I have been with my partner for just shy of 4 years now. My daughter is grown and on her own living in another state, so not a part of our normal family dynamic so to speak. My partner has 3 kids, SS8, SS13 and SD15. The problem has been with SD15. For awhile, I assumed her acting out was typical teenage stuff - I've been through that already, I expected it again. However, the last 2+ years, behavior has been beyond emotionally destructive for not just me, but my partner as well. It's like being held hostage in our own home. My partner does have health issues, as do I, but we work full-time, one of us is almost always home, provide for all needs, most reasonable wants and no one ever goes without. Whatever we do, it's wrong, not enough, not good enough or unwanted and somehow destroyed.

We're not unreasonable with demands or expectations. We expect her to go to school and do her best. Load the dishwasher when it needs to be done - typically once each day. Take care of her pets. Treat people in a decent manner. Internet/TV etc.. off typically around 9pm on school nights. No food or glassware in her bedroom. <---- that only came about after about the 8th broken glass in her room in a period of a year - last being broken when she stepped on one barefoot.

The problem is, my partner is not a disciplinarian at all. She abhors confrontation. She would rather just let everything go and do whatever anyone wants just to keep the peace. As an SM, I never expected to need to fill the role of disciplinarian or wanted to, but eventually I had to. We have discussed the need for rules to be followed - both alone, with SD15 and the family as whole. SD15 refuses to comply beyond that day or until she wants something. We have tried making sure she spends 1-on-1 time with both of us and that we have family activities. None of it helps. We've tried therapy, but SD15 would sit with the therapist and say nothing. Not a word. We tried different therapists. We tried counselors. Same result each time month after month.

On a couple of occasions now, I've been at the point of not being sure I can keep living like this. Finally tonight while letting each kid know it was time get ready for bed and collecting their wifi sticks (as is the norm on school nights) it all went to hell. She went into our room while I was with the boys and lit into my partner over being forced to go to bed. Demanding to know what she did to deserve that. Refusing to lower her voice or stop the onslaught. I told her that I did not appreciate my partner being yelled at. I was tired of tantrums every time she didn't get her way and that I thought she needed to go to her room and call it night. She left the room, but then just continued from the hallway. I approached her, pointed to her door and said "Room now!"

I then stood in the doorway of her room and pointed out that throwing dishes and silverware in the garbage can in her room was not acceptable, especially since she was not to be eating in there, and that having uneaten food and candy all over the floor and dressers was unacceptable and I expected it to be cleaned up. She went through the I hate you mantra and said I want to go live somewhere else which she says so often I couldn't even estimate how much she;s stated that. I did make a mistake of saying if it is that bad, find a friend whose family wants you or go live with your father <----- that being wrong as BF is really bad news. She shoved me, tried slamming the door on me and said "Don't you dare threaten me! I'll say you abuse me". Not the first time that threat has been made, but given past actions of telling teachers she was always tired at school not because she snuck out or took a wifi stick off of a computer in our home office so she could stay up and talk to friends all night, she give reasons such as we don't feed her, she doesn't have a bed, we keep her up late doing chores etc... which led to authorities being involved - it is a worry. The issue with lying and the threats is beyond what I can handle.

I am insanely in love with my partner. The fondness I had for SS8 and SS13 has over time grown to genuine love. I cannot imagine us not being a family - except I also cannot imagine being under the same roof with SS15 for another 2 - 6 years depending on life after high school and ever feeling not just comfortable, but safe. My partner has never made a meaningful effort to crack down on her behavior although each time this happens she says she will. There is nothing I can do I haven't tried that I can think of. I hate to be at this point, but I'm looking at places to move - by myself - and giving up up on not just my relationship with my partner, but being a family. It doesn't get better. The only change is consistently worse and more hostile. I'm at a loss.