how am I supposed to "involve" SSs when they haven't been seen for 4 and 8 MONTHS respectively!!??
Last night I got a little annoyed about something that OH has said a couple of times.......he is really conscious of his age atm with a baby on the way, and not not being able to run around and kick a ball about with his new son when he is old enough.....so last night, he said the same line he has said a number of times.... with his hand on my bump he said "daddy may be old and not able to run around with you, but you have SS19 and SS17 who will take to footie and kick a ball about".....
Why I hear you ask is this annoying? My OH was overjoyed that I was expecting a boy, not for himself, for me.....he knew I would be delighted with a lad after bringing up my daughter, and wanted me to experience a mother and son relationship.....now, I have a large family, and there are a lot of lads, as have a lot of my friends! lol Anyway, when it comes to footie, the moms get involved! lol They take the lads to practice, and have a kick about and I am looking forward to being a footie mom.......yet Im never mentioned....so last night when OH said about SS19 and SS17, I patted my bump and said "and mommy will take you too son"....OH gufuffed and said "what do you mean you!? you cant kick properly and moms dont do that!".....I reminded him at this point that his own mom was a single mother and took OH to ALL of his footie practices AND matches.....and this didnt go down well at all...
I got accused of ignoring his sons, of not involving them in the coming baby, of not considering them in my life.......I think he may need to read my blogs.....but Ive not seen SS19 in 4 months ish, and OH has only seen him twice....and SS17 well ive not seen in 8 months, since he destroyed my home, OH hasnt seen him, only heard his abuse and nasty sh*t hate filled mouth...so how am I supposed to involve the invisible SSs exactly!!!??? It appears now that after everything, he is about to go running to his sons and give in to their disrespect....
I know he misses them, I know it hurts him so very much not seeing his boys. But after recent talks, I thought he had finally saw it for what is was and realised that he had to put his foot down....apparently not.....
- stressedstep's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Oh for Pete's sake....in the
Oh for Pete's sake....in the years your baby will be a minor your husband will have gone from 37ish to 57ish. Not exactly ready for the 'old folks home'. If your Dh takes care of his health there is no reason to believe he'll be any less capable of doing the footie thing than you will be. Or was it a typo when you stated once before that you and DH were both 37?
Not to sound mean, I don't know if it's your hormones or what, but you are getting so overly sensitive. Had you just let the little remark about playing footie your DH initially made ride (it was harmless enough until you decided to play it up)the rest of the 'fight' wouldn't have followed.
Of course you don't have to be the one to worry over his relationship with his sons. Whatever happens as to if there is someday a bit of reconciled relationship between DH and his older sons is his problem and his role to make or break. They are out of your home, basically out of your life and they are not a threat to your home. The guy still has hope that his sons will grow emotionally up and mature into decent adults. You know that the odds of that occurring any time soon (if at all) are very remote. But they aren't moving in with you. They aren't doing weekly visits and you know neither will be happening again. But why trash his hopes that maybe someday his oldest sons and he will be able to some type of relationship in an adult fashion ( an occasional lunch, perhaps a holiday afternoon get-together, perhaps ever more than a simple phone call to say 'hey' now and then).
Your SS's have out lived their welcome in your home at this point. And that's ok. the boys did that all by themselves with their poor behavior and lousy decisions they themselves made. But how did a pat on the tummy turn into anything more than a pat and a man's foolish wish of hoping his older sons somehow manage to pull their heads out of their buns.
Hi Both....it was more the
Hi Both....it was more the gufuff and telling me its "not what moms did" that annoyed me.....I should point put I didnt show in though! lol. When I said his mom had done it with him, it wasnt meant in a nasty way......my main point is that if they have shown no interest now, then why the hell would they!? They only care about themselves, always have done.
I suppose your right twoviewpoints...maybe I should sort of support OH's "dream" that his elder two sons will suddenly find the right path....even though the rest of the world know full well it wont happen....I am sensitive, because so far in my pregnancy its all been about HIS kids and THEIR reactions, feelings etc....never just happiness regarding the new baby.....not even my BD7 is taking any consideration...but hey ho .....
As a pregnant woman, I can
As a pregnant woman, I can see why you are annoyed. Honestly this should be about you & your DH. He keeps trying to drag his kids, who obviously don't care, into it. It seems maybe he DOES need a reality check - HEY - your kids haven't shown their face in MONTHS. So don't get mad at me for wanting to play footie with my son.
Seems he is angry his sons aren't around so he is taking it out on you. & that is not ok.
Stressedstep, After being on
Stressedstep, After being on various step blogs for about 9 years now, I can tell you that my unofficial survey says that probably 2% of biodads "get it."
To this day, Chef still blames ME for his kids PASout. He has NEVER EVER breathed one word of "my ex-wife and her mother poisoned my children against me" which is the absolute truth and which he saw evidence of time and again.
He also lives in a delusional world saying "my kids don't want to come over because I was STRICT with them and kicked their asses." Chef got LIP BURN from kissing the BM and his three kid's netherquarters.
Is he aware that his sons are
Is he aware that his sons are not the father of your baby?
And, is he so old that he doesn't realize that mothers are involved in sports? This isn't the dark ages where they stay home tending the fire.