After reading yours,, Here is mine
The last three years of my life has been very difficult,, I married a man with two daughters, ages now 18 and 14. I also have two daughters, ages now 11 and 14. We have our girls full-time except for the oldest who just moved out to attend college. Prior to me entering his life, his mother spent a majority of time in their life helping him raise the girls,, their BM is bi-polar and is in and out of their lives. Since my marriage to him, his mother has interferred in our life either by telling my H or other family members how things with his girls should be maintained. My H is a 41 year old grown kid and we have differ discipline/rules. We seem to struggle 5 out of 7 days. I do notice favortism from him toward his child where he suddenly picks up on wrong doing with mine. He does not back me up in enforcing rules. He and his mother has spoiled his daughters, and I have a problem with their every beck and call to them and it being handed to them. To be honest, I feel my marriage failing due to the difference in how I want to raise my children and how he plans to raise them. His 14 year old can get in trouble and look at him and cry and then brag to mine about how all she has to do is cry. I have learnt each and every child and their ways and how they manipulate us. I have been reading your blogs for weeks and I too feel I am not comfortable in my own home. I can tell my SD to get off the computer to go clean her room and an hour later she is still on the computer, so I unplug the computer and out of spite she will just sit there or go to one of the other girls rooms. I can tell her on her night to get the dishes done, she will let them sit for hours and has to be told another time to do them,, I wasnt raised that way and neither was my daughters. I am literally suffering from ulcers and stress from this. I talk to my H but he literally just tells me its his fault for not doing better when he was single. I need some advise people..
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he raised them, let him handle it
Leave the raising of his kids to him. Make sure your kids are doing well, and get their chores done. If his don't, let him handle it. tell him that tonight is SD turn to do dishes, and you expect them done, whether he does them or SD does, it doesn't matter. Leave them there. The next night, cook dinner as usual. Set aside dishes from the night before for him to do. take the computer out of her room. Take the door off her room, until she learns that the things she has are privileges, not rights.
Part 2.....
Thanks for the comments, I can tell each and everyone's advise is going to help me in some way,,There is so much I can type that has occurred but I know just a little at a time...Okay so most of our children have cell phones...right? and interent at home. I take up our childrens phone every night at 9:00 pm. The reason being that they are getting a good nights rest for school the next day and not receiving and sending text all night. Well occassionally i browse through the text, just to see that they arent abusing the text,,,Low and behold, my SD is talking to guys from various states,,,8 that i am aware of,,,I mention this to my DH and we discuss the danger in this. So I then install a parental program on the computer that the children use to record all activity. I discover that SD is talking to boys/men on the net all over the place. I then approach my DH about that. My concern being one day SD may not get off the bus, may not return from the football game when we pick her up and since she is on my cell phone plan, Im cutting off her text. Well he insisted that I cut BD's texting off as well. I explained that when one child does wrong cant punish the others for that one child's wrong. The child that did wrong needs to be punished. So i did cut off my SD's texting. But i received my cell phone bill and discovered that she just called the boys/guys. So after approaching him about that. He did nothing. In fact he asked if I WOULD CUT HER TEXTING BACK ON!! WTF!! Even after SD came home with a 65 in math.. My children are far from perfect,,in fact my oldest BD snuck out of the house just 3 weeks ago to go roll a neighbors yard when she had a friend stay over..and he insisted a major punishment BUT when my BD and SD snuck out about 6 months ago, my DH thought it was no big deal that they did no harm...My mother called me last night and she could hear the point of breaking in my voice..
I have withdrawn so much.. The oldest SD, i feel, hates to come home from college, because of all the drama. My DH says its because she and I dont communicate. There is another story to that,,,,THE STORY to me fixing to move my youngest into her room...i will explain that one later...
Thank you guys so much...