sorry for your loss.

and i can understand dw's feelings, but this isn't her call. she needs to suck it up and deal with it.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Recently my FIL passed away and I learned that BM was planning on attending the services. Let me tell you, I CANNOT stand that woman and I hated the idea of her showing up like she was still the wife. But it wasn't for me or DH, it was for my father-in-law so I sucked it up. She ended up not even showing up (long story involving getting my SD16 drunk at a bar) but honestly, even if she had I wouldn't even have noticed with everything else going on.

I think this is something your DW is just going to have to deal with.

I agree with the others. I can sympathize with your wife's discomfort, but your sister lost a child and doesn't need your wife's and / or ex-wfe's issues making this any harder.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I would expect my ex to be there if something happened to any one of my nieces or nephews. He was their uncle for 10 years. And they continue to call him "UNCLE" when they do see him. Who am I to take that away from them? He loves them, and they love him.

That's a difficult one.

When a family member passed, some of the ex's did come to the funeral to pay respects. No one made a scene.

I think in times like this, everyone needs to recognize that all the people who knew and loved the person are in grief, and need to be able to express their love and respect for the deceased. Just because the relationship with you deteriorated does not mean the ex would have no grief over this death.

I am so sorry for your loss.

It isn't about your wife. This is about your niece and those who wish to pay respects.

In families with divorce, it can be difficult to keep absolutely everything separate. Your wife will (hopefully!) realize this isn't about her and let the anger go.

So sorry for your loss. I agree this is about your sister and her family. I think you can be there for your sister and try to make your wife comfortable with the situation (EX being there). Stay by your families or wife's side. Do not initiate or get into any conversation with the EX. If the EX is truly there for the family she will behave properly.

What a sad situation. I agree that if your ex knew her well and feels that she wants to pay her respects then so be it. I can understand that it will be hard for your DW, I couldnt imagine anything worse than being in any situation with BM, least of all a wake where emotions are already running high throughout the people attending irrespective of the personal issues within your unit.

I would think that both women, given the situation can be adult about this, stay out of each others way or if they cannot, just be polite. It is the least both can do.

There is no need for anything else to be there other than respect for the family and sorrow for your tragic loss.

DW needs to accept that and remember that your neice has passed and your EX was a part of her life for a time. It was inappropriate for DW to even mention her feelings for your EX being there.