Hello...Finally! Long-ish time lurker...learner...
I don't want my first post to be tooooooo long, but wanted to pop in finally and introduce myself...say THANK YOU and maybe even return the favor for someone that is seeking... Clarity? Validation? Help? Strength? Whatever they may need to help their situation or perhaps save themself (and/or their child/children).
I have been lurking on this site, reading, learning...BREATHING! for about 1.5 years. I was in a "step situation" for about 2.5 years when I called it quits due to increasingly horrific and disgusting behavior from my "almost" SS12.5 (at the time) and SD16 . I say almost because THANK GOD (and all of you!) that I did not get married. I quite literally FLED the situation with my (at the time) BS8months. That's right! I packed up all my and my son's things (as much as I could get anyway) and moved back to my house while my (at the time) SO was at work (he did not know I was leaving). I had been living with my SO for about 2years, but thankfully still owned my own home.
While that sounds to be a bit extreme, it was the only way I would have been "allowed" to leave. I was majorly love bombed, gaslighted and generally manipulated by this man (and his family).
I am still recovering financially and emotionally from the attempted relationship (I left last year May 25). I had not worked since my son was born and had been working at a job that was well below my normal salary (because I moved to be with him) for over a year. All of my savings was gone at that point, and I had no job (I had been talked out of working...gaslighted and manipulated bigtime). I literally had about $300, my house payment and all the utilities at my home were behind about 2 months (Mr. Wonderful was "supposed" to be paying them - since he was ADAMENT that I not work; for the good of the baby...but, of course my almost SS and SD neeeeeeeded things.).
Anyway... a HUGE THANK YOU to all of you, that never even knew how much you meant or how much you helped (and continue to help!).
Happy Friday! And SO HAPPY AND BLESSED to have found you all!
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Comments
So glad to hear tbat you got
So glad to hear tbat you got out. You were brave and i think life will be on the up for you now.
Thank you. It is on the up
Thank you. It is on the up and up... but it's a climb when you are starting from behind. I have increased my salary by 50% since my last job in STEP.HELL.LAND. I do have continued "nonsense" from formerSO and he just this month started paying court ordered childsupport (a nominal amount...that's a whole other blog topic).
I'm happy that you escaped
I'm happy that you escaped that toxic relationship!!
Meeeeee tooooo. It sucks, I
Meeeeee tooooo. It sucks, I have always been a "strong person". I'm not sure how that happened, how I got sucked in like that. Like what is going on, am I crazy!?
No, you all helped me to see I WAS really seeing all this "not right" stuff and it was NOT ok.
I'm so glad you did what was
I'm so glad you did what was right for you and your son. I hope things continue to look up for both of you!
Things will keep getting
Things will keep getting better, because I will never let that happen to me and more importantly my son again. I am rapidly increasing my value in my career and my home and neighborhood is perfect for raising my sweet boy!
It's so odd exSO and his family can not see the...horrible behavior, EXTREME jealousy, mean actions and words. They don't see how entitled and spoiled his kids are... They are peeeeeerfect.
Were you able to catch up on
Were you able to catch up on the house so you didn't lose it? Why is he only paying nominal child support if he makes quite a bit of money?
I did not lose my house.
I did not lose my house.
Why he is paying nominal... well, with all the catching up and paying for all of my son's expense (including daycare $$$$ so I can work), I did not have money for an attorney when seeking child support. So I used the state's child support office, it really was my only option. But man that option sucks.
Honestly, what a bunch of bull. I filed "originally" in October - they lost my paperwork...seriously. So I had to refile at the end of December (I had been calling and they assured me that it was "in process", until opps we don't have it). They work harder for people that are collecting benefits than they do working parents - they seriously told me that. "You know this office was originally supposed to be for public assitance cases". "You make how much money and want our help?" Anyway, got all refiled. They reviewed my application and all of my attachments. I had given them everything they needed.
Well exSO was ordered to be there on X day to do DNA and provide financials. Well, he didnt go. He called THAT day and said he couldnt make it. They told him to come within 2 weeks. He didnt. He waited 3 pay cycles - decreasing his earnings by A LOT all the while (unknown to me of course) before he went in. He convinced me to allow him to stay at my house for the weekend to visit BS and then go on Monday morning. Well, he proceeded to get DRUNK all weekend. Of course he was MAD AT ME for filing for CS! Additionally spent the entire weekend trying to convince me to come back - "it will be different" "it will be better now"...
So Monday morning comes and he is SICK! SO SICK! Of course! He drank heavily all weekend! Like more than 12 beers Friday, Saturday, Sunday - each day. But, oh no! That wasn't it! It was because he was sooooo upset because after all his effort I was not coming back! How could I be so terrible and uncaring (Sarcasam). But boy oh boy! Did he ever convince those child support office women I was a she devil! I am not sure what he said to them about me/our situation. But they were under the impression he drove that day 3.5hours sick... "Did you know he came here sick just to make sure this was done for you???" Ummm, no thats not how it went....
He additionally got credit for ALL the "child portion" of health insurance - even tho his 2 kids are also on his insurance, he didnt mention that of couse. And, funny, they "lost" my child care receipts...so my child care expenses were thrown out. (No, I'm not kidding, dead serious.) I did the state's calculator online (knowing full well how much he makes - I did his taxes for him for 2 years, and he BRAGS all the time how much he makes...so do his kids...because they are privy to that info...). He is paying about 1/3 of what the states calculator said it should be. I tried to get them to review before the judge signed (the order didnt actually go into effect until 1.5 months later), there was plenty of time to review. Especially since he didn't bring W2s, waited 1.5 months to even come in when they had told him 2 weeks. But nope, did I know he came all this way when he was SICK just to make sure it got done??? I should be GRATEFUL!
I can request a review in 3 YEARS!
I guess I am not the only one
I guess I am not the only one manipulated by him at least...
I don't know where you live,
I don't know where you live, but I believe it is 3 years OR a substantial change in circumstances. It is ALWAYS better to wait for an attorney. Spend $1000 on an attorney for Child Supprot and that would not have happened to you. I'm sorry he screwed you over.
Thank you. What makes it way
Thank you. What makes it way more complicated is the 3.5 hours is over a state line. So my state "had no authority" over him in a different state. I would have to travel to his state to file child support. did eventually consult with an attorney.
Once I get another bump in pay (3months) I am going to *try. At that point I will have increased my salary by about 20% since I filed. Or, if he petitions the court for visitation I can counter for a review at that time. I believe he has already spoke to an attorney and knows that, which is why he hasn't filed for visitation already.