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Oh yea! Sd is pregnant and moving in with us

Taris's picture

Submitted by Taris on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 1:15pm

So yeah, isn't that wonderful to find out right before a romantic Valentines weekend? I am just so gosh darn excited I could slit my wrist with joy. Dh casually mentioned to me last night that sd was pregnant and coming home. Once I got past the knocked up part I squeaked out "home"? Dh is really excited because he is stupid.

Comments

smudgey91's picture

Submitted by smudgey91 on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 1:27pm

Child support is a hardship enough often. Now that you are through with that...I would certainly draw the line at raising a 19yo and a grandchild. Harsh but I wouldn't be able to put up with that.

Taris's picture

Submitted by Taris on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 1:32pm

There is a baby daddy I'm sure. I didn't ask last night because I was trying to keep the puke down while dh kept referring to himself as grandpa.

Undecided about marraige's picture

Submitted by Undecided about... on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 1:41pm

Yes she is enrolled in school in Germany but their schools have way more vacation days than the ones here. So every visit is "vacation" and so begins the SD discussion of what she wants to do...horseback riding in the mountains, rafting, etc.

Taris's picture

Submitted by Taris on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 1:49pm

?????

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 4:05pm

Ahem. SAHM here. I got pregnant with the full, informed, and *very* enthusiastic consent and cooperation of my DH, and our family's lifestyle is what it is because we, two adults, sharing the head-of-household role, have so decreed it.

If I am misguided or misinformed, then so is my brilliant, multi-degreed, happy at home and at work, handsome, and super-fun DH.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Sat, 02/11/2017 - 5:39pm

Sorry, charlie.marie, your rules about the world don't apply to my family life. I am an adult, my husband is an adult, we are a team and our choices are ours to make, using whatever values and addressing any needs or wants we feel are pertinent.

I've struggled with low self-esteem for a long time, so it's been a journey to come to a point where I wouldn't settle for less than a fantastic relationship where a paycheque is just financial planning, not a badge of self-worth. I hope you come to that point too.

Taris's picture

Submitted by Taris on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 1:31pm

Sd and I are okay. She isn't as bad as she used to be now that she is older but I don't want to live with her and I certainly don't want a baby in our home.

Taris's picture

Submitted by Taris on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 2:44pm

I'm guessing because she is pregnant and dropping out of school. She is coming "home" as dh puts it.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 2:33pm

Pardon me? Are you married to this man or not? In this thread 2 people have responded as if they are the OP but one of the usernames I believe is associated with the other thread where she is trying to decide to marry or not:

* * *

Undecided about marraige's picture
Yes she is enrolled in school
new
Submitted by Undecided about... on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 12:41pm.

Yes she is enrolled in school in Germany but their schools have way more vacation days than the ones here. So every visit is "vacation" and so begins the SD discussion of what she wants to do...horseback riding in the mountains, rafting, etc.

* * *

Seems to be the same German living SD in both threads? But otherwise some different circumstances?

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 2:43pm

I think 'undecided about marriage' replied on the wrong thread, thinking it was hers.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 3:02pm

Thanks. I was befuddled. Now I'm just sorry you are in this situation. I told my dh years ago no unwed mothers will live in my home. So hopefully I'm covered. The reason I was pro-active like that was I saw how she was being raised without accountability or expectations. I thought a teen pg was not an unlikely outcome of that. So far so good - whew!

I feel for you.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 2:38pm

There are still "homes for unwed mothers" although they no longer go by that name. They provide housing, medical care, and most importantly counseling with respect to parenting and future BC. And one does not have to commit to giving the child up for adoption.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 2:49pm

What notasm3 said. I would prepare a nice little binder just full of resources for the mother to be.

She will probably learn more at one of those places than living with Daddy because the goal would be to get her on her own 2 feet. They will not let her sit back and do nothing, nor will they hold her hair while she pukes.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 4:32pm

lol now you have YOUR wires crossed!!!

that's the other poster who is debating marriage.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 3:57pm

Wow - poor little embryo, this little one has no choices, and the new mother-to-be - wowzer, all her opportunities sliding down the drain all at once. I say that, only because if she is dropping out NOW, she might not have the fortitude to obtain continuing education as a single mother, although there are scads that do, there are also examples that do not.

Sorry this is happening, I couldn't imagine how you must be feeling by now.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 7:47pm

"Dh won't allow that."

Does he get to make ALL the rules? Why about YOU not allowing this careless babymama to mooch off of you. She's going to expect you to wait on her and the baby plus pay for everything - for along time.

UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ntm's picture

Submitted by ntm on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 8:45pm

She's over 18, she made her own bed, she needs to lie in it. She can work and she has other options. I didn't realize that being a stepparent meant you have to take in adult children, knocked up or not. Thank dog I bought this house in my own name.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 9:03pm

That argument may not work for the OP. The house has long been her DH's home. She also has an 18yr old son who may be still living in the house.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 8:53pm

Taris I feel for you and can tell you that if it was my own daughter in this situation I would not encourage her to drop out of school because of morning sickness and come home. I would be supportive of her yes but not support her while she laid around my house puking. The girl can work, go to school, and live on saltines and seltzer like so many of us did while we were prego and going through months of morning sickness.

"Got knocked up, gotta go home so daddy can take care of me." The entitlement of this generation is just mind boggling.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 9:45pm

+1 for an exit plan. i am sure you are being considered right now as a free baby sitter.

once the reality of real mother hits, the little pregnant princess is not going to be happy. you cant return a child like you can merchandise you dont like.

happy's picture

Submitted by happy on Sat, 02/11/2017 - 12:24am

If she is old enough to make a grown up decision why can't she be on her own? It would be different maybe if there weren't issues, but doesn't sound like the case. That's a lot to put on you cause lets face it she will be tired and need rest cause babies / kids are a big responsibility and your husband will expect you to help as much as possible... I wish I had a easy answer

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Sat, 02/11/2017 - 7:44am

Yes, I have read here other's saying the SD this or that, but I've heard nothing from the OP yet as to SD's financial situation.

With her mother passing just less than a year ago, the daughter may have acquired some financial means from the estate, life insurance and/or whatnot. Just because the daughter may be coming 'home' does not automatically mean the young lady is doing so for anything more than emotional support. BM may have left this girl sitting pretty with a college fund and a nice bank account.

I think the OP will have to give additional information before I jump to the conclusion the SD is ruined for life, will dump a baby on OP to babysit/raise and/or whatever all else is being predicted so far.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 3:39am

:jawdrop: DH simply told you she's moving back.... my reply would've been

Congrats GRandad and hell no she's not moving in with us, she thinks she's an adult and got pregnant, she can't be a child now, she needs her own place, I will not be responsible for your daughter and her baby...

then I will start getting my things in order to move out or through them out