Any tips to instill a sense of urgency in SS3? Showing signs of ADD or attention-seeking?
My SS3 is the definition of "DAWDLER". (Before I go on, YES, I do understand he's only 3.5 and that I shouldn't expect him to be quick, or have that sense of urgency or to be able to stay on task all the time...I just want some opinions/advice.)
This morning he made his older sister miss the bus because we he takes forever to do everything. Not because it's hard for him to get dressed by himself anymore, it's because he will start something and get distracted and needs at least 10 reminders (not exaggerating) to stay on task. Then he needs to be told what to do next, every time, even if it's a process that we go through every single day. Day care has noticed this as well and is trying to work on it too. We're genuinely worried that he's developing (or has) ADD. I hate to throw that word out there because I truly feel it's overused and overdiagnosed these days but it's just what it seems like. Our constant phrase lately has been, "Skid, FOCUS! One thing at a time!"
Here are some examples:
- This morning he put on one arm of his coat, and then got distracted looking for a shoe to make a pair -- yet he already had both his shoes on.
- This weekend he was excited to go swimming at a hotel and see his grandma, and talked about it all morning. When it was finally time to leave he sat on the stairs and played with some cars. So it seems it doesn't matter if it's something he's excited to do, either.
- He'd sit at the kitchen table with his dinner plate for hours if we let him, even with his favorite dish.
- He'd sit in the bathtub until it's cold if we'd let him.
- We all run to the car when it's raining to get in and then turn to see where he is and he's walking at the pace of an ant, yet complaining because he's getting wet.
- When we arrive somewhere, he'll sit in the backseat until we almost have to yell at him to get out already.
- We always say "Hurry up!" and then we say, "Do you know what HURRY means?" SS blankly looks at us, so we say, "It means quick! Fast!" We are always trying to make sure he understands the words we're telling him so that's not the reason to act that way. We compare "slow" and "fast" so he sees the difference.
Does anyone have some advice on instilling a sense of urgency or "hurry up" in him? Does anyone think these behaviors are more indicitive of some sort of disability??
His older sister, who is 5, has ALWAYS been quick and fast and understands processes so we keep hoping he tries to model after her...not happening!
And I can't help but think this is attention-seeking behavior but I don't understand it!!
- SteppingUp's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
boys are different and he's
boys are different and he's only 3...his attention span is going to be very short for a long time probably.i've heard boys are always tougher when they're kids but easier as teens when girls are the opposite.i know it's annoying that he's puttering along when you are in a hurry but again,he has only been alive for 3 years.not a very long time.the items you listed sound like typical 3 year old behaviors in my opinion.he's still considered a toddler and toddlers are a serious pain in the behind most times.cut him some slack and try to be more patient with him or you'll turn him into an anxiety ridden nervous wreck who will never take time to stop and smell the roses.
My daughter is 6 and acts the
My daughter is 6 and acts the same way. She just got tested and approved for the gifted program at school so it is not a case of intelligence but more the way that their brain processes things. It can drive me crazy because I am so fast about everything. Especially the getting out of the car part, she can be as much as 3 minutes behind everyone else and when it's 20 degrees outside it feels like 30 minutes so I know what your going through. I have not found anything that makes any lasting impression and yelling at her is not at all effective because it's something they can't help. Just like if a kid stutters you are not going to punish them out of that behavior. What I have found works the best but it's a pain to do is timers. If you have a task for them to do set a timer that they can see so the are aware that there is a time element to it. If I send my daughter upstairs for a pair of socks, 20 MINUTES later she comes down with a book. When I use the timer she runs up and down and remembers what she went up there for. The other advice I could give is only give him one step instructions. Such as when you are getting ready to get out of the car, put your toy down, stop wait for him to do it, unbuckle your seat, stop, open the door. When you say hurry they can not process all the steps and they do better when they minimal information to process. I know it's frustrating but remember it's not his fault. I would also stop comparing him to his sister, you don't want to cause confidence issues over it. Good luck!
Yeah, we struggle with
Yeah, we struggle with whether this is just personality or something else. I certainly know adults like this. I guess that's why I posted this blog to begin with. We definitely don't compare him to his sister directly, I was just trying to explain that he's got someone to model after that does things quickly, so we keep hoping that he would try to copy her (he copies everything BUT that).
I agree giving one step instructions is important and something every parent should use! It's a good thing to remember when we feel frazzled. Thanks for the tips!
I have to agree with Asher,
I have to agree with Asher, it might be a 'boy' thing. My own DS is HORRIBLE. And it's not improved much with age. It is very very frustrating! especially since I am a last minute, running late kind of girl!
I get what you are saying.
I get what you are saying. SS was like this as well. He is now 12, but EVERYONE saw the signs of ADHD around age 3. One of the few things everyone agreed on. We waited til he started kindergarten (at 5.5)to try meds and I cant believe what a difference meds could make. It was almost like SS couldn't even communicate normally before the medication. He did not listen to anything-I also had a dd 6 months older and a ds 1 year younger and the differences in them was dramatic. He would get up and say I am going to the bathroom, walk halfway down the hall, and forget what he was doing. If at supper time I asked him what he had for lunch he couldnt tell me. I remember doing things like asking, "what's your favorite color" and he would say, "color?" like he had never heard of the concept. Same thing if I asked him his name. For a long time, we were all afraid that he was slow. But once he started on meds he was able to hold a conversation for the first time.
I know others are saying this is normal behavior-but I also say go with your gut-just keep an eye on things. Our school system had a special ed preschool to help with these sort of things. They will do testing for free. As I said earlier I have a bs who is year younger than ss. He has never had a problem with being a dawdler. In fact we have always had the opposite problem with him-he rushes thru everything,we are always telling him to slow down.
Not to try to discount what
Not to try to discount what everyone else is saying, but what you just described is sooooo my SS3. Especially when you mention the way he would converse with you -- exactly the same -- ("Color?") Also the fact that everyone seems to notice it, and that other kids aren't quite the same as this.
I know once he gets into school they'll test him...I was just looking for tips to try to help him along right, hoping it is NOT ADD/ADHD-bound.
And alas, since I am not his mother, nothing will probably be done about it unless teachers in the future mention things, or things get worse and my DF pushes for testing. DF feels the same as me right now though and has the same worries.
My BS10 still doesn't really
My BS10 still doesn't really understand the meaning of hurry. Since he's my only bio, I have no idea if this is an age thing or a boy thing. But boy is it frustrating I know! I remember standing there 'all day' waiting for him to get his butt out of the car!
You just have to learn to account for this extra time as much as possible and practice deep breathing when they are in that moment to keep from killing them
This may not end anytime soon.. he's still pretty young! Good luck!