We fought more at first...but we became more loving.
I think fighting a lot to start is typical and the hardest part. I think it gets way better as long as people stick with it.
H needs individual therapy though so couples therapy didn't work in the long run. Perhaps we'll try it again someday though.
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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin
I have tried it, and can I get back to you in a few months when we really get into it?
From our first session though, I believe it will be beneficial. But I can see how having a counselor that doesn't understand a stepfamily dynamic would hinder more than help.
The best communication we had was on the hour drive to the counselor and then we were very loving the rest of the day after. When we broke up, we went a few more times together. Neither of us wanted to hate each other. It kind of kept us honest through the break up, emotionally. That was actually really helpful. I still don't hate him, but honestly, he's an idiot.
That's what happened to me to, with my ex. We were in counseling for five friggin' years before I got the courage to leave. Counseling validated my own feelings and helped with that courage. Don't expect counseling to "fix" the problem. It gives you tools to address it.
We went. It only works if both parties are committed to listening to what the counselor says and making real changes.
I honestly think DH believed the counselor was going to validate him and tell us all MY problems. When she began telling DH what he was doing wrong and what he needed to change, he decided she was a quack and completely tuned her out. So, while I was taking her advice to heart and trying to make changes myself, he was ignoring her and doing exactly as he wanted. Obviously, it doesn't work so well under that scenario.
It took DH about three years to figure out that maybe what the counselor said had some merit. He's actually been trying lately, which is a plus. I only wish it had happened sooner!
Comments
We fought more at
We fought more at first...but we became more loving.
I think fighting a lot to start is typical and the hardest part. I think it gets way better as long as people stick with it.
H needs individual therapy though so couples therapy didn't work in the long run. Perhaps we'll try it again someday though.
____________________________________________________________________________
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin
Went. Helped. FH learned a
Went. Helped.
FH learned a lot. I learned a lot.
I can't wait to get back. (or insurance got muffed up, we finally got it straightened out so we can go back now)
I have tried it, and can I
I have tried it, and can I get back to you in a few months when we really get into it?
From our first session though, I believe it will be beneficial. But I can see how having a counselor that doesn't understand a stepfamily dynamic would hinder more than help.
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"If it sounds like I think I am better than you, it's because I do."
*like* "There are two things
*like*
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
***LIKE*** I always tell
***LIKE***
I always tell DH "Once you realize that I am always right, we're going to get along just fine."
LOL "A pessimist complains
LOL
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.
The best communication we
The best communication we had was on the hour drive to the counselor and then we were very loving the rest of the day after. When we broke up, we went a few more times together. Neither of us wanted to hate each other. It kind of kept us honest through the break up, emotionally. That was actually really helpful. I still don't hate him, but honestly, he's an idiot.
To every thing there is a season.
That's what happened to me
That's what happened to me to, with my ex. We were in counseling for five friggin' years before I got the courage to leave. Counseling validated my own feelings and helped with that courage. Don't expect counseling to "fix" the problem. It gives you tools to address it.
I went years ago with my
I went years ago with my first husband...we split up within months...
We went. It only works if
We went. It only works if both parties are committed to listening to what the counselor says and making real changes.
I honestly think DH believed the counselor was going to validate him and tell us all MY problems. When she began telling DH what he was doing wrong and what he needed to change, he decided she was a quack and completely tuned her out. So, while I was taking her advice to heart and trying to make changes myself, he was ignoring her and doing exactly as he wanted. Obviously, it doesn't work so well under that scenario.
It took DH about three years to figure out that maybe what the counselor said had some merit. He's actually been trying lately, which is a plus. I only wish it had happened sooner!
So do you guys think I
So do you guys think I should bring anything? Or should I just go with the flow (I'm so not good at this) Stupid Anxiety....
Go with the flow and stop
Go with the flow and stop worrying!! Don't make yourself have an anxiety attack like I did last week!
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"If it sounds like I think I am better than you, it's because I do."