Failed first family, ffs
I get to thinking I'm good without steptalk, maybe I delude myself. I get some moments of quiet. I think my situaton is surely different/better/superior/solved. It isn't. And I've been a crummy listener to everyone else who is reaching out here in my false superiority. For that, I apologize.
BM is dead. deadeadeadead. d. e. a. d. I shared my relief over her passing here.
It's mothers day tomorrow. My H has taken it upon himself to call and coddle and soothe his 40 year old 'children'.
I have an ever-growing pile of memories of holidays, commemorations, events, over a decade, where I am utterly discarded. And this year is no damn different.
I would love a life where I could go all Rag's on his azz. I would love to burn this world down. I have a powerful post-menopausal rage and lack of flucks to give. But my bread is buttered for the future by my staying in this sad place.
I wouldn't mind if he took his crotchety, old, passive, uninteresting carcass and got some first hand rejection from those "girls" of his. Ain't no one got time to poo-poo this old goat but me. And he sure isn't cognizant of how my compromise and long-suffering means he gets a decent old age.
Nothing to solve, much to scream into the void.
I hope you all hear meaningfully from those you've invested in tomorrow. I hope the cockroaches of your own story stay in the dark and give you a day off.
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Comments
You have nothing to appologize for.
Keep taking care of you.
Even if you have to suffer through the wafting stench of your SO's BM orphaned noxious spawn and his chasing of their backsides, focus on living your best life. Make reservations for the killer restaurant of your choice, buy yourself a nice piece of bling, get dolled up, and drag his crotchety old ass out to celebrate the day at your initiative.
When the restaurant staff wishes you HMD, beam a smile and tell them thankyou and comment how your incredible DH is so sweet to take you out for a 5* dinner for your mother's day.
Have fun, send the not at all veiled message to DH, and enjoy your day.
You can burn it all down without destroying a thing. If you engage the devious side of your brain.
Take care of you..
Have fun with it. There is no need to actually tell him it is to celebrate the demise of the Harpy BM.
Oddly
Even the worst people get eulogized and put up on a pedestal after they've passed. All of their egregious behavior in life is somehow forgotten. I guess you'll have to let the baby have its bottle... let DH coddle and condolence the adult skids. Just try not to get your eyes stuck in a high rolling position.
Sometimes when evil problem
Sometimes when evil problem people die, their status oddly changes. I think if BM here died, DH would feel so so so very sorry for his kids (who worship her), he could easily get sucked in again. *shudder*
It's crucial that we have other positive focuses in life: friends, other family, hobbies, work, volunteer work, whatever. Find people/situations where you don't feel discarded. It's devastating to be drowning in toxic BM (dead or alive) fumes. You can get out of that. We're here.
I hear this. Deeply.
I hear this. Deeply.
Take care of yourself,
You come first. If DH isn't over his late X. That's on him. But you remember that, let him and his adult SK do what they seam fit. You can not stop this nonsense. But you start to disengage. Disengaging with all of them
thanks, all
I'm feeling clothed and in my right mind again. My kids shone bright for mother's day. I really pity that he will forever be guessing and being dainty with his offspring. There's no moving on from any issues when you have to constantly flog your parent. I had a shift at work yesterday, but tomorrow he and I have a plan to go on a kayak float to a new locale. The water always washes my soul clean. I did tell him, with raised volume and clenched teeth, never mention those people to me when I'm enjoying our spot at the lake, under any circumstance. I impressed upon him how our time in nature is so sacred to me, that I will ban him from my outside time if he cannot keep that part of his decisions away from where we connect best. Tomorrow's trip will be "make-up" nature.
I've been disengaged for many years now. IDK why he felt the need to tell me they were in his day at that time. Likely because the time outside really does make us feel good. He probably wanted to share a good moment he was feeling. But, sheesh. It sure brought me to my knees momentarily.
There is so much to what you
There is so much to what you wrote here.
That is wonderful. So happy to hear this!
Although my DH will bite back and the skids know where his line is, I feel this. . . the guessing and "being dainty" <--perfectly said.
And you are so right: nothing moves forward when you feel the need to constantly flog your parent, no matter how light or harsh the flogging, whether it openly involves hurling insults and blame or if it is more passive aggressive, involves exclusion, lies, etc.
We, too, go out on the water and/or to the mountains for that cleansing! It has been such a lifesaver for us and our relationship.
Good!
Hope springs eternal. lol. Maybe my kids aren't so bad. Maybe she will come around and decide to give them a(nother) chance. Maybe they've matured. Maybe she'll see things my way. Maybe. . . maybe . . . maybe.
Smoking the Hope-ium pipe can consume a marriage.
Sadly.
Knowing when to play the write off card is a critical capability in many blended marriages when it comes to toxic kidults.
Good for you for making the
Good for you for making the boundary clear, especially with respect to your own time. He needs to appreciate the life and home he has with you, and you and him are still a family unit. And BM is not in any way shape or form (dead or alive) more special than you!!
Brilliance!
BM is not in any way shape or form (dead or alive) more special than you!!
Many re-partnered prior breeder parents upgraded for any number of reasons. Why toxicity seems to rise following reproduction leading to so many failed prior couples is an eternal mystery that many SPartners who have coupled with refugee partners from failed families struggle to navigate. Sadly, many of the partners that SPartners couple with fail to ever figure out their baggage. Far too many SPartners have their lives and new relationships polluted by that unresolved or at least uncontrolled baggage.