When Skids come over are you the bank?
Just a question....when your step kids come over...Do they think that you and your spouse/significant other are the bank? And expect things- like to have take out every night? "Dad do you $50?"..."Can you get me a french vanilla"...Mind you these are the kids that never get him anything for his birthday, fathers day, Christmas…I am going to give SD 15 some leeway because she tried to off herself 2 weeks ago…SS is a little more demanding…Plus I look like the bitch when SO asks in front of his daughter, (his daughter wanted a French vanilla this morning) and SO looks at me and says, “Broken do we have enough money to get SD15 a French Vanilla?” He puts me on the spot A LOT in front of them…I look like the bad guy if I say no, so I say yes..Ill say yes to a French vanilla, but not a hell of a lot more.
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Reason I ask this-- SO called
Reason I ask this-- SO called me this afternoon and said, "SS wants to know what were doing for dinner."----when kids get greedy and expectant of things, thats when the disengagement begins....What I really wanted to say is, "You figure it out, he's not my kid." But I dont!
We use a safe word to prevent
We use a safe word to prevent that. If one us feels put on the spot and dammed no matter what we say, then the person says "spotlight". It means what it what it says, confronts the person when the line is being crossed, allows the person to stop and think, keeps you out of the line of fire, and makes the other person figure out what they need to do or say and that your not on the same page with him. It has been of great help for us and raises awareness for the one being ignorant.
I really like this idea! I'll
I really like this idea! I'll have to tuck it away for later.
Yeah, about that... Same
Yeah, about that... Same here. I finally give DH some spending money "for the weekend" and he can share his beer money with his kids if he thinks the stuff that they absolutely "need" is so valuable.
We always let SD think we had
We always let SD think we had no money. Actually, DH had no money back then and he had no problem telling her no. She was more of a "hint" girl, though. "I've never had that before, I wonder what it tastes like?"
Guess you'll never know.
I hate the hint hint type
I hate the hint hint type people, my SD does that too! I explain it in comparison terms which makes her pissy but leave it to a helpless victim to play that card.. :sick: Always follow with a "I'd buy you one but I don't have the money right now" as I tuck the cash elsewhere out of sight..lol
Oh, if she only knew she
Oh, if she only knew she might have better luck just asking DH instead of hinting around, which she still does. "I don't know how I'm going to pay for this or that. Sigh."
DH says, "I don't know, SD, maybe your mom can help you out."
"I don't know where I'm going to live, I can't stand my mom anymore. Sigh."
DH says, "I don't know, maybe you can move in with your Grandma."
they used to try this same
they used to try this same thing. i'd always just say no. that allowed the skids to realize that i'm the one in charge of the finances. also made them realize that if they ask for extras, they're going to have to work for it. it has cut way down on all the asking.
SS10 is well aware of the
SS10 is well aware of the fact that we have more money than BM. He asks for stuff all the time. Sometimes I'm in the mood to buy him a little treat because I have the money, he's well behaved and I WANT to. And sometimes it's just not that way. So then I just say "No". If I ever feel like I am coming out of pocket much more than I should, I tell DH what all I spent money on & he offers to give me the money back. DH works in sales & we get SS10 on the weekends so DH isn't around SS10 as much as I am so sometimes I have to be the bank.
before we get into the
before we get into the holidays full force I am going to ask this question because it comes up constantly and I dont get it.
"Mind you these are the kids that never get him anything for his birthday, fathers day, Christmas"
Think about this: when I was married to my ex husband and we had children, he got a Christmas gift, Birthday Gift and Fathers Day gift. I got a Christmas gift, Birthday Gift and Mothers Day gift.
Do you know how that happened? I took OUR children to get gifts for their Daddy and visa versa.
Why does everyone expect children to get gifts for their Dad?
I started getting my own gifts for my parents after I was 18 prior to that my parents helped me financial buy for each one as well as discussed what we were doing for said parent at the time.
Divorced couples rarely say hey lets go get Daddy a birthday gift. It isnt how divorce works
I never expected my SD to buy
I never expected my SD to buy any gifts for my husband but when she was old enough to know when his birthday was, a freakin' phone call to her dad would have been nice. A handmade card for Father's Day wouldn't have killed her.
Now that she's an adult, I still don't expect her to buy gifts (and she doesn't) but a 99 cent card would be a gesture, at least.
Every Christmas, we would let her know when we were coming over to give her and her kids (and her ex-husband, when they were together) their gifts and she would not even give us a card. I just find it so rude to accept a couple of hundred dollars in gifts and not give so much as a card. And she doesn't feel weird about it at all. It's just her right as a daughter, I guess.
But none of that had nothing to do with why we didn't spend a lot of money on her when she visited. Quite frankly, after CS, my husband just didn't have it to spend.