About to divorce???????
My DH and I have not been having much luck making our marriage work. It's always been my contention that he blames me for not being able to replace the nuclear family he lost when he got divorced the first time. He would never admit it but now he is saying that. My kids are grown so I've done the family thing.
I have pretty much disengaged from his kids and in the process disengaged alot from him also because his priorities are his kids.
His daughter that still lives iwth us 60% treated me like was invisible and he contended it was all my fault that she treated me that way even though I did nothing to her. I'm sure she's VERY happy that she managed to do alot of damage to our marriage. Kicker is she leaves for college in a couple months so she will be gone.
I am asking him to wait until she leaves for college to see how thiings go after that. I think they will be alot better with her out of the house.
I just feel like he tries to use emotional blackmail on me, blaming me for everythihng and that I don't want to do the family thing. I dont'deny him a relationship with his kids nor discourage it but I have told him that our marriage needs to be a priority in his life. He says it is but his actions and attitudes say otherwise.
My heart is breaking. I don't want to go thru another divorce but looks like this is where I am heading............
Just need some support right now from someone.
- Steppy MN2's blog
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Not sure really what to say
Not sure really what to say since I haven't been in your exact situation but Im really sorry for you! Hugs!!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Don't count on SD to stay at
Don't count on SD to stay at college. The coddled skid usually fails out and comes running back to daddykins/mommykins. Sorry you are going through this!
Well the really wonderful
Well the really wonderful thing he did was take our wedding picture off as his profile picture on Facebook and replace it with a picture of him and the daughter that has been causing the problems.
Suppose that was his passive aggressive way of telling me he had made his choice.
The way she acted she hurt me terribly and now he is really telling me that as far as he is concerned it was just fine.
Thanks for your support.
I will never get married
I will never get married again..............nor even date a man with kids at home!
Thanks for the support. I need it so badly right now.
Smart lady. I would go so far
Smart lady. I would go so far as to say I would NEVER have ANYTHING to do with a man who has kids, PERIOD. No matter WHAT their status is, grown, out of the house, whatever. Blood is thicker than water.
Sadly you have a mini-wife and ball-less man on your hands. But then again, you knew that.
I know, I was hoping he would
I know, I was hoping he would grow a pair but it seems like he has made his choice.
Thanks so much for the support.
Thanks Sweet Pea. And his
Thanks Sweet Pea. And his wallet is open, that's for sure. Other than that, and all the attention he gives them, they don't have much to do with him.
His ex had an affair and up and left him and the kids. I used to think it was her fault but now beginning to think he may have been emotionally blackmailing her too.
I have told him numerous times he would be alone after his kids left but guess that's better than being with me.
It's kind of amazing, I get more support from strangers on here than I do from my DH.
that's what I suggested to
that's what I suggested to him but not sure I can make it for the six weeks til she goes to college............i wish she would go live with her Mother til then!!
thanks so much for your support
My SO has never had a picture
My SO has never had a picture of he and I on his FB, it is always him with his daughters. And my passive aggressive way of handling it that I finally decided not to have a pic of he and I on mine, I have pics of me and my daughter or me and my step sons (from prior marriage). He has told me his kids come first, so yes blood is thicker than water. I have a daughter too, but I try to be fair to my SO and my daughter. I have chosen my SO over my daughter a few times during our 10 years together, but I can't tell you one time that he has chosen me over his kids. that is why we aren't married. His kids don't live with us so it is tolerable, and they don't come to visit too often, so I don't have to deal with them too much. and the youngest going off to college 2 years ago, was a real relief. Finally, she has a life of her own, a boy friend for the first time in her life and that helped too. I would try to get through the next six weeks, and then let things settle in (if you really love this guy) and then make a decision, but you need to even give that time after she leaves to see how he deals with it.
in my opinion, i'd rather be
in my opinion, i'd rather be divorced 5 times than live with a man that I mean so little to. and YOU are begging HIM to stick around and see if things get better? i'm sorry hon, really.
yeh, when you put it that way
yeh, when you put it that way I do sound pretty pathetic
thanks for the support and insight, it makes perfect sense
Don't expect it to be better
Don't expect it to be better because she's out of the house. It just won't be as constant and in your face. But still the phone calls, the money drain, the expectations and ongoing entitlement, and his chasing after her will for sure continue. And because she is not in your house, much of this will happen in secret, I bet. It will feel like he is having an affair. Yet YOU will be the one in the wrong.
So very sorry.
Thanks for the advice. I
Thanks for the advice. I just had some hope that the tension and stress would be less when she went off to college. Her older sister rarely comes to visit so I was thinking it might be the same for her. But he has said before that the reason she (older sister) doesn't come to our house is "because you're here". Sometimes he is so cruel.