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tammie06's picture

Submitted by tammie06 on Thu, 09/20/2012 - 8:37pm

Ok.. been with DH for around 6 years.. lived with him for 4 of them...Everything is great...not really.. I have 2 kids- one away at college and one about to graduate in Dec(he lives with us every other two weeks). We moved to a location where his daughter, who is 16, could go to a great school with my kids. We have not had a weekend alone since!! My DD lived with us for 3 years and I made sure she went with her father every other weekend so we could have "Our" time. I have expressed it in many different ways that she needs to go with her mom, but no, it would be to inconvient cause she is having fun with friends. That is only one of my complaints.
He has a 20 year old, almost 21, that comes over maybe 3 times a week.. which is great! But everytime she is here, he focuses only on her. It's like I am the 3rd wheel, in a bizarre relationship. Even his 16 yr old, gets little attention while she is here. I have expressed this to him but he says I am "jealous" of his 20 yr old.. seriously? How and why would I be? I told him it't the way he acts when she is here..I am not talking about 2 hours to visit either.. I am talking 5-6 hours- he can only devote his attention to her. he never sees my side, not even an option! I am lost and not sure what or where I should go or do next.. advice please...thanks!

Comments

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 9:36am

I love your comment and I agree with you wholeheartedly on all of the above!!! My BF is not like most of the DH/SO on this site that I read about. He actually puts me/us/our relationship FIRST above skid! I know he has to do the whole "daddy thing" I honestly hate it but I know that he has to do it. :sick:

He knows how I feel about his kid and he respects and accepts it. Sooo...I refuse to be around when he has skid EOWE!!! I do my own thing and/or do things with my S8...my BF LOVES spending time with just him and I or my son and us two. But obviously when he has skid he cant so he misses us and he doesnt enjoy his kid time as much because he is missing us and wondering what we are doing etc.

I know this may sound evil but oh well this is how I feel...I love that he feels that way and misses us and wishes that he was with me/us!!! I cant stand his rotten, bratty, whiney bm-clone lard ass son!!! Oh fucking well!!!

kelaine's picture

Submitted by kelaine on Thu, 09/20/2012 - 10:47pm

Sure you're not the tiniest bit jealous of how Dh coddles and drools over your SD?? I would be.

Clearly, you have different priorities. Yours is your marriage/family-you moved to make Dh's daughter happy, you sent your daughter away to have alone time with your spouse, etc. And what is Dh doing for you? Nothing. He spends time with the "other woman"-his daughter. He ignores you completely when she's around. His priority is her, not you or your marriage. That's completely dysfunctional that she has him wrapped around her little finger. But, you can't do much to change them. You can only change your behavior, your attitude. Maybe you should sit him down, tell him that you've finally accepted the fact that your marriage is not his first priority and since he feels that attitude is acceptable, you're going to adopt the same attitude. You're going to start prioritizing your happiness first, your children first just like him and you will not be trying so hard to make your marriage work. You are going to be exactly like him. You are not going to kill yourself in trying to make alone time with him; you are not going to stress yourself and be jealous over his daughter. If he wants to spend that much time with his daughter, maybe he should consider moving in with her. And then disengage; start living and enjoying life again. See if he likes the taste of his own medicine.

lawyergirl06's picture

Submitted by lawyergirl06 on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 9:02am

I wonder if SD16 would agree she feels the same way? If so, maybe she should talk to DH instead of you and let him know that he does in fact act this way. On the flipside, could it be that you are already upset about not getting alone time with him, having changed your life and so forth and you are projecting it on SD20 because he takes time to "coddle her" whereas you and he don't have that time anymore? Not judging just making an observation....