Oops
I have had several conversations with DH where I rationally tell him how I feel about the SDs in an adult and clear manner and we discuss together how to remedy the situation. I try not to let me evil stepmother warts show very often. But not everyone is perfect.
Last night DH calls me while I am at work telling me his 24 year old brother and all his brother's friends are coming over Christmas day and we are going to make a turkey dinner for them. Oh and by the way he is at the grocery store buying the turkey. Typically we celebrate Christmas eve with my family and Christmas day is more of a day to relax and enjoy each other's company. I may or may not have flown into a hormonal rage when I got home because I was not consulted on how we were going to spend our holiday, just told.
DH's family is just plain rude. His mother refuses to acknowledge I exist to the point where she didn't come to our wedding, despite DH paying for all her travel expenses upfront. DH's brother acts like he owns our place, doesn't even tell me hi when he gets there, or bother to interact with me in any way whatsoever. My family on the other hand LOVES DH. They are visibly disappointed when I go over and he doesn't come with me. In fact, my parents buy me one joint gift for Christmas, but for DH they both want to buy something for him individually. I don't care about that though, I like that they love him.
Back to the story. So DH gets all up in arms saying that we get to spend Christmas with my family so why should he have to ask permission when he NEVER sees his family. Not only is this not true, but seeing my family does not require me, being pregnant, to clean my entire house top to bottom and cook an elaborate dinner.
At this point I can't stop myself and may or may not have said something along the following lines: "What do you mean you NEVER see your family?! Every other weekend I open my home to 'your family' that you spawned from another woman! I never complain when they act like they own the place! I cook for them, I clean for them, I give up my husband to them! And guess what?! All they are is loud, obnoxious, spoiled and bratty!!"
Needless to say this did not go over very well and even though it is true and felt sooo good to say, I had to not only take it back but agree to allow him to have his stupid Christmas day for his ungrateful brother.
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Comments
Eh, I would have let him have
Eh, I would have let him have his christmas, but not taken it back. }:)
I think what you said was
I think what you said was over the top but your DH has got to understand that you don't feel like an outcast with your family as you do with his. He should be defending you to his family telling them to show some respect towards you and if they have an issue there's the door. I hate it when a man can't defend their wifes honor. Seems so cowardly.
I so would NOT be cooking and
I so would NOT be cooking and cleaning. As for the cleaning - well you know it will be a mess when they leave so why bother.
And HE can cook the turkey that he bought. And figure out if he is including anything else. I'd be nice and maybe set the table and eat with them.
Of course they will talk about you - but aren't they going to do that anyway?
yeah i'm pretty sure I'd do
yeah i'm pretty sure I'd do as bestwife says. Treat his family like I do the skids. You invited, you can clean before hand- or they can see a messy house- and I wouldn't be doing all the cooking.
We have decided that he can
We have decided that he can figure out how to cook a damn turkey himself. I don't even really like turkey. Maybe I will eat with them...or maybe I will just make them go eat in the game room while playing their stupid video games all night while I watch a holiday movie by myself.
I would be a "witch" to any
I would be a "witch" to any one in his family who is disrespectful. If they come in and you say hello but they dont I would call them on it. like "wow someone is a Grinch and cant say hi it is christmas after all". But I dont handle disrespect very well and I have been told I am very confrontational.
good luck.
My husband and I have an
My husband and I have an agreement when its his family he has to do the cleaning and cooking. If its my family I do the cleaning and the cooking. I help out with both (esp the bathrooms!) but it is our agreement that his family is his responsiblity.
Oh no way, not over the top
Oh no way, not over the top at all IMO. I think you said exactly what was needed to be said because if you don't, he thinks he can walk all over you.
SO has the same problem "Why do we have to eat with your parents, we NEVER eat or do anything with mine."
Excuse me? Cooking/eating dinner or lunch with your mother once a week, giving her ALL the american holidays, and going out of our way to spend at least an hour every week just shooting the s**t with her is obviously less time than eating an asian holiday dinner once every few months because my parents are out of the country most of the year. I'm totally unreasonable for asking you to do this, right?
I laid it out to him, not unlike how you did, and he immediately shut up and apologized. I almost took out a calendar and showed him all the days we do his parents, and all the days we do mine.
Let him cook the turkey himself if he wants his brother over so bad. A decision like this should always be done TOGETHER, he does not get to dictate your schedule. Pregnant or not, this has nothing to do with hormones and all to do with respect and principles.