Looks like they’re all reading straight from the Toxic Skid Playbook—same script, same nonsense.

I’m writing this because of MorningMia’s post, The dysfunctional theme/fantasy of SD's life

https://www.steptalk.org/forum/parenting/adult-stepchildren/dysfunctional-themefantasy-sds-life-280022#comment-1718285

The dysfunctional theme/fantasy of SD's life – The Problem - Why do they do this?

SD sent DH a wedding photo featuring herself flanked by DH on one side and her mother on the other. This might have been a typical family snapshot if SD's parents had maintained any semblance of a cordial post-divorce relationship. However, they hadn't spoken for years prior to the wedding. BM had been excluded from our lives due to her aggressive, toxic, and destructive behavior.

My Observation

Any time a Passed-Out-Skid has a picture in their paws of its first failed family, three things you should assume:

First, there’s a crazy-ass-BM—raging in the background, a one-woman propaganda machine, cranking out delusions and rewriting history at full speed. Because let’s be real, toxic and dysfunctional members of the first failed family aren’t just at odds with reality—they’re in an all-out war against it.

Second, BM has orchestrated a classic Drama Triangle, casting herself and the skids as the perpetual victims, while painting the biological father and his partner as the villains. This dynamic allows BM to avoid examining her own role in the marriage's breakdown. The skids, in turn, align with the parent who either shares their perspective or provides them with what they desire.

The Drama Triangle, conceptualized by Stephen Karpman, outlines three roles typically adopted in high-tension interactions: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer. In this scenario, BM and the skids occupy the Victim role, casting the biological father and his partner as the Persecutors. This framework enables BM to deflect responsibility for the failed marriage and garner sympathy from the skids.

Children often align with the parent who either validates their feelings or fulfills their needs. This alignment can be influenced by various factors, including the desire for approval, shared perspectives, or material benefits. In this case, the skids may gravitate towards BM because she offers them a narrative that absolves them of any discomfort regarding the divorce and possibly provides them with tangible rewards.

By perpetuating this Drama Triangle, BM ensures that she remains the central figure in the skids' lives, their cult-leader, always, while the biological father and his partner are unjustly vilified.

Third, the delusional offspring still haven’t moved on from the divorce—because why let logic or time get in the way of a good grudge? Instead, they’re fully committed to the post-divorce shenanigans, running the exact program BM installed in their heads, like well-trained minions on autopilot. Its multi-generational and it never ends. 

Our Situation

YSD was always PASSed-Out—in hindsight, she was less of an innocent bystander and more of a sleeper agent, secretly gathering intel for her cult leader. Her mission? Keeping close tabs on the Bank of Dad—sorry, I mean DH.

Meanwhile, BM played the victim card like a seasoned pro, luring her cult members into the role of her loyal rescuers. That was her secret sauce—emotional manipulation at its finest.

In the background, BM, the reigning woe-is-me cult leader, executed her master plan to perfection, brainwashing the skids into believing she was the pure-hearted innocent and DH was basically Satan in a polo shirt.

 How do we know? Because of the things YSD would say:

“When BM dies, she wants her ashes scattered at ‘Never-Never Land’—the honeymoon spot of DH and BM. Why? Because she says that was the happiest time of her life.”

Reality check: Funny, when it came time to go to ‘Never-Never Land’ for their honeymoon, BM got cold feet—almost backing out of the wedding mid-flight. Fast-forward over a decade later, BM was miserable with DH—so much so that she cheated on him. She already had her next husband lined up before even filing for divorce.

“I loved DH the most, not Toaster. But DH was so abusive—he pushed me away.”

Reality check:  BM, when is loving someone a competition?

BM’s definition of ‘abusive’ and ‘he pushed me away,’ translates to DH refusing to cater to her every excessive whim:

• NO! to the brand-new designer sports car she expected him to pay for.
• NO! to being her designated driver so she could hit the bars and get wasted.
• NO! to an excessive clothing budget for the skids. DH allowed enough clothes for a month’s rotation—BM demanded a three-month wardrobe.
• NO! She couldn’t spend all her money of spa treatments, hair appointments, nails, lashes, and new clothes, she had to save some.
• Hell No! To always bring fast food home or eating out at restaurants all the time.
• Oh…Hell No! To BM bringing her druggie friends into the house wanting a place to do recreational drugs.
• And, on and on we go.

Enter the Scared Relic of the First Failed Family – An indication the Full-Blown PASSed-Out has occurred

When the PASSed-Out Skids start creating shrines to the first failed family, It's game over!

BM had OSD and YSD so deep in the Cult of Mom that, during YSD’s peak PASSed-Out era, she turned her bedroom (aka the Bermuda Triangle of nasty laundry and empty Power drink cans and food wrappers) into a full-blown shrine for the first failed family.

Imagine a makeshift Voodoo altar— picture a dusty dresser, covered in junk, except for one carefully curated altar to BM’s delusions, a pagan ritual site—with this picture at its center:

The Blessed Madonna and Child— Slatternly BM, beaming in her rightful place at the center, with her Golden Child [BM’s Mimi-me avatar] cast as the second coming of BM, namely, Slatternly OSD

• The Overworked Serf—DH, looking like he just lost a fight with life itself.
• The Bewildered Bystander—YSD, (the Lost Child) posed in a permanent state of Huh?

Honestly, all it needed was some incense and a few candles to make it an official place of worship. Maybe even a donation plate for BM’s ever-growing list of demands.

Around the same time, YSD went completely off the rails—sneaking out, disappearing without a trace, and, despite being a minor, gallivanting around with adult men.

When DH finally put his foot down and grounded her, confiscating her phone for a whole day, he was suddenly labeled as 'abusive.' Imagine that—YSD had finally faced actual consequences for once! But, lo and behold, YSD teamed up with BM and called in the big guns—Child Protective Services—on DH.

YSD the Hypocrite

It's a real head-scratcher: YSD idolizes the "first failed family" so much that she practically built a Voodoo shrine on her cluttered dresser. Yet, she's out here accusing DH of abuse when she doesn't get her way. Talk about mixed signals!

While YSD clings to the idealized family image, she's been coached to see DH as the bad guy.

Add a dash of cognitive dissonance—the mental gymnastics we perform when holding conflicting beliefs—and you've got YSD in a bind. She venerates the original family unit but has estranged herself from DH, a primary member of her first failed family, leading to actions that contradict her supposed values. Essentially, YSD is a hypocrite.

In short, YSD's behavior is learned manipulation and internal conflict, causing her to act against the very family image she claims to hold dear.

As for OSD and YSD eventually seeing the light? Well, let's just say I'm NOT holding my breath for them to have that "a-ha" moment anytime soon.

It seems that OSD and YSD, much like MorningMia's skids, are enamored with an idealized version of their original family. However, in reality, they've distanced themselves from a key member of that family, possibly due to self-serving motives. Essentially, they are all hypocrites!