Have you ever been told by your DH family that you are too sensitive?
Over the 13 yrs I have been with my husband, there have been many incidents where I have to be around his psycho bi-polar EX wife and each time, she goes out of her way to cause problems. I try to ignore them but it's no use. Everyone agrees the EX behavior is inappropriate, crazy and plain wrong, but no one will EVER call her on it for fear of creating a "scene". Case in point: 11 yrs ago my husband's grandmother passed away. He wanted me to attend the funeral with him. Of course I did even though I had only met his grandmother 2 times. The EX arrived with the step kids. She proceeds to sit on the other side of my husband, in the family section. Lo' and behold she stands up and asks to be part of the eulogy. Totally unplanned, the minister did not know what to do, but once again, to avoid creating a scene, the EX gets up in front of the mourners, takes the SS age 6, unfolds a prepared speech and proceeds to talk about when she met my husband, how his grandmother was overjoyed when they married, blah blah blah...if that wasn't bad enough, she comes to the reception afterwards at my MIL home. I am talking to other family members, when my husband says "do you mind if I go talk to John for a while, I haven't seen him in a long time" I said "oh no" he leaves me and sits next to John the seat beside my husband is empty and the EX zooms into it and immediate inserts herself in the conversation. It pissed me off to no end. I decided to leave ( I had driven my own car). My husband did not notice I was gone until I got completely home (a 25 min ride). He finally calls me on my cell. A fight ensues. Later his mom calls and tells me "you shouldn't be so sensitive".
Fast forward to our wedding day, about 3 yrs later. Psycho gets wind of the wedding. Calls our home numerous times. Says the kids are "forbidden to attend the wedding". I get mad and a fight between my DH and me ensues again. Again, I am told "you are too sensitive".
2 yrs ago, SS is graduating from High school. BM is throwing him a pre-graduation party--with all her family and my MIL. We do not want to attend because every event is an opportunity for her to create problems. SS puts together a video of photographs and music. Guess what...even tho' we've been a family for 7 yrs, there is NOT a single photograph of me or my children. Okay, I let that slide. However, we did not want to attend this "event" but my MIL shamed me into going saying, once again "you need to be less sensitive".
Last Christmas, stepkids get their dad a gift totally ignore me. This year, a collage of photographs are put together to present to my MIL as a gift. No picture of me but prominently displayed in the middle of the photo collage is a picture of my husband and his EX. What am I told again "you need to be less sensitive".
I've decided they are right. I will henceforth be less sensitive, but I truly hope they know what that means. For clarification, here is how I intend to be less sensitive:
-Next time my step daughter is at a friends house, with our full consent (it was during our visitation week), and her mom gets a wild hair up her ass that her daughter needs to "spend time with me", and S/daughter refuses, when the psycho bitch calls the cops on her and reports her as a runaway, I will NOT be sensitive when s/d calls from the police station hysterical. I will not get involved. I will take a message and when your dad comes home, I will let him know, but other than that--no involved.
-Next time psycho mom throws my s/d out of the house at 11:30pm with only a nightgown on and no shoes because s/d would not start cleaning her room at that hour choosing to sleep so she'd be rested for her high school finals--I will no longer care. I will not support my husband and insist that his daughter come live with us because her bi-polar nutjob of a mom is again having a melt down. Don't want to be too sensitive.
-Next time mom decides on a the spur of the moment to marry her latest bar fly b/f (whom by the way the last one was not legally divorced when she married him) and it causes a major melt down with both the ss and sd--I will refuse to care. To care is to admit sensitivity and nope...don't want to do that.
-Next time my SD is at her mom's home and calls hysterically from the bathroom she's been locked into for 3 hrs for fear of being "beaten to shit" by her mom's, once again psycho melt down--I will not instruct my hubby to call the police. What's the use, I will only be labeled as interfering and being too sensitive.
Know what? You all deserve each other. As for me, I no longer give a SHIT.
- thegoodwife's blog
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Comments
I like your response to your
I like your response to your future MIL and FIL. I will have to remember that one. I have never been a door mat to anyone, so it's lame of me to allow it in this situation. Not going to happen.
I'm sorry that you're going
I'm sorry that you're going through this. You are NOT too sensitive. If anything you haven't been 'sensitive' enough. You poor thing! I totally agree with you and hope you stick to your guns.
Thank you Effigy. It's
Thank you Effigy. It's really amazing how "normal" people get what I say and fully understand when they are being disrespected. I know I am not crazy and it is perfectly understandable how I would not appreciate rudeness from anyone, let alone someone's child. Common manners, please and thank you should be enforced regardless of whom it is step parent or not.
Hey ilovearizona (I do too
Hey ilovearizona (I do too btw), you summed it up exactly. I do have class. I've always thought it better to take the 'high road" and not resort to the same pettiness. But no more. Not a door mat. I wish at times I would have stayed engaged and kept my money ( I've had to pick up the slack a lot of times because DH according to the divorce decree had to fork over 1/2 of his income in child support). 5 months left and the last of his kids will be 18 however, I believe this meddling EX will be forever in our lives. There have been the graduations, then will be the weddings....every situation involving family, I know that I will be excluded. This is why in the olden days of divorce, men stop seeing their kids. There was no blending. Men simply disappeared. Their EX made it too difficult.
Great points.... It is funny
Great points.... It is funny how when SKs and Exs are disrespectful the new wife is being too sensitive. However they fully expect us to cooperate and help out in other areas.
Stand up for yourself. MIL should not be all up in your business in the first place. I am sure when you married DH she did not get a say in the vows at all......... so she needs to stay out of it.
Good for you!
I hear you honey, amen-!!!!
I hear you honey, amen-!!!! I had to take a similar stand against my in-laws re. my BIL, the criminal!!
You know what is right, don't let them make you doubt yourself!!! hang in there honey
If my crazy BM said the kids
If my crazy BM said the kids are not allowed at the wedding I would jump for joy and say thank god - this is one less thing I have to worry about...I will not have to worry about them sticking their dirty fingers they just licked allover and in the cake when no one is watching...or running around slamming chairs...or hanging on my husbands leg during what is supposed to be our first dance as a couple. (This is my nightmare)
Please stick to your plan. You need this. For all of us - I am sick of our BM invading our privacy and acting like she is still part of the family as well. SICK OF IT.
I never was told that I was
I never was told that I was too sensitive by inlaws - they generally supported me against pscho BM and her spawn. I was actually told by inlaws that I was the only good example skids had - lot of good that did though considering how they turned out.
BM, on the other hand, was constanly telling skids and H that I needed to realize that H had two children! WTH did she expect me to do - I already entertained, planned fun activities, feed, cleaned up after, and watched her spawn EOWE! Not exactly sure what more she expected me to do????? :? That was always her comment though. I assume based upon her actions that she expected me to do everything that she demanded and we did not always do so. I never had words with her myself - I always let H deal with her because she was so unstable and unpleasant. Despite my never interacting with her, she would still make this comment when she did not get her way.
No, my DH hasn't told me I am
No, my DH hasn't told me I am being too sensitive, BUT he does look at me like I am crazy about certain things. Ex. I want to keep all receipts for anything we buy SS7, I want to take photos of everything we buy SS7 (to correlate with the receipts, so there can be no doubt as to what the receipt was for), and I also insist on printing out all communications I have had with BM, and also encourage DH to save text messages from her. He looks at me like I am crazy and pretty much makes me feel like I am being ridiculous. I'm just trying to protect HIS ass because DH is too trusting in BM.
Anyway, you aren't being too sensitive AT ALL. How can you be told that you are being too sensitive when you are blantantly being disrespected?!? These people have some freakin' nerve. So, I guess you should just sit back and be treated like shit, but be at their beckon call whenever THEY deem it? HELL NO! I swear sometimes these people come from a different planet.
I am the same way. I will NOT be used as a doormat...period. Whether it be by a kid, my own family, IL's, or DH. If that ever becomes their expectation for me....this train will stop and I will promptly leave. These people expect you to have no self-respect and stand up for yourself. It really is mind boggling.
Oh and KUDOS to you for standing up for yourself, because you definitely don't deserve that kind of treatment.