a hospital for disturbed youth. No wonder the girl is disturbed!
Back to your story...I think that the sudden (it would feel like sudden to the kids) withdrawal from the kids is bound to cause some issues and resentments. It's kind of like an abandonment too, that really messes with kids' head incidentally...trust me on this one!
I would suggest that you talk to SO and let him know you need some time to adjust, post partum etc., and for him to chat with the kids and reassure them that you are still there for them. They will miss you, MOM, in the absence of their own mom.
I urge you to find a balance, albeit a biased one in favor of your bio child, and give these kids the love they need. I'd suggest that you say your time is limited now and put it to them that they are old enough now to understand a few more things. Daddy can step up to the plate for a while...right??
It's a wonderful thing to have your own baby, it's all consuming to begin with too. Things will settle down again though, just seek for some understanding from EVERYONE!!
Hi trueblood. My skids have
Hi trueblood.
My skids have been living with me for 6 years. THey are now 14 and 11. I have twin bio sons that are 3 and a half. It is difficult sometimes. Especially when BM is in the picture. When she is not things run smoothly but when she is there is lots of conflict. I am their mom when they are here. Do all mom things and am called mom when they feel like it. Otherwise they call me by my name.
I would talk to your SO because it is important for him to know your expectations when it comes to his bio kids, and for you to know his expectations. I have found that communication is key. You have to communicate with him and be on the same page. Kids are great but they can come between you, if you are not a united front. Good luck.