BM has openly admitted to both me and DF that she has a lot of problems with SS3. He basically calls the shots when he's in her care. For example, he's potty trained (except at night) yet he pulls his pants down and pees on her floor, then laughs at her when she cleans it up. He would NEVER do that at our house and we can't even picture him doing something like that. She can't control him when they're in public, she has a hard time getting him to bed, he won't let her cut his nails, etc. A lot of issues that we feel stem from her giving up and just giving in to him with whatever he wants. She puts his clothes on for him, puts his shoes and socks on, brushes his teeth for him...then when we get him at our house he attempts to do these things one time then starts to cry because no one will help him. We encourage, encourage, encourage and most of the time we are successful in getting him to be self-reliant. Then it starts over again after he's been at BM's for a few days.

After DF saw BM with SS3 a few weeks ago and how she interacts with him, we figured out what we think is something she can easily fix. SS2 needs things explained to him. For example, after I explained to him that we cut our nails so we don't scratch people when we play, and so that they don't get too dirty, he let me cut them just fine! When we are in public and he gets "naughty" we tell him to look at the other people and see that they are all sitting nicely in their chairs...etc. Or we explain that big boys put their own socks on. He just needs patience and someone to explain WHY we do the things we do!

BM called DF yesterday on her way back into town to figure out schedule for us to pick up the kids. DF could hear the kids in the back seat. While he was on the phone with her, he decided to bring up his "suggestion". He spoke to her in a very nice way and said, "You know how you were telling me about how much trouble you're having with Son? I have a suggestion that works for me..." and she cut him off by saying "HE'S THREE YEARS OLD AND DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO ME SOMETIMES. NO BIG DEAL." Usual snappy response from BM, so nothing new there.

But BM's brother was in the car and yelled out to DF, "Shut the f*** up you f***ing faggot!" And kept shouting and cussing, in front of the kids. DF told her he wouldn't speak to her while her brother was acting like that and while SHE was ALLOWING it to go on in front of the kids, and he hung up.

Later the conversation continued...BM never once apologized for her brother, but instead made excuses for him that DF is always "picking on her" and that he's always so mean to her and her whole family "hears it". (Mind you, the only way they can 'hear it' is through BM's filtering of the information later, since they only ever talk on the phone) DF said that he had a suggestion for her that works for us and that he's just trying to CO-PARENT and COMMUNICATE with her but that she wouldn't even listen. She just continued to play the victim and STILL wouldn't listen or collaborate or anything. She continued to tell him that he was the topic of conversation all weekend with her family and that they all think he's such a jerk, and that he's told SD5 that she's a "bad mom"...which he has NEVER EVER done. I would have kicked his ass if he ever said that to her! I know he's very careful about saying things in front of the kids. So is BM making things up now to play the victim with her family even more??? Planting things in SD's head?

EXCUSE ME, BM? This "Jerk" continues to raise YOUR daughter, that is not his, and has to deal with your crazy family? (SD5 was BM's child from previous, and DF has raised her since infant and continues to take her so that his son, SS3 and his sister stay together). Not only is BM's family crazy, but our stepdaughter's REAL dad and grandma are crazy too. I think DF is starting to realize we are going to have to stop taking SD5 in order to maintain our sanity...he said he's so sick of fighting and fighting people who won't communicate and won't work together, and who obviously think he's a jerk for trying to co-parent and communicate with BM on a weekly basis about issues with the kids.

Here's a little food for thought: BM and her brother's bio-dad walked out on their family when they were 8 and 10. He signed over all his rights to that family, walked away, and started a new family. Apparently this guy now has a wife and three kids. Obviously couldn't handle the crazy, either.