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Fed up...need advice!!!

Tiredandsad's picture

Submitted by Tiredandsad on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:51pm

I just want to start out by saying that I am so glad that I found this site and that there are other people who understand what I am going through. That being said, I am sorry that anyone had to go through what I have had to endure over the past two and a half years.

Two and a half years ago I met my husband. He had a son that was a year and a half at the time (now four). Things were great for the first couple of months, until BM found out that I was moving in with the father. It got to the point where she was texting and calling over 70 times a month!!! My husband had to petition the court to keep the amount of overnight visits because she was threatening to take them away.

Among many of the stupid things she requests, one major thing is that she does not ever want me alone with SS. It breaks my heart because I am a good mother (I have a six yr old of my own whom my husband adopted last year), I work at a daycare and have clearances, and I love him as if he were my own. Also he has been calling me mommy (he was the one who wanted to, we never forced him or even asked him to) for the entire time.

They fought in mediation twice, but he was still awarded the three nights a week that he asked for. She has since then request four-way meetings between them and their lawyer every couple of months. We are ten thousand dollars in debt to our lawyer and it has only been a year!!!!

Fast forward to the present...my husband and I fight all the time, we still have lawyer debt, Im four months pregnant. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. Last night we fought, again, and I took the day off so I could sit at home and have time to myself to cry! Im not happy in my marriage anymore. Im at my wits end and I dont know what to do anymore.

Comments

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 4:15pm

I hate having to take time off from work just to be alone, but have had to do that many times! It sucks, huh?

I'm so sorry your feeling so bad. It really sounds like your BM is going to keep making your life a living hell as long as your husband lets her. He's going to have to stand up to her at some point, if he wants to salvage your relationship.

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 4:21pm

Just because BM "requests" meetings with your lawyers, doesn't mean you have to comply.

If the CO states that you DO have to do this, see about getting CS adjusted with this extra added expense due to SS (in reality, due to crazy BM but whatever).

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 12/01/2011 - 2:12am

I too agree with Skylark - your DH does not have to go along with it, nor does he have to respond to the 70 messages a month.
Things got bad between my DH and the BM shortly after I met him, and she would call and scream at him quite frequently. After about 3 YEARS! of this I eventually persuaded him that he should put the phone down on her if she raised her voice or was unreasonable - him being very assertive helped the situation a lot. She realised that she could not bully him. If you read a lot of the posts on this forum, you will see that the best way to handle unreasonable BMs is to be assertive and lay your boundaries out very firmly.
I think unless you and he do this you will probably not want to be in the marriage much longer anyway, so it is worth a try.
One other point about not being alone with the SS. I myself insisted that until my SDs were about 12, I did not want to be left alone with them. The reason for this was that I did not trust BM not to make up some rubbish about me abusing her daughters - this is the one thing she could do to me that might have seriously ruined my life. DH understood and agreed with my standpoint on this. So in a way it is protecting yourself to not be alone with him.