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Updates on Those Who Have Exited StepHELL

thinkthrice's picture

I know some have stayed on this forum past SH and commented, which is a great morale booster to those who are making the right choice to exit themselves. 

I know others lurk from time to time.   It would be nice to get updates from some former posters.  I would love to learn, for example, how Simpleton made out post shiftless guilty daddy.

If any of you escapees would like to join in and update, that would be marvelous!

Comments

Livingoutloud's picture

I escaped a total shit show in 2014 with a huge help from steptalk, rejoined few years later under different name when I married a man with adult DDs.

I am in stepfamily blended situation again but I don't have major issues so I rarely share.
 

I mean one of my SDs is very troubled, way worse than my previous SDs or many SDs on here. But my DH puts me and our marriage first so it's not a big deal for me. In my stephell before SDs always came first, that's why I left  

what happened to me cemented my strong belief that the issue is almost never skids. The issue absolutely is your spouse and how he/she treats you. 

IDontCare3117's picture

I'd love to hear from a few of the escapees,too.  I'd also like to hear from of the, um, shall we say, people with "interesting" stories.  Ya know, the ones we couldn't tell were real or fiction.  lol

DPW's picture

After 15 years-ish of daily reading.... gulp.... I constantly wonder about the OGs and where they are. Back in the day, I knew a lot offsite, but then ST went through a shit ton of drama and I stopped all those relationships due to not knowing who to trust.

I have seen so many evolutions of ST. It is really different today, in my opinion, than the old days. For the good and bad, I'd say.

paul_in_utah's picture

I feel the same way.  Always wonder what happened to Drac0.  And AngryStepDad and his stripper skid.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

I wonder what happened to him and his SS Tall Boy.

And I'd love to know if just.his.wife is happy living her best life.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

you forgot.  His posts were hilarious. *ROFL*

Mominit's picture

The tall boy and nutella stories were great!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

My theory is his wife found out about his ST account and insisted he stop documenting aka making fun of Tall Boy.

I miss his writing skills and sense of humor.

MissK03's picture

Can anyone elaborate the "drama" I'm just naturally curious haha. I do remember "RUNNNNN." Poster (she had a few user names) caused drama but nothing that crazy. 

MissK03's picture

I miss Gimlet. I hope she's doing good in her life. She always gave great advice. Also simpleton's SD with D. All the above wrong with her.

DPW's picture

I miss her terribly. She is one of few that I would exchange messages with about life occasionally and I adored her. Smart. Beautiful. Outstanding. Compassionate. Supportive. I could go on and on.

DPW's picture

Totally. 

She also always had my back on here. My style is not always appreciated by some, lol.

WalkOnBy's picture

I miss her, too.  I have texted her a few times over the last few months to check, but haven't heard anything from her in forever :-( 

mommadukes2015's picture

I haven't heard back in a while either. 
 

I hope she's so happy & busy that she just doesn't have time. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I miss Gimmie so much!

reedle2021's picture

I left stephell May 27 of 2022.  My posts are available for anyone needing a refresher into the hell that was my life.  I left, filed for divorce, moved 5 hours away.  I am quite happy in my life now.  I am in counseling still as I was also in an abusive relationship while in stephell.  I will say that several months ago, my ex's sister reached out to me - I forgot to block her because while we got along well, we never had much of a relationship because my husb shunned his family for "being stupid."  Anyway, she let me know how awful my ex's life is as he turned to her when I left and when his son left.  She said the last time she talked to him, he was about to be evicted.  She said that after I left, his then 21 year old stepson moved in with his mommy and stepdaddy and is continuing to barely work.  Apparently, she said my ex is regretting his decisions to treat me terribly and make his manchild a priority over our marriage.  She said my ex's life is awful and she is pretty sure he might be homeless.  She said he did try to date a few months after I left, but the girl was creeped out by his adult son living with him and left.  She met this girl and heard this information first hand.  I thought that was funny.  I told his sister thank you for calling me but that I didn't need any further information about his life because I had moved on.  I politely told her no more contact. She was respectful and kind about it.

I am not dating though there was a man where I work who expressed interest.  I wasn't interested anyway but things went south when he immediately started showing me pics of his teenage daughter.  I smiled politely and then said to him, "I'm not interested.  I don't want to date someone who is already married to his daughter."  So he has since stayed away.  LOL.

I could not have left stephell without the support of all the compassionate, kind folks on this site. This site was how I first learned that what I was dealing with was not normal and that I wasn't the selfish horrid person my ex and his son made me out to be.

I still lurk on here but sometimes take a break because reading what people are going through makes my stomach turn and upsets me.  But I always come back because I want to try to help others the way I was helped on this site.

Anyway, take care all!

Reedle Biggrin

DPW's picture

You are the ST poster of the year 2022 in my opinion. never forget that you are a success! You broke free, working on yourself, holding boundaries. You are rocking it!

reedle2021's picture

Thanks!  :)  Leaving him was one of the scariest and happiest days of my life and after that, everything has gotten better on a daily basis. 

I wish you all could have SEEN the look on that guy's face when he was showing me his daughter's pictures and I said what I said about not dating him because he was married to his daughter.  LMAO!  It was like I had slapped him, he was just so shocked that I wasn't as fascinated with his daughter as he was!  *GAG*  I figure I dodged a bullet so to speak.  Smile

Rumplestiltskin's picture

He's probably being used to being congratulated on what an amaaazing dad he is when he does it. 

Lillywy00's picture

The bar has been set so low for men that all they gotta do show some random ass pics of their kids to get some accolades. 

Nah bruh show me 24/7 live footage of you actually taking care of those kids, disciplining them when appropriate, bringing in a stable income to provide for them, etc.....

thinkthrice's picture

Chef showing me photos of his ferals back in the day.   They truly think it's a dating asset!

Lillywy00's picture

LOL!!!!....Why tf would we be interested in them bragging about their mini-spouse?!?

This dude pulled out some baby pictures of his daughter and was expecting me to "ooohh and ahhh" and I was like "oh, when was that picture taken?" "Oh, where where ya'll in this pic" 

Nothing about how cute and precious and angelic because she looked like the average 'raised in the hood' baby and the picture was just another reminder of his domestic t3rrorists, I mean mini-spouse, who he allows to cause tension in this house. 

At least you quickly saw what time it was and dismissed it!

reedle2021's picture

Yeah, when that guy pulled out his wallet and started to thumb through the stack of her pictures, I immediately got a disgusted look on my face as I turned my chair abruptly around to face my desk.  LOL.  Dumba** still didn't get it.

Lillywy00's picture

IDK what makes these men think always prioritizing their kids whims/coddling their kids (especially grown males) is cute or attractive to any woman.

*I'll be using your posts for motivation as I work to extricate myself from StepHELL

Rumplestiltskin's picture

To the naive newcomer, it is attractive. You think "Wow, he is so tender and caring and protective of his kids. Imagine what a great partner he will be! He is amaaazing!" That's why it's such a slap in the face to realize that either a) it's all for show and he's really looking for a babysitter or b) he uses all those qualities on  his kids and BM but there's none left over for you. 

Lillywy00's picture

*Le sigh*

This entire post sums up my soon to be ex partner. 

Every.last.word.

reedle2021's picture

Agreed.  I now know what signs to look for.  But, to be honest, I won't date anyone who has kids.  Of any age.  Just. NO.

reedle2021's picture

I have my own personal opinion of men/women who do this - I don't dare write it on here or I may be banned.  But yes, now when I see a guy or gal fawning over their kids, I puke in my mouth and roll my eyes - all at the same time!  Smile

We are all here for you as you work through this.  You can do it!  Smile

Lillywy00's picture

Prepare to possibly puke again....after reading the blog I'm about to post here shortly. 

Thanks so much Reedle. I totally appreciate it. You and the others have been super helpful and insightful.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

This is the update I was hoping for lol

I sometimes go read your breakup post just to relish in your exs reaction as you were packing up the house

I knew the son would leave once you stopped providing them with food and shelter lol

I dont believe he regrets how he treated you, more he regrets losing a house and a provider

Lillywy00's picture

That guy has got to be the idiot of the year. 

Putting his degenerate son above his cash-cow and expected said cash-cow to still provide for 2 grown men despite such horrid treatment.

*Sorry for the terminology but reading your posts is exactly how it sounded like he was viewing you.

Some of these maladjusted bio parents are THAT delusional. Thinking they, and their demon seed (I mean perfect angels), are so magnificent that anyone would just move mountains to lock in with them/deal with their dysfunction for little to no payoff.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

He is actually smart and cunning. He used reedle so he didnt have to work nor provide for his children. The thing is with ppl like him, they are very entitled and using her was not enough, he also thought very highly of himself and made a pt to demean her with his son in tow. According to reedle, they made fun of her and criticized her daily....the person who is providing for them!!!! They thought she would never leave...He was quite upset about losing the golden goose....I have to say his reaction and 5 stages of grief was quite funny and I get a kick of reading it

 

These single parents are leeches to the max

Lillywy00's picture

Right.... smart enough to marry her (secure his bag)/ live off of her/ride her coattails/etc but if he wanted to keep his cash cow indefinitely he would aquiesced to her not that degenerate son with no job and nothing to offer.

This is an EXCELLENT example of what happens when Disneyland parents putting their marriage last goes wrong.......

reedle2021's picture

And yes, 1st3rd5thWEInHell, he did that exact despicable thing, using me so he can sit on his ass at home while I provided.  And yes, they both bullied me, criticized me daily - very demeaning.  Both are leeches.  And again, you are spot on, my ex had a huge ego and seemed to relish in demeaning me.  He used to try to convince me I did something I didn't, then when I politely tried to say I didn't do whatever he was accusing me of, he would smirk and say, "I love to watch you squirm."  I now know that is very pathological behavior.  If someone loves you, they wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable.

Last I heard SS was living with mama and stepdaddy and my ex was looking to be homeless.  So I guess I'm having the last laugh right now.  Smile

reedle2021's picture

No offense taking for your terminology - that is exactly what I was to him.  A cash cow.  An ATM.  I was treated horribly and bullied by them both.  Many nights I would come home from work, back door locked, I have to let myself in with my work bag, sometimes my violin case (lessons) in my hands.  Then I walk in to being completely ignored by them both, for hours.  They would talk about movies they liked or whatever at the dinner table right in front of me, and refuse to even look at me.  It was awful. 

reedle2021's picture

I agree, I figured his son would leave because with me gone, daddy would expect him to help pay bills. 

I agree, I think he has no remorse over what he did to me, just remorse over losing my paychecks. 

grannyd's picture

Yo, Lilly,

Your comment ~ This is an EXCELLENT example of what happens when Disneyland parents putting their marriage last goes wrong.......~

should be cross-stitched on a sampler and hung in the main room of every stepmother's home! reedle's experience was the ultimate illustration of how an out of control, narcissistic Disney Dad can destroy one’s life and reduce one’s self-esteem to zero.

1st3rd5thWEInHell, you and I are on the same wavelength, concerning reedle’s updates! Whenever she posts, I salivate in my lust to hear that her nasty ex-husband and his loathsome son have caught their comeuppance. I HATE bullies and reedle’s ex was the worst. Every time I’d read about that rat-bastard and his degenerate (thanks, Lilly for that apt adjective) son slouching around the apartment, unemployed and even smoking pot on reedle’s dime, my blood pressure would spike.

Too bad, you leech and your adult leechling! And I’ll bet the farm that yon degenerate’s stepdaddy will soon tire of the jobless parasite’s lazy, entitled attitude. No two users were ever more deserving of pitching a tent under an overpass than treedle’s ex and his spawn. 

 

 

Lillywy00's picture

I will have so much relief, joy, peace when I can contribute something to this specific thread. 

I was ready to leave StepHELL the moment this dudes monstrous ex-wife moved her trfiling a$$ back in town (7 minutes away - BARF) with her no-home training/demanding spawns, sent her demon seeds over EVERY mf weekend and holiday (including mothers day), then pretended she couldnt single parent to save her live, called daily begging for money, refused to drive her kids anywhere (in the car he helped her finance that is supposed to be for transporting those kids), and more horror stories. 

This dude is so riddled with guilt that his mini-spouses (at the orders of his beastly ex-wife) pretty much run his life and try to run the house I pay bills in. I'll never date a man with dependent kids again after this. Not worth the unlimited headaches, being 5th string behind these kids who have nothing going for themselves, and behind this hiddeous lazy manipulative ex-wife who invokes more fear in him than losing any adult relationship he may desire to have.

I'm D.O.N.E.!!! Those low level creatures can have this dude and this house. I'd rather have my peace and freedom .... without them!

The day I can say I leave this sh*tshow (it's in the works and this dude's day is coming) is the day you'll see me doing the Irish Jig on Facebook Live

reedle2021's picture

Lillywy00, I have read your posts and my heart breaks for you and I get angry for you.  I can tell you that you will be insanely HAPPY when you leave this mess.  I agree, I'll also never date a man with kids.  Ever again.  In fact, a friend of mine tried to set me up with a friend of hers who has kids, "But they're all adults and one just had the first grandbaby..blahblahblah."  I immediately quit listening and told her no.  I think it offended her, but she has never experienced stephell.  The age of the kids doesn't matter.  They still won't accept you. 

When you do that Irish jig, you better post it - and I'll dance with you!  Smile

Lillywy00's picture

Exactly.....I used to think 'oh adult kids won't be as bad as under 18 (since they'll have jobs, be at college, have cars to take themselves places, and be more independent)......till I saw this forum with a special place where atep parents are ranting about adult stepkids wreaking havoc.

Proof that stepHELL with maladjusted bioparents continues indefinitely

Gag me!!!

reedle2021's picture

My sister-in-law's parents divorced when she and her brother were in their 30s.  It was an amicable divorce.  Anyway, her dad starts dating and both her and her brother are hateful to their dad's girlfriend, refuse to meet her, to acknowledge her or allow her at any family get-togethers.  I've always thought they way they treat her is just despicable.

So, when it comes to dating someone with adult kids, my answer is still a firm NO. 

Noway2b1's picture

My DH has his challenges that's true BUT he made it clear to me and his kids, me and our marriage comes first. I mean literally he told them that to their faces. Breaking some of his "habits" born out of being a bachelor for so long has taken some time and there's been a few bumps but it has been well worth it. I think someone should start a red flags when you're dating and how to test them thread. At first glance my DH would be a hell no but he really wasn't as invested in them as it initially appears. Hence the guilt reaction he sometimes gives to them. 

Lillywy00's picture

Agreed. Your husband did the right thing. That's how theyre supposed to do. 

Any normal well-adjusted sane heterosexual man with some brain cells will understand that his kids will grow up, leave the house, and once theyre gone (if he failed to nurture the marriage just to hyperfocus solely on his kids) he won't have a marriage if he neglected the foundation.

Kids AND the wife leaving.....

Noway2b1's picture

He has only gotten more distant the more they (one in particular) do it. It's been freeing for me because it's helped me see the real them and stand by my own boundaries with them. 

reedle2021's picture

Your husband definitely did it the right way.  And I agree, the marriage comes first.  It's refreshing that he told his kids that. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I can't remember her usuer name, but I miss the poster who had the teenage SS who had been abused and neglected by his BM. Her DH finally had custody and SS was still occasionally visiting his mom when she happened to be available. She had a drug problem and was often homeless. I was always so impressed with how the poster was a safe place for him to express his feelings and she let him figure so much about his mom on his own. Her SS was a good kid. She thought some very bad things may have happend to her SS while he was with his Mom, but didn't know the whole story. She also gave great advice. I can almost remember her name and it is driving me crazy that I can't think of it.

DPW's picture

Was it the extreme abuse/trauma case where SS had a horrific upbringing and was placed with dad? I'm so bad with names. 

That one broke my heart. I cried so much reading her posts. 

mommadukes2015's picture

I didn't get out-of step he'll at least it just got better. Right about the time I stopped giving a shit & set some firm boundaries. 

When my SS came to live with us BM1 showed up when she felt like it, as he got older he got more bitter about it but he just graduated & is 18. He's working with a job coach (he has ASD) & things are pretty good in that department. Minimal contact with BM. 
 

SD is 13 now and only living with her grandparents. BM2 unfortunately fell off her sobriety wagon & is not living with them at present. I think she's back on the wagon now, but don't really know know since we deal with her mom mostly now. 
 

we FINALLY bought a house. Out from under Uncle Jacka**' thumb and boy was he a jacka** to the bitter end. 
 

I gor a promotion, designer a program & now I lead a team of 6 administrating said program. 
 

I did also text Gimmie a while back and didn't hear from her. Has anyone spoken to her lately? 

thinkthrice's picture

Who ran the vacuum early in the morning to get her skids out of bed and again when they became annoying?  She also served them meals exclusively on paper plates and throwaway plastic cutlery?  I thought that was a great idea bc I bad caught the ferals often throwing away silverware.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

We didn't leave StepHell, it left us. Both skids were PASed out of our lives about 8 years ago now. They'e both adults now (24 and 18), so if they decide to crawl out of BM's rectum and see the light, that's up to them. Meanwhile, it's been peaceful. *bye*

Rags's picture

I won the marriage lottery when I met my DW.  I won the StepDad lottery with SS who was a toddler when hsi mom and I met.  I raised him as my own.

I know full well I have the Unicorn Step Parent life/marriage.

For me, the key management element is focus on behaviors and enforcement of standards of behavior, and standards of performance.  I have had to enforce this model with my IL clan, the SpermClan and periodically in my profession.  It works.  Document, enforce, apply escalating consequenences for deviations from standard.

Lather.... rinse... repeat.

I miss several OG STalkers.  Old Crone, Ditzy Blonde, and several others whose names and comments float when someone resurects an aged thread.  They are mostly very early STalkers from 10+ years ago.