Your H is a piece of work for enabling this behavior and the fact that SD sees this, will only allow her to continue to do it. The next time she has pads, tampons and whatever other garbage under her bed and in her room I'd put it all in her book bag, yeah I can be petty. If you don't want to go that route have your H clean up the mess and I'd be in his @ss every day about it. You have to remain strong in this because living like a slob with a baby on the way is not an option. She's 16 and old enough to clean up after herself. 

Your H is to blame and I don't see how he's ok with this.

My wife's childrend are notorious for intentionally leaving fast food bags on the counter, socks, dirty clothes food,  empty boxes and cartons in cabinets and refrigerator.   I used to pick it up however, I was fed up and now I leave it and when my wife comes home she has to clean up after them and after a few times she  finally got them to pick up but now she's back to being their housekeeper.  I recommend if you can stand it leave it the way you found it. 

That was nothing.

I regularly dump clean, unfolded clothes out of laundry baskets onto my own kid's bed and that of my step kids if I need the baskets. DH finally helped put "our" foot down on food in their rooms when YSS had ants crawling all over in his nightstand.

Unfortunately all three boys are allowed to be more slovenly at the other parent's house. Here I have compromised that their room is theirs to let lapse into chaos (but not nasty stuff like old food and hygiene things) but every other place in the house has to stay clean and tidy.

Spawn used to do this, instead she would fling her used tampons and pads under BD's bed since they shared a room. I told DH in front of her to help clean up her nasty used pads and DH went ballistic on SD. After that she would just put them in her drawers, fine by me when she moved out I packed up everything she had left behind!

Everything included:
gobs of hair from her hair brush she was stashing in her drawers.
Used pads and tampons.
A pair of pooped stained underwear.
Molded food still in the containers.
And a stash of pills from meth mouth...that I emptied out and just left the container.

We had to throw away her mattress as it was all blood and piss stained, and we gave her dresser to the salvation army after I sanitized it.

Before I joined ST, I had no idea how common it was for some female skids to be so filthy and disgusting with their feminine hygeine. It's a fairly regular complaint though, so I guess it can be chalked up to the lack of parenting children of divorce often receive. I also believe it's an atavistic behavior as a means of marking territory.

When my DH's youngest daughter ran off at 19, she left many belongings behind in her trashed room. After giving it a few months, I started packing everything up, and it was the most disgusting Easter egg hunt ever. Used feminine products stashed everywhere! I boxed them up with the rest of her stuff, and hope she enjoyed unpacking that.

Anyway OP, you need to familiarize yourself with Karpman's Drama Triangle and apply its principles to your problem. It's all about who is the Victim, who is the Rescuer, and who is the Persecutor. When you complain to your H about his daughter, you assume the role of Persecutor. This makes him want to protect her and shut you down, making him the Rescuer and positioning her as the Victim. Find a way to position yourself (or even you and your H as a team) as the victim(s), with SD the Persecutor, and you'll get a better result. You try so hard to create a nice home for everyone, you want to get along with SD but you've asked and asked and she won't help, You're worried she won't know how to care for a family of her own...See how these statements paint you in a more empathetic light instead of as a wicked SM?

Just some food for thought. Of course, at the end of the day your H is to blame and should be the one to ensure his kid lives in a clean, hygienic manner, but you have to be strategic when the direct approach doesn't work.

if "somehow" those used tampons showed up in DuH's coat pockets?

Used to be Winona, but guess how she became "Feral"? She was living in her room like a wild animal, happy in her trashed up den.

LOL. She turned 18, and just completely ghosted us. No word on where she went, just stopped being in our house. There was no argument, she wasnt kicked out, just left all her trash behind. Well, from August until the next January, I waited and would open the door and look at the trash. Finally that January, DH said he was going to do a dump run. Out went the Electric Bed base and disgusting mattress. That day, the 2 dressers and vanity went outside on the sidewalk and were sold a few hours later. Meanwhile I had conscripted Munchkin SD then 11, to help me. We went through all the trash and clothes. It was so disgusting. Used pads, dirty underwear, an empty bottle of whiskey, used condoms, a pot pipe, empty water bottles, used up makup, and hair products. Clothes.

I did the cleanup ninja magic and made the room my own. With plants and fish and candles. It drove me half crazy living with her, however, and now she and her mother argue and fight over her filth and trash and cockroaches.LOL.

It only gets better if DH has her clean up. You must disengage. Also, take the door off? That sort of worked.

My stepchild is 9. she either doesn't wipe properly or leaks fecal matter. I think she actually might leak and her mother has taken her to the doctor but I still told her the expectation is that she rinse her underwear and pants very well in hot water before putting them in the laundry.   She usually doesn't.  she will rinse them if told but she doesn't do it on her own.  A lot of the time she doesn't wear underwear so it goes directly to her leggings. Leggings are really the only thing that fit her. I expect jeans are uncomfortable at her weight. I bought her jeggings for Christmas and she opened them and threw them across the room. She's a brat. She's 155 lb and 9 years old. Statistically she is likely to start puberty early.  she also has problems with bedwetting. We talked to her twice this weekend and the expectation is that she wear a depend. She agreed to it two nights in a row but in the morning the package was still not opened. Luckily she didn't have an accident. I think she's kind of passive aggressive and silently stubborn. It's frustrating because I will tell her dad to talk to her and she will agree but then she doesn't follow through and he doesn't follow through with a consequence.  She did leave a soaking wet towel wrapped up in her balled up blanket and sheets on the floor so her bedding still smelled nasty and I still had to wash it even though it wasn't pee soaked. It was getting mildew from the wet towel. I complained to my partner for the umpteenth time.  He kind of blew me off. I told him the expectation, as we discussed last week, was that he go around the house with her before she leave and make sure her laundry is picked up and her bed is made. He told me that he had done that Saturday night. That's fine, but she left Sunday evening and she still made plenty of a mess in that time. I obviously hurt his feelings because he had gone out and detailed my car for Mother's Day and explained that he wasn't there to go around the house and pick up her crap with her. I think he feels like I complain no matter what he does. We tell her to do it on her own she says she will and doesn't which is why I told my partner I expect him to walk around WITH her and do what WITH her.

Because of her obesity, she is very likely to experience an early onset of puberty. I'm beside myself thinking about what it's going to be like when she starts menstruating. I think this is going to be a deal-breaker for me to be honest. I'm actually meeting with a realtor tonight so I can see about downsizing and going off to be alone with my kids. This girl is so disgusting.

Why don't you take picture of her filthy pads, etc. and post it all over her social media ridiculing her in front of her peers?  I LOVE the idea of stuffing the used tampons/pads in your DH's belongings.  

There would be some SERIOUS consequences for anyone who treated my home like that.  It would be WAR.

Shame and humiliation are somethings the only things that work with true aholes.

i’m just trying to wrap my head at that disgusting vision!!

ok, Been there done that.  Here's what I did.

After nothing was accomplished by letting DH 'handle' it, ranting and raving, talking with SD directly, etc. I went into cold, hard, steps to get this stuff done/cleaned up.  After I reached my breaking point - pretty much where you are - I did the following.

1. I told DH that I would not intervene any longer unless it got so bad that I could smell it or if we ran out of untensils/cups/bowls/towels/etc. that the rest of the household also needs (I also removed our master bath towels to our closet so she couldn't get to them).

2.  And that if it did get to that point I would be going in and doing a 'clean sweep' - everything damaged, moldy, broken, left on floor, in drawers or under bed (i.e. not in it's place) I would bag and remove and she would be responsible for cleaning it up and putting it appropriately back.  DH agreed to these terms.

1 & 2 came to pass the room STANK from the hallway....Did a clean sweep of her room into trash bags with DH permission. then DH let her go into the FIVE trash bags in the garage and get her things back when she needed them.  She was not held to cleaning anything up and DH was annoyed with ME for doing that to her.  OK Fine.

3. I told DH never again.  That if her room was that filthy again either a) he'd be financially responsible for any pest removal needed and any basic household items she ruined and b) I would not ask permission or work with him on any clean up, I would just take care of it.  That it's the adults who maintain and pay for the house and her things and if she cannot do it, then too bad, no more things.

4.  This seemed to have worked.  DH was more on top of it, not great, but it never got to the big pit again - he would 'help' her clean it (i.e. he did most of the work) every so often to her protestations. 

Basically, I remained cool and collected when discussing it with DH.  Here is why I'm upset, here's what can happen, here's how it effects the household, here's how it can physically damage the house/furniture, etc.  And here is what I will do with our without you to maintain my household, I'm not asking for perfection, I'm asking for the basics of cleanliness (and lay those out for him). 

Anyway, when OSD finally left for good to BMs, he helped me do a final clean of the room and was disgusted by all the trash and how little she had in her room; she did take things to BMs over a period of time we figured out, but the clear lack of caring about her things was evident and made an impression on him.  I know OSD has brought up 'her room' as a point of contention because DH has asked me recently about '...what was it about the room again that was an issue...the smell?..." yes, among other things....

Remain cool as a cucumber, state the facts, state the ramifications and follow through.

The used pads are nasty, but who cares if her clothes are folded in her drawers? Personally, I just ignored my SS’s room as much as possible. 

There are a few posters on here whose spouses don’t seem to care at all about hygiene for their children, and I honestly couldn’t be with a man like that. It’s repulsive. Used pads & tampons all over the place??? Omg. I never did that as a teen, I can’t even imagine. 

I’m glad I don’t have an SD, but if I did & she did this I’d simply pick them up & put them on her bed. If that didn’t work, they’d go IN her bed. Under her pillows, under her sheets. Let her really live in her own filth.

If DH got mad, too bad. He created the mess by allowing his child to be so disgusting in the first place. Let him get mad. Blood is a f*^king bio-hazard, and you’re ok with it just hanging around her room like it’s nothing? Especially with a baby on the way?? Wtf is wrong with him?

I’d also have a lock on my bedroom door. But honestly, I think if it really was that bad I’d plan my escape & leave. I can’t live in filth like that, and no man is worth that amount of stress. He’s as bad as his kid if he allows that kind of mess in his house.

^^^^^^^^^YES all of this! I can't ever respect a man that would allow this, that thinks it's ok. I can't wrap my head around it and why is SD changing herself in her room? Imagine your baby learning to crawl and walk and goes to her room.....than what! Is your H messy and careless too? Was the ex this way too?