How many chances/time?
How many chances/how much time do you allow for either DH or the skid involved to clean up skid messes before taking matters into your own hands? As in cleaning by pitching.
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Sounds like they've had
Sounds like they've had enough chances to do it on their own, give them an actual deadline.
I used to fight with DH about
I used to fight with DH about SD16 and her nasty ass room and bathroom. When she first moved in with us, DH would go in there and clean it up FOR her. He maybe did that 3-4 times and then he stopped. He has tried shaming her, yelling at her, reasoning with her, threatening her but SHE knows that he won't follow through on anything, so she just keeps everything status quo.
It still pisses me off when I have to walk past her nasty ass room and it still pisses me off that BS4 can't take a bath and instead has to take a shower in my bathroom, because the only bathtub in the house is in the bathroom that she uses and has trashed.. but I have let it go with DH. Not my monkey. If he is cool with raising a filthy, nasty pig.. so be it. I'll just concentrate on BS4 and making sure he is brought up to be better.
I've started gradually
I've started gradually organizing SD6's toys. I've thrown some stuff away and put other things into storage for my DD. Once I've got it organized the way I want, I will explain to her that she has to make sure everything is back in its place at the end of each weekend. If I tell her to clean up and she doesn't, I'm planning on confiscating all the items that she hasn't put back where they belong and she'll have to earn them back. If it gets excessive and she repeatedly doesn't clean up, then I will throw some things away or give them away.
Its not the rooms that bother
Its not the rooms that bother me, I close the door, they don't bring their clothes down to be washed on wash day, then they can wear dirty clothes to school and be the stinky kid in class, I could care less.
But their crap all over my house makes me SCREAM, I sped hundreds remodeling our mudroom hide their coats and backpacks they used to throw all over the floor, and they still don't always use it, I scream at the bios, I used to scream at the skids... I don't anymore...
I point it out to the DH, he is starting to get it, but not consistently or I'll gather up the handfuls of toys and speakers and coats and crap and hand them to DH.
Drives me NUTS!
Oh hell no! ANYTHING that I
Oh hell no! ANYTHING that I find of SD16's anywhere in the house other than her bedroom, I simply pick up and chuck it on her bed or her bedroom floor. BS4 has some toys that he likes to keep in the living room as his bedroom is upstairs and he doesn't like being up there by himself, but he has to pick up whatever he has gotten out EVERY night before bed. I refuse to come downstairs in the morning to a living room full of toys and crap.
Pathetic that a 4 year old can pick up after himself, can throw his garbage in the trash, can put his dirty dishes in the sink, but a 16.3 year old can not?
That's like DH's grandsons.
That's like DH's grandsons. They are now 3 and 6 years old but when they were a couple of years younger they would talk to my SS13 and SS14 and tell them they needed to throw away their trash and put their laundry in the hamper :O
DH's excuse…Well they have parents who work together to raise them. BM doesn't do this at HER house.
MY answer…I don't give a fuck about BM's house. You are not willing to parent with me in OUR house.
Didn't change a damn thing.
Yep, that has always been DHs
Yep, that has always been DHs excuse for SD16... "well you didn't see how she was living at GBM's, that is how she was raised." Well WE certainly DON'T live like that and if you are going use the "when in Rome" excuse, then you're making no sense. She has been living with us for almost 2 years, and NOTHING has changed.
And frankly, I don't care WTF goes on at BM's house or at GBM's house and frankly I DON'T believe that it is GBM's fault or BM's "fault". Sorry but we all have CHOICES. SD16 CHOOSES to be a lazy, nasty slob. No one is holding a knife to her throat.
Skids and bios are school
Skids and bios are school aged. The rooms I dont care much about as long as laundry is in the hamper. We don't allow food in bedrooms. As far as common areas, kids and skids have been told that the living room and our cars are not toy boxes. 15 minutes before bed they all put away their things. If they go to bed and leave stuff laying around I usually pitch it. If its sonething like an iPad it becomes mine and earning it back varies.
My kids don't get social
My kids don't get social privledgies unless their rooms are clean n chores are done. I tell them if you want plans to go out this weekend ~ I will ask is your room clean n did you do your chores. If no ~ then no is your answer. Don't text me n ask if you can go to so so's house after school ~ same question. If I am home ~ I will look n then take a pic off my phone n text back ~ what do you think is my answer.
Sorry I am not breeding animals in this house ~ I don't ask a lot of my kids
After this past spring
After this past spring cleaning SS13's room out and it took me 6 hours and SS14's room took me 3 hours AND now it looks like complete crap, I will NOT clean out their rooms EVER AGAIN. They have doors.
I don't clean their rooms, wash their laundry, pack, cook or do very little transporting them anywhere. SS13 was given a chore to load and unload the dishwasher a year ago. I explained to DH that the dishes needed to be done after each meal. Of course there was an argument from DH on that but I held my position. So I started backing out and disengaging UNTIL (and I mean months of this shit) the dishes were being put into the washer once a day. We would have dirty dishes piling up for a full day and it was gross.
So now I do the dishes as I think they should be done. If SS13 gets them done fine, otherwise I just do them and I know this pisses DH off but I really don't care how he feels, it's gross.
When I find things of theirs around the house, I pick them up and throw it on their bedroom floors or on their beds and that includes trash. Let them deal with their filth but I will not allow my home to be a HUGE trash can. They are lazy, inconsiderate slobs. Their BM can live like that but I refuse too.
I have always had higher expectations for the skids but since DH doesn't want to parent in our home together, he can deal with his kids being slobs and I will keep a clean house under my terms.
They have until they walk out
They have until they walk out the door to go back to BioMonster's. DH makes them throw away trash, put water bottles into recycling, put away games and gaming equipment, and take items from the living room to their bedroom. If they fail to clean it up and he or I have to do so after they've left, he gets on them about it the next time they're over.
As far as the bedroom goes... if it's on the FLOOR when they leave, it goes in the trash. DH's step-GS plays in there whenever he visits, so it is absolutely unacceptable to leave stuff on the floor.
SD7 is required to pickup all
SD7 is required to pickup all the stuff in common areas before bedtime each night. If it's left out she loses it (depending on what it is either trash can or put away for the remainder of her visit). Her room and playroom area has to be clean before she goes back to BM's. If it's not (same thing, I take it away and she doesn't get to use it for her next visit) or DH will clean it up, but not usually. In this case I don't care who cleans it, but it wont be me and it better be done before she leaves because I won't be staring at that mess all week while she is gone.