Hello everyone

I have been a step mum for 6 years now, and my one and only bio child is now a year old. My husband and I have been married for nearly 5 years and life was going beautifully. 

Then my husband had an accident, he is now coming up to his third year of being at home, this was supposed to be temporary but it doesn't feel like it.

We have had an entire role reversal, he was the main bread winner and I worked part time enabling me to look after the home and be the consistent reserve party for his son. (He worked shifts) The idea was for that to continue so I would be the one at home more with our child too. 

Life had other plans.

Now I am the bread winner, working full time in a sector that pays less than my last as I took a pay cut when I swapped jobs before my husband got ill. I have super flexibility with this job so whilst it isnt as high paying I need it to be able to manage when our son is sick. 

My husband has gone through 3 years of medical testing, they have found a number of issues but no one has any answers as to whether or not this is permanent. We had just been at the point of buying a house before he was ill, fortunately he became ill before we signed so we were able to back out. That savings pot is now gone. 

Our relationship is under so much stress. He does his best maybe 80% of the time, the other 20% hes either too lazy or feeling too sorry for himself and then I get frustrated. 

Arguments have sky rocketed. We have no been accepted by a therapist who is affordable but I keep finding myself wondering how long I'm supposed to wait for him to actually do something to help make the best of the situation we are in or is this is? 

We went through a dark stage a few months back where we both debated divorce, but we do love each other, we do want things to work for our family. But it often feels like the universe has other plans. 

My husband is not good at talking about tough subjects, anything negative sends him into a defensive spiral and his default is to either completely ignore me or disconnect and do zero of the day to day things he is supposed to do. Which just frustrates me more as ultimately I dont have the choice of just fully disengaging as if I do we loose our house, we loose everything. 

On the other hand I am someone who likes to be organised, I like to have a plan, which currently seem huge triggers to my husband. 

We are now at a point that we only really see one another at the weekend. And we may have one day and the other is a huge argument. 

I dont know if hes depressed, I am unable to understand where he is coming from because he point blank refuses to talk about it. Which just ends up with us both rubbing each other the wrong way. 

Am I a terrible spouse for getting to the point of wondering if I'm better off calling it quits? Going and renting some small house or flat for me and my son and not having the awful atmosphere and constant rollercoaster fights? 

Is there anyone else here who has ended up forced into changing roles in their marriage and it's worked out ok? I dont want my son to grow up thinking this is normal and ok because our relationship right now is not healthy.