...he thinks my disengaging is making things worse with sd20. I asked him how. He says, "Because neither of you are talking about the problems." I said, "I told her my issues and what I expected. I told her that when she decided to grow up and be more respectful, she would be welcome in my home and around myself and my kids again. She knows." Then he said, "I'm tired of being stuck in the middle."

I told him that he is not stuck in the middle of anything. I have not stopped him from seeing his daughter or grandson, have not gotten upset with him when he sees them or when he talks about them... I just refuse to allow her to talk to me like a dog and I'm sure not going to let her around my kids when she doesn't respect me. She says that I'm not her mother, never did anything to mother her, says she's an adult and she can do what she wants... she can learn some lessons on adult consequences. When you treat people like dog crap, you are LEFT with dog crap! He says that sd told him that she's not putting him in the middle either. I said, "if she's not saying crap about me to you then she's not. You just need to learn how to deal with things the way they are and quit stressing over it and let whatever happens, happen."

Basically, long story short (or not so short... lol), he is wanting ME to cave with sd20. I told him that if he respected me as his wife, he would back off and stop pressuring me to be sd's personal doormat. He asked how I would feel if he ever treated my kids like this. I said, "If MY kids ever treated YOU like this I would have been all over their butts and making them APOLOGIZE to you or I wouldn't be talking to them either until they DID learn how to respect you because I didn't raise them to treat ANY adult like this!"

Needless to say, it was an hour of me trying to explain to him WHY sd's disrespect was WRONG, him telling me that sd THINKS she apologized (her apology was, "I MAY have POSSIBLY raised my voice". Do y'all consider that an apology? I see that as someone that KNOWS they did something wrong and refuse to take responsibility for it), and I ended the conversation with, "The last time we had a falling out, I was the one that started talking to her and apologized and did all I could to make things right for the sake of the "family". All that did was make her think that she had permission to talk to me any way she WANTS to. The ball is in HER court. She started this BS... she can grow up, act like the adult she wants to be treated like, and FIX it!"

This whole conversation started because sd's fiance' told dh today (they work together), that sd is constantly yelling at him and he's fed up with it. Oh, IMAGINE THAT! When he told me, I said, "Uh, YEAH. She's been doing it for over a year now... treating him like a doormat too. He's finally getting sick of it. GOOD FOR HIM!" DH said he talked to sd about it and told her that she is going to end up losing her husband if she doesn't change her attitude... her response, "I don't need him anyway!" Then the baby started crying. DH told her, "You are going to lose EVERYONE." Obviously she doesn't get it... 1 way or another... she's gonna get it. Whether it's sooner or later is a whole other story. In the end, dh now knows that I REFUSE to cave not just to sd, but to ANYONE that disrespects me or treats me like sh**.