Adult Stepson problems
Hello,
I'm merely here to share my story and experiences with living with an adult stepson now aged 26.
Ever since he left school he never looked to go to college, didn't want to look for a job, never bothered with driving lessons, even getting him to do chores around the house was painful, he had a damn right lazy attitude. He spent his first few years at home just dossing on his playstation whilst me and my partner where at work. It used to grate on me a lot, but my partner never really seemed bothered by it. I started to put my foot down but this caused numerous arguments with both the stepson and my partner. He eventually moved to Leeds with his girlfriend he met over the internet and I thought this was the start he needed... but NO! He started college, but his attendance was so bad due to his IBS that he never managed very well. The doctors told him what he had to do, but he never looked after himself very well. He spent the next few years just sitting around the flat, again in front of the TV on the playstation. My partner would get on at him but he always got defensive and rude about it.
Unfortunately his relationship fell apart at 24 and he moved back in with us. I knew this was a bad idea as he would just fall back into his old ways, but my partner assured me she would get him told to sort himself out. This never happened... she mollycoddled him for the next 6 months. I put my foot down once again and became the bad guy, making everyone miserable apparently. WTF! "Is it so bad that I want him to make something of himself?" I don't want another adult lazying around the house, contributing nothing. Stepson after a while moved to his nans because he didn't like the situation. Again doing nothing, using his nans like a doss house. All the while no one has ever given him home truths, his lazy nature has always been brushed under the carpet, I'm the only one who is really vocal about it, but feel like the bad guy all the time.
Stepson has recently moved back in with us at 26 yo. Need I say anymore on what he is doing. I wasn't happy, partner not happy with me being unhappy. Doesn't understand my views on him, after all she is his mother.
Dr Phil has episodes like
Dr Phil has episodes like what you described on his show all the time. He has a whole moocher series. You, my friend, are living in a Dr. Phil episode. You must escape this!
Why oh why would you ever
Why oh why would you ever agree to having him move back in knowing what he was like. You had a good excuse not to. Unfortunately it is going to be very difficult to get him back out again IMO.
I moved in with my DH and his then 18 yr old son. He lived with us for 8 years of our marriage. He was also lazy with no chores, no ambition. DH was still doing his laundry!! It was only because of my pressuring DH (and marriage counseling) that he finally got his licence (at 21), tried to get him to find a career (which he blew off), get a job (which I forced him to do). It was a nightmare and I had one foot out the door. Finally my DH gave him an ultimatum to move out and he ended up moving in with BM at the age of 25. She conveniently moved out of town so he had to find roommates. He never asked if he could move back here and I would have said NO WAY.
He does have some mental illness which he is on meds for. The counseling center has put him up in a hotel while trying to get subsidized housing for him. It is sad but he needs to be on his own no matter what .
If I didn't pressure my DH SS25 would still be living here with DH and I would be gone!
Why exactly do you tolerate
Why exactly do you tolerate his presence in YOUR home? Time to tell your wife that either he goes or they both go. At this point you are as much a facilitator of this as his mother is.
Zero tolerance. Bring the consequences. Start by rekeying the locks and informing them both that no one gets in unless you are there and then only your bride will enter.
Good luck.
That's kinda of what Dr. Phil
That's kinda of what Dr. Phil advised. He said you lock them out of the home when you go to work. Moocher is supposed to walk the neighborhood asking to do lawns or go to the gas station and ask for employment all day and then at the end of the day, you unlock the door. Repeat the next day.
Kind of like homeless
Kind of like homeless shelters; they don't just let people laze around their place all day, doin' nothin'. Some would never want to leave!
Oh yes. That is exactly what
Oh yes. That is exactly what the homeless shelter in my town does too.
4 years on and still in same
4 years on and still in same situation. I totally agree with your comment.