I got to the daycare birthday party for SS4 after FDH was already there and BM wasn't there yet. I scoped out the seating situation and decided she'd be mad at me if I sat in the stool next to SS4, so I sat in the only available chair left. (It's a very small at home daycare, just Baby, SS4, and 2 other girls go there).

BM walked in with her daughter, SD6 and did an awkward pause (she was obviously not happy I was there). She came in and sat down at the stool...didn't give her son a kiss or a hug or anything. She stood awkwardly looking at us all sitting around the table and she then went to sit in the stool. A little while later, while SS was blowing out his candles, she made a huge snotty sigh and flipped her hair, then pulled the stool away and went down on her knees. SS said, "Mommy why aren't you sitting in the stool?" and she said, super snotty "because I'm an adult and don't need to be sitting in a STOOL at the table." So she'd be pissed if I were sitting near her son but she's pissed because the only chair available is a stool.

Anyway.

We sang happy birthday, ate ice cream and a cupcake. Then it was time for him to open his gifts. He was absolutely insane. He'd RIP open a gift, look at it, make this weird screechy noise, then THROW it across the table. The first time he did that he almost hit my baby in the face. BM said NOTHING. SD6 goes, "Brother, you almost hit Baby in the face!!" and he didn't have any reaction. Finally FDH said, "SS, what do you say?" and he had to withhold a present before SS would say he was sorry. Then he gets another present. Same thing. THROWS the toy, THROWS the garbage on the floor violently and reaches for hte next toy.

Daycare had to give him a pep talk. She held his face and said, "CALM. DOWN.....SLOW. BE THANKFUL." So I pipe in, "SS, who got you that present?" He had no idea. It took him awhile until he could remember. Then he said the name and I said, "Then what do you say to Girl?" He finally says, "Thank you, Girl."

This whole time BM is busy quieting her phone because it keeps going off....mind you she won't just turn it off (we need to be reminded how popular she is), she just silents it each time it starts.

This is when I realize I need to bite my tongue and see what happens. I'm not going to be the only one disciplining SS right in front of both of his parents!

He continued on with his weird noises, being extremely hyper, and being rude and disrespectful with his garbage and toys. Daycare almost gave him a time out. BM? Nothing. No reaction to any of it. This is obviously how he acts around her all the time...which is what FDH says. He always says he's a different kid when he gets to her house (like when he drops him off).

FDH started getting harsh with him finally so that made it better.

The party was wrapping up and I had to leave because I had an appointment. FDH was there with our baby still. Daycare thought I was taking baby with me, so she asked to hold him and give him good bye snuggles, so she was holding him when I left still. Apparently there was a point shortly after where Daycare was holding Baby, and she was grabbing SS4's arm to try to wrangle him and make him settle down becaues he was bouncing off the wall. BM said, "Oh, I'll take the baby!!"

So BM held my baby, this is #4 time...without me there! FDH told me about it later in the night and I was kind of mad but trying not to show it. I said, "Why doesn't she ever ask when I'm around?" and he said that she's intimidated by me. I said it's totally disrespectful to blatantly do this all the time when i'm not around. I said that she obviously feels like it's 'wrong' if she purposefully does it when i'm not around! He agreed with me....arg!

This morning I dropped baby off and Daycare said to me, "Is SS always like that at your house? How he was last night?" And I was like NOOOOO absolutely NOT! We don't let him act like that.

She let out a big sigh and said, "Ugh I felt like I was starting over at square one with him and his manners and trying to calm him down!"

I said, "I had to bite my tongue a lot last night because I know it's not really my place when both parents are there to be the disciplinarian."

Daycare said, "YES I know! I was biting my tongue a lot too! If it were just me he would have had a time out after the first time he threw those toys and didn't say thank you!" I agreed with her completely.

Then she sighed again and said, "Ugh, we've got a long road ahead of us, don't we?" YEP. we do.

I talked to FDH this morning and he said that yeah, BM is the laziest disciplinarian ever...always has been. She'll just say like "No." or "Don't do that." but doesn't explain to the kids why they shouldn't or that they need good manners because of ____.

Atleast we know that daycare is on the same page as us!