BM Accuses My S15 of Molestation
Would you believe it? Yes she did.
Last summer, fiance (now husband) and I with my son, his s11 and his d5 went on one of our usual picnics.
My s14 was playing with 5yrold some game and said "You're so sweet" and licked her cheek. Well, the 5yr told her mom and it was completely blown out of proportion. My fiance and I both believed that is was wrong and completely out of order but we know it was innocent. Not so for BM. She kept D from coming over and said she was not allowed to be around my son ever. So the shouting matches were none stop because my H wanted to have his D over. Come to find out in December D5 tells her father that BM took her to court because of what my son did. H and I both knew she didn't have a leg to stand on but we just rode the wave. Well for New Year's Eve and two months later after that BM allowed D to stay. (She obviously had no case to keep H from SD.) I was mad and on edge because of BM accusations. BM insisted that D5 sleep in the bed with us and I refused and had my son sleep at his uncle's and I slept in his room.
Well she was here this weekend again. 
This time at my mother's advice, that this is my son's house too - especially since it was my H that gave up his place because it was too small for us - I kept my S15 home and we both slept his room.
Can I be honest? I liked it that she didn't come over. D5 is sassy to say the least and is growing into her mother's attitude. She's been quiet and very mild mannered in her visits lately. And I know it's because of all the junk BM has told her. I can hear BM now interrogating her about what's happened here with my son.
My S15 is an only child and really enjoyed the new found family thing. Now this. S15 and SD6 used to play, talk and have fun all the time, whenever she came to visit she would up to him to say hello -- now the tension can be cut with a knife. She doesn't say one word to him - not even hello when she came to our wedding and my son greeted her.
The whole thing sucks.
I know it's not SD fault. This is just a very awkward situation.
Have any of you gone through something similar? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Comments
Its classic her trying to
Its classic her trying to control and ruin your DH by tryin to make him have to leave you for the sake of his daughter.
This needs to be addressed though I would want to know what went on in this court thing and what can be done. THe judges see this all the time and will normally see right through it. You need to consult someone to protect your son. Never leave them alone. I am sorry but I would feel uncomfortable with her sleeping with your DH alone because I would wory her next motivagtion would to be to accuse your DH too. THis girl will need to talk to someone because in her mind, she loves your son and now shes distant, that isnt good for her and she is orobably confused. Unless the BB has a court order stating those restrictions you are not bound to them. Remind her the court order is in place and denial of visitation will be cause for contempt.
You are so right
SaneOne, you hit it right on the nail. Control. I also thought about the accusation hitting DH. I don't put past her. This weekend the SD6 and SS12 slept with DH on our king size bed.
I know SS needs counseling and SD will need it too.
DH is not big on that but I know when the sh@t hits the fan, he'll have to admit that the damage requires intervention.
I will have to find how to protect my son. For now, they don't spend anytime together alone in the same room. I told him if you see her coming, get out. (Who should live like that?)
No More Tip Toeing
Cruella, tiptoeing is exactly what I was doing and it was stressing me out. I'm the kind of person that needs peace - I don't function well in these types of environment. I've believed that my home is my sanctuary. I strive for maintaining calm and respect in our home. Something that DH never had. Not when he was a kid and not in his previous marriage.
Just the other day, DH made a big deal about my S touching something of his and how he couldn't find it and he said, "I can't believe this sh@t." In front of two of our dinner guests. I was fuming. I calmly said, "You don't have to make a scene." When he went on and on...I walked away. I hate scenes and I can't stand being disrespected. Sure nough, a minutes later he came to our bedroom to apologize and I didn't accept it, etc. etc. etc. A few minutes later the wife that was one of our dinner guests came in who knows him for years said, "Give him time, I like the way you handle that, with his previous wife they would have had a fallout. You'r good for him. He'll learn." etc. etc. etc. After they all left he apologized again. I still wasn't having it.
The next day, he invited me to dinner because I was so cold and distant. During dinner he brought up the incident and said, "Please be patient with me..." And we talked about having a relationship of respect and the importance of having a peaceful home.
I said all of that because, in my effort to keep a peaceful home, I was tiptoeing - but not anymore. I'm learning to address things in the moment in way that will cause DH to listen first and react later because he's so used to conflict. DH has a beautiful heart and many endearing qualities but conflict - that's not his forte.
This whole thing has thrown him into a loop and it's almost like he's thrown his hands up in surrender - though he won't admit that.
Cruella, thanks for your advice. You're a jewel.
Sad Sad Sad
After being told again and again by BM this little girl will start believing it herself . She will suffer emotional damage that she will live with forever ,and it will all be from her mom's doings . She isnt old enough to understand what her mom is realy doing ,but that is her mom and she will believe what she says . Has this little girl been to counseling ? If I thought tht my child had been sexualy abused I would take her to a doctor and a counselor to get verification. Maybe the BM should be taken to court for mental abuse of this little girl . I am realy disturbed over this , I hate to see kids abused . Your son is also a victim of her abuse . I couldnt imagine being accused of something like this at any age much less 14.I hope the best for you all . I would seek advice from a attorney before she says something that destroys someones life .
Truly Horrible
Peacekeeper, thank you for your comments and insight, my son is torn up about it, not only did he apologize to H when this happened, when I told him that SD couldn't come over he cried and was depressed for a few days. this woman is wicked - some people are just nasty to the core. that's her. I even gave her my telephone so that she could call to clear up the matter and she never called.
DH wants to fight to get custody of SS12 because SS can't stand his mother, proving she is an unfit mother will be a challenge. SS never, ever talks about his mother. And when I asked about his new baby sister that she gave birth to a few months ago, he replied "I'd rather not talk about it." Something is terrible wrong in that home but currently there's no way to find and DH is laxadical and won't ask because he'd rather not know - but i think there is some heavy emotional and mental abuse. Both of his children are painful shy that it's disturbing...really disturbing. It took them months just to say hello when they met me. They have serious trust issues that I believe is from the mother polluting their minds. She is a real B@tch. The list goes on and on. I'm keeping my eyes and ears open for anything I can document and use in a court of law.
You are so right mustang,
You are so right mustang, that's how she wants to hide and distract from the crap in her house.