First time blogging...first time on a forum site really. I'm just hoping to find that I'm not alone in the way I'm feeling. All three skids unexpectedly moved in with us one week after returning from our honeymoon. BM is bipolar & had apparently gone off her meds. Skids had never stayed with us long term in the past (with exception of summer, holidays, normal standard possession) except for when bm had a hysterectomy. Anyway, bm had never appeared to be a bad mother...slightly extreme religious beliefs & fickleness with those beliefs yes, but to our knowledge nothing out of hand. Once she was hospitalized, CPS was brought into the mix & a safety plan was put in place that the kids would remain with us. Once this happened, more and more was revealed about their everyday life with her & how she was often extremely depressed, uninvolved, etc. DH & I agree that our home is the best place for the skids. We can offer stability, where as BM can not. BM is not contesting any of this. Right now though, she doesn't have anything except supervised visitation. This being said, dh and I have no alone time...EVER. We have gone from a life of just the two of us and our two dogs, to a house full of kids and their dog too, 24/7.
I thought I had been coping really well with all of this, but lately, not so much. I developed a lot of anxiety in the last few months, which had been under control with mild medication. Now, I'm feeling overwhelmed often with sadness & somewhat feeling like an outsider in my own home. I have started individual therapy which I'm hoping will help. I am feeling extremely guilty about not being the kind of mom I think they need right now with all this upheaval. It's hard for me to connect with them even though I've been around them for years...just not full time until the last five months. I also feel jealous which sounds awful, but it's true. I miss my husband...I miss our happy life and all the together time we had. The oldest (11) is ADHD, has a mild learning disability and also has mild depression & anxiety so he is quite the handful. We are having trouble finding a happy median in terms of our parenting styles. Anyway, I love my husband very much. I just was not expecting this massive life change one week after the most amazing time in my life. There is so much more I could vent about, but I suppose this is enough for now