Treatment by stepchildren after death of husband
My husband died almost 4 years ago. We were married for 33 years; he was sick for 13. Before he died, John asked his son to look after his wife (me). His son was going to help me start a business, move me down closer to where they live, etc. He has dumped me. I didn't figure this out until a year after my John died. Is stuff like this normal when dealing with stepchildren? My mother always told me that John's son was a snake; she didn't much care for him.
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I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, there are some not so nice people in the world.
When my dad's father died, their stepmother presented them with a bill for all the money that had spent sending the 4 boys (her step kids) away to boarding school! Oh.. and she changed the locks on the apartment. lol.
Seriously, my law professor in college said that death brings out the worst in people. He has had to call police on relatives for fighting, or driving up with a U-haul at the wake!
I am curious as to whether things were put into the will. Was the son to help you financially using money he had inherited from your husband? This is why it's important to have things written down legally.
We live in a community
We live in a community property state, so I inherited our home (it was originally my mother's). No, I was not left well provided for. I am planning to sell my childhood home and move and change the will.
I am sorry for the loss of
I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I am also sorry you are not well provided for.
Did he leave money to your stepson and he was supposed to share it with you? I guess I need some details about how he's not helping you.
So sorry for the loss of your
So sorry for the loss of your husband.
I don't see why the son should be responsible for you though unless he was left money to specifically care for you.
Sadly, asking someone to 'do
Sadly, asking someone to 'do well' by another after our death is never to be trusted. Always have your will written exactly as you want it with money/assets going directly (or in a trust) to those that you wish to benefit. If you have to state in your will that assets will be sold and then the profits along with the rest of the estate are distributed it is much better than willing a house/buisiness etc to someone and asking them to be grateful and look after another relative.
This is why I tell my husband that I will not promosie to look after his kid (financially or otherwise) should he die. If he wants her to get something, he needs to arrange his will/insurance like that and be precise.
I am sorry that this has hit you so hard. It is time to use your life earnt resourcefulness and work things out now that you know you cannot rely on your stepson.
I would say no. It's not
I would say no. It's not always normal. My DH's father died 5 years ago and while his whole family lives far away, we make a point to see each other. Always planning with the stepmom. We actually stayed with her 2 summers ago and had her new boyfriend at our wedding. They are and will always be very much a part of our family.
HRNYC, actually, OP never
HRNYC, actually, OP never said anything about asking for money or expecting the SS to fund a business. Perhaps the agreement to help was merely one of time, energy and financial/business know how advice.
My condolences on the loss of
My condolences on the loss of your husband and on your current situation.
Relying on someone else for support after the demise of a spouse is iffy at best. Even when the person to be relied upon is your own child much less a SKid.
One thing that my parents always made clear is that their responsibility as parents were primarily two fold. First... to raise their children to be self sufficient viable adults and second... to not be a burden on us in their retirement years. Both sets of my GPs did the same for their children and were not a financial burden on my parents or their sibs in their own retirement years.
Though you indicate that you were not left well provided for financially upon the death of your DH you do have a home that you own free and clear and you do have access to the higher of either your own SSI benefits or your departed DH's SSI benefits. Though you have not proved details on value (and shouldn't IMHO) this certainly represents a notable asset level for you to live at least a comfortable retirement.
Assuming that there was no more to the request by your DH to his son other than "look out for" you I do not see that you have been abandoned. My mom and dad and my brother and I and our families "looked out for" both of my grandmothers in their later retirement years. Though they had adequate resources to provide for themselves as a family we made sure to visit regularly, create relationships with their care givers, etc, etc, etc.... My Aunt (mom's sister) and her husband and son's all participated in "looking out for" my mom's mother.
No one pumped money in to the support of either of my grandmothers.
If your DH expected is son to support you financially... that is entirely a different thing and was not an appropriate thing for your DH to ask of his son. No parent should ask to saddle their children with supporting them in old age.
IMHO of course.
Your mother was right.... and
Your mother was right.... and yes ... remember this is not your son, he has no obligation towards you, just as you have none towards him, cut him off...
Is he a businessman? Why was
Is he a businessman? Why was he expected to help with business set up? And how was going to help you move? You hire a moving truck. Does he own a moving truck? I just don't see how SS could be expected to do all this?