Last night
This weekend is a skid weekend oh joy! BM had OSS text DH about a week or so ago asking if she could drop off the skids at our house DH told SS no that they could meet somewhere and SS demanded to know why BM couldn't drop them off at our house and then he said I was the cause of it. So BM put the skid in the middle. DH sent BM a text and told her to please let him know where she wanted to meet so he could pick up the skids. BM didn't respond to DH.
In the past DH has been ignoring BM phone calls however he does answer emails and texts if they aren't harassing. Well last night he sends BM another text asking her if they are still meeting somewhere and where did they want to meet since she is taking the skids to the waterpark. Not even 5 minutes later OSS texts DH and says that they can meet at the Walgreens down the street from our house about 7:00 pm. DH was ok with the time but again she is making SS the messenger. DH just told me that he isn't going to feed into BM's games and told OSS ok I will be there at 7:00 pm. I think she just wants attention or she just wants to make my DH look bad to the skids but that is nothing new.
I get that DH has been passive aggressive to BM in the past so that is probably why she is pulling this crap however, certain boundaries need to be set in place in order for us to get some peace in our lives. There has been several instances where BM has crossed the line so that is why DH ignores BM. Sometimes she calls or texts him incessantly about non-emergency things about the skids. Then the threats come if DH doesn't cater to BM's every whim.
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Comments
DH just needs to take this by
DH just needs to take this by the horns in the future.
"BM, drop off at my house won't work. We will meet at the Walgreebs at 7PM unless you have another place in mind. If I don't hear from you directly, I'll assume my plan is fine."
That takes away all of BM's BS power. If OSS texts DH with something different:
"Thank you, OSS, but this does not concern you. Unless I hear directly from your mother, I will pick you up where I told her I would."
So do you think he should
So do you think he should send her another text and tell her this?
No because it has already
No because it has already been decided. It'll only anger her more.
I'm thinking I'd let this one
I'm thinking I'd let this one go. No, it probably shouldn't be OSS replying, that is something a parent should handle. However, Dad get what he requested. A time and place other than your home.
Sure BM ignored him. But she did make sure Dad got an answer and got it in time before today and actual exchange.
At the OSS's age, the young teen (if he wasn't such an immature helpless kid) should be able to send a simple yes or no to a direct question that requires nothing more than the simple yes or no.
Had the reply been a 'no, Mom wants to instead do blah blah blah', then no. In changes or negotiations it needs to be the parents. Altering routine and order procedures is one thing and needs to be the parents. But playing dodging the other parent and only needing a yes or no? I could live with humoring BM. ad got his answer.
And at least by OSS answering Dad didn't get three pages of text of BM's opinion of having to do Walgreen's at 7pm instead of BM just dropping them at the house.
Bright side in this.
Yeah I guess it's better to
Yeah I guess it's better to ignore.
I am probably going against the grain...but as the kids do get older sometimes some of the logistical stuff can go through them and actually can help with communication if the adults aren't able to collectively act as adults..lol.
When the girls got to be preteen/teen.. he would often contact them to see whether if they were doing visitation for the weekend and where/when he could pick them up. (due to both his schedules and the girls activities.. visitation wasn't set in the CO so it was a bit more fluid) This avoided communications where the BM would invariably ask for more money or some dig of some sort.
Now, communications about OTHER stuff like child support or some other issue.. no kids shouldn't be the go between but if it is just logistics type stuff... older kids can be part of that.
I would not answer SS in the
I would not answer SS in the future either. Just say, that's between your mom and I and nothing for you to worry about. If SS keeps sending messages about pick up just keep repeating and text BM as if you haven't heard from SS. This is the only way to "train" her into not using SS as a messenger.