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Ok.....now to the Oldest Skid...I dont want him living under MY roof ever again...

stressedstep's picture

The oldest skid is SS19.

Well mannered, polite etc. They were his only good qualities. I have to admit with SS19, I have played a big influence in his life by challenging his attitude and being really quite up front with him. Ill point out here that I have NEVER slated his BM or its family down.

SS19 has given me 18 months of hell. OH moved into MY house with ME and MY daughter 2 1/2 years ago. I was aware that the skids would be staying over once a week, and was fine with that (I had a three bed property), so SD slept in BD room and SS had the other room. SS19 started having problems at home, mostly caused by BM and its ilk. But SS19 did himself no favours. He finished school, didnt bother with college so dossed. BM was ok with this, but then she met a new man! SS19 started getting lippy and BM and NP (new partner) were not best pleased....Now BM doesnt provide for the kids, OH pays maintenance every week but expected both my and OH to buy clothes shoes etc ON TOP of that even though she got benefit money for the kids also. No when SS19 turned 16, BM kicked him out as the benefits stopped cos he didnt go to college. Then she had him back cos OH stoppped paying her as he wasnt living there. Then she kicked him out again....so OH stopped paying again. In all this he never came to ours, he stayed with BM's family. Then the worse happened, he came to us. I was ok with this, its OH son, and I knew he had kids and SS19 was a polite lad etc.......WRONG! He is a lob, a liar, lazy, immature to name a few. He decided he wanted a job, so through my brother and sister in law (they own their own company) he was given an apprentiship, SS19 was chuffed to bits! Good money, college training too, all paid for, job for life. He screwed it up. Left ours one night and didnt come back, he stayed with an aunt, decorated her house and ignored his job. Then he lost said job, so he moved in with his uncle. 3 months of no contact followed, then out of the blue he rings OH " Dad, can I come back", Now remember he has no job, no money, no benefits cos he cant be bothered. So back he comes and OH and ME re expected to pay for SS19....I was displeased, but said whilst we were at work, he could assist with jobs around the house while he looked for work, OH agreed and told SS19 what was expected of him. SS19 did jack all, just slept all day. dossed, ate food for the WHOLE family, went out, dossed some more, came back sat up til lord knows what time then went to bed. How cushy is that!? I complained to OH who at one point accused me of being constantly on at him! Eventually, OH saw the light and pulled SS19 up. Now, none of the kids are asked much, they are asked to clear up after themselves, not to leave cups/glasses/plates dumped in the lounge...if you used it take it the kitchen and clean it.....although BD and SD just have to take it to the kitchen......SS19 couldnt even do that.
Eventually, he left again, yet more months of no contact....this continued for a year or so....he would stay, go, ignore, stay, go, ignore which annoyed the total s**t out of me. He then came back (for the last time), and then decided to lie about me and his dad. Told his BM that I told him I didnt want him there, refused to cook for him (he was 18 at this point!) etc. OH lost his temper and said enough was enough. There is a multitude of trouble and grief and more lies all in between this.
As a relief, partner and I split for 3 months, OH moved out and took SS19 with him.........BLISS......when OH and I decided to get back together ON MY TERMS, I told him SS19 needed somewhere to live, as he wasnt coming back to ours....he agreed......then starts the following months with SS17, but thats another blog.

So my question, I have lost all respect for this kid, I give him is due cos he has found a new job, and he is running his own bedsit, but has still asked to move back to ours (OH said no). He has now started sleeping over once a week at weekends, which I can handle to a point, but once he moves to a local bedsit it will stop. I DONT EVER WANT THIS KID TO MOVE BACK INTO MY HOME, I DONT ACTUALLY WANT HIM TO STAY AT MY HOME, Is that wrong, or totally justified!?

Comments

stressedstep's picture

To add, SS19 did most of the above to get his moms attention...he didnt want to live with his dad because he had rules that had to be followed. He did everything to get into the good books of BM and its family.....but lost his dads respect in the process.

He still lies, yet expects everyone to help in his need and OH feels he has too cos he is the dad, even though SS19 created the mess.

stressedstep's picture

Hi There,

Im in the UK, and if the child goes to college child support has to be continued up til 19 (I think). If they just dossing then parents have to support them as the benefits stopped for under 18s to stop them dossing when they left school. So OH didnt pay for him then. When he was in and out of ours, I had to assist in paying for him to live with us and do jack all and doss and lie etc

lillfiredog's picture

I have a SS19 that is super lazy, and the DH that matches. I don't know what to tell you. I don't think you are wrong in how you feel. What floors me is that the DH's see nothing wrong with all of this. IF my BS did the things his SS's did, there would be hell to pay. His SS's get away with a lot.
I want to leave. But I don't know if it is worth the pain of moving, starting over etc.
I just don't feel anymore.

stressedstep's picture

I can totally relate to you. My OH isnt lazy as such, but doesnt help out around the home much either. He will if asked, cos he is bit dippy in that sense! lol
When it comes to his kids, he sees it, gets it eventually, but wont put his foot down and say "no more son, your not living here".

In fairness to OH, SS19 actually asked a couple of months ago if he could move back and OH said no, cos if he did he would lose his placement on the bidding system (the UK council have a bidding process now to find a home, if he has somewhere to live he goes on a lower priority) BUT cos SS19 just found a job and is struggling where he lives at the moment (distance to and from work and affording it) Ive got this fear that SS19 will ask again and OH will say yes cos he "feels sorry for him (SS19) )plus he feels as their dad "he should" be there no matter what.
I remember once when all this was going on that OH spoke with his dad for advice, his dad said that "if its causing problems with your relationship with StressedStep then you have to stop it now" to which OH replied "it doesnt affect our relationship cos they are my kids and thats that".....even when he told me I never said a word.
Yet in his next breath, OH will say to me "I know its hard on you, you dont have to put up with this, Ill understand"...yet if I said anything, id be everything nasty under the sun (hence STRESSEDStep! lol)
In my case OH has guilty feelings about not being with his kids 24 hours a day, and SSs play on that constantly.

The younger SS is worse! But thats another blog for later on.....