Issues with BM, new baby, SKIDS.. you name it.
[[was a normal post then turned into a crazy SM rant]]
I am getting so frustrated with the situation I am in concerning BM. DF and BM are supposed to have 60/40 custody (she gets alt weekends and one school night). We live less than 50 yards from each other (same apartment complex just around the block) and she sees the SKIDS maybe once or twice a month, because she’s always ‘sick’ and in the hospital. DF and I both think this lady is addicted to the pain medicine, because she will get out and be fine for a couple days, then go back in, and hospitals have started TURNING HER AWAY because they can’t find anything wrong. Even when she does have the kids, DF still takes them to school and makes sure they are picked up on time because she can’t do it. Each time they go in to court she is in the hospital again and their hearing gets put off. So we have been living like this for almost a year now, no child support, no help with anything from her.
Last week she was out for a few days so DF let them go over even though it wasn’t her day to have them, when DF shows up to take the girls to school BM makes some smart alec comment about ‘tell your girlfriend congrats on the bastard child’. Okayyy.. for one, they weren’t married when their first was born, but I think she forgot that part.
Then on Friday (right before we were to leave for my prenatal appt [which btw is a stressor all on its own]) she calls and says the girls are sick and they have to go to the dr. DF offers to take them when we get back, and says he will just keep them for the weekend (it was her weekend to have them but they agreed since she had them all week we would get them fri or sat) and she cussed him out saying how in her court papers it says she gets them this weekend and he better not try and take them. So they get into a huge argument about it and he hangs up on her. She calls back saying how SD7 has a high fever and she is sick, so DF offers to pick her up. This frustrates me so much, because it means SD7 will either go with us to my appt or he will take her to the dr and miss my appt. I tell him this, and remind him that the week before when SD3 went with us, all she did the entire time was complain, complain so much that DF almost didn’t go back in the exam room with me because SD3 was so bored/tired/etc. So me and DF ended up in an argument over the situation because BM is interfering in our relationship (when he finally did pick SD7 up, she didn’t even have a fever) and he says I don’t like his kids.
We got into a yelling match and he left to go get the girls, when he got there she had her court papers and said she would be calling the cops if he didn’t leave. So he did. He got home and we went to my appt, and things have been okay until last night.
BM called 7am yesterday saying how sick the skids are and how he needs to come pick them up and take them to the dr. He gets there and they have low fevers (100.3) and say their stomachs hurt, so he takes them to the dr. Right after he leaves I hear the firetruck go down the street and stop at her house. The girls have a cold, all they need is ibprofin and rest and they will be fine.
After they get home yesterday, they are all complaining that they are hungry, BM didn’t feed them breakfast and it was 3pm by the time they got home. DF said he was going to get some fast food, which I objected. Every time we cook or pick something up they pick through it and waste most of it normally, and I didn’t even want to think of what they would do when they weren’t feeling good. But he didn’t listen and picked them up kids meals from McDonalds, I took their toys and said they couldn’t have them until they finished eating, and since they never did I have three my little pony’s in my dresser. DF got mad at them for not finishing, then I got mad at him for getting mad at them when he KNEW they wouldn’t finish it anyways.
DF goes outside to change the oil in our cars, which was what he was going to do all day Sunday anyways. I’m laying down in my room and the girls are in their room, and out of the blue they start fighting and I hear someone get hit, and then I hear another hit, and SD7 and SD5 run into my room and say ‘she hit me’ both of them get put in the corner and start crying their eyes out. I hear a weird thumping noise and SD3 is jumping on DD2s bed, so now I had all 3 of them in the corner.
It’s like every time they come home from BM they are so messed up, they forget the rules, they forget how to clean up, they forget how to go to the bathroom (SD7 always pees on herself and SD5 has started going #2 in her underwear), they forget how to flush, they forget how to wash their hands, they forget their manners, they forget everything… except how to be a little terror and drive me insane.
Me and DF always fight about the same thing; the kids and how he loves my DD2 more than I love his kids. I wont even lie, the relationship he has with DD2 is so much different than the relationship I have with his kids. When we got together DD2 wasn’t even talking yet, he was there for her first and second bdays, and even though she still sees BD she calls DF dad and always talks about how she misses him and wants to see him. We got the SKIDS in april of 09, a year and a half after DF left BM. She didn’t allow him any visitations or even phone calls and she had a whole year and a half to brain wash them and tell them all sorts of nasty things about me and him. Once she finally showed up to court the judge gave him custody, and when she does see them, she fills their heads with all sorts of nonsense, she’s now started telling them how DF doesn’t love them and only wants DD2 and the new baby around. So all three girls are very standoff-ish with me, they don’t respect me, they aren’t polite, they don’t listen. So of course my relationship with them isn’t all flowers and puppy dogs.
I also feel a lot of anger towards our situation because I am the only one that works, with BM always in and out of the hospital DF can’t work because we have no idea when she will be in or out, and we don’t have enough money to have SD3 in daycare and SD5 and SD7 in before/after school programs. When school started I spent $200 on new school supplies, clothes, and shoes for SD5 and SD7 and BM spent NOTHING. I feel like I am doing so much for these kids and I get spit in the face for it. And since they technically aren’t my SKIDS yet, I cannot get any sort of help or assistance, or even claim them on my taxes. DF isn’t eligible for any help because BM wont sign the papers saying we have primary custody, and since she almost never shows up to court, we can’t make her.
- Stepmomtogirls's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I feel your pain!! Why
I feel your pain!! Why doesn' BM do anything for her kids??!! She would be better off signing away her rights as a parent and allowing these girls to grow up in a normal home, and to do it quickly before she screws them up beyond repair!!
I would get a court order to
I would get a court order to get the kids 100% of the time. I'd file an affidavit with every crazy thing she has done and how it negatively affects the kids. If those kids were with you gusy they would have potty issues, etc and would have a happy safe home. If she doesn't show up for court, can't she be found in contempt and she loses custody by default? I guess it depends where you live...but there has to be some way to make her sign those papers.
How does she keep getting
How does she keep getting away with this? Seriously, talk to your attorney and find out if there's a way to either push this through or get a judgement by default. She's obviously negligent as a mother because she can't even take her own kids to the doctor if they need one! Which I don't think they even needed one. A low-grade fever and sour stomach? Hell, that's fixed by taking a cold/flu med sold over the counter. HELLO!? And she'd rather her kids be sick than to let DH take them to the doc to find out what's going on? What if there really was something wrong? What would she do? Doesn't she drive? And I think DH should be working. If BM has an issue with being in the hospital, then it's her responsibility to find them adequate care while she's laid up. She's laying too big of a burden on your family. And, um, 'bastard child'? I don't think so. As soon as that divorce/custody is final, go over there and bitch-slap that woman. Just make sure the skids aren't around.
The judge keeps rescheduling
The judge keeps rescheduling the date because she's in the hospital, and she just always seems to get out hours after the case has been continued. What a coincidence huh? Even when her lawyer is there, the judge says he can't make any new orders until she's there. It's been over a year since this case was started and nothing has really come out of it.
Their divorce is in default, but we have to wait until they get the custody issues worked out before the judge will finalize the divorce.
She had a car, and for the month that she had it, she was fine, never went to the hospital was okay with the kids, and once she totaled it, she started being crazy again and in and out of the hospital. She doesn't drive and her new boyfriend doesn't drive. DF doesn't want the girls to miss school or any appts so he takes them, but I don't see how that is fair. I tell him to let them miss things when they are with BM so that we will have a record of how she doesn't take them where they need to be. (we live 2 blocks from the school, so its not like she could even say she lives to far to walk them). DF doesn't want to start working and then get called all the time about the kids when she goes to the hospital. Before DF got custody she was leaving them with random people and not letting DF get in contact with them.
They have court in two weeks and I am just hoping that she's actually there and something actually happens instead of just continuing it for 3 months down the road.
A 7 yr old peeing herself
A 7 yr old peeing herself and a 5 yr old messing their drawers? They become feral from hanging at BMs.
Maybe BM has a sickness. It's called Maunchausen's syndrome. Perhaps the judge can do something if it's show that she is full of sh**t. I included some info.
"People with factitious disorders, including Munchausen's syndrome, the most severe type of factitious disorder, feign or produce illness in themselves for internal gratification," says Marc Feldman, MD, co-editor of The Spectrum of Factitious Disorders and professor of psychiatry at the University of Alabama in Birmingham. They will deliberately lie about symptoms or hurt themselves to appear sick, he says, because they have a psychological drive to assume the sick role.
The attention and caring from loved ones and medical professionals temporarily soothes their psychological drive to make themselves sick. Once that attention is gone, however, they often feel the need to lie all over again to regain the attention. They differ from someone who fakes an illness to get a tangible goal like disability payments or a day off from work. This person is called a malingerer. The motivation for people with factitious disorders is all internal. They also differ from hypochondriacs, who are unaware that they are making up symptoms.
Faking Symptoms
The range of faked symptoms that some disturbed individuals will undertake is enormous. People will heat up a thermometer so it looks as if they have high fevers. They will inject themselves with dangerous foreign substances, or writhe on the floor in a mock seizure. Dr. Feldman describes a woman who claimed she had breast cancer. She shaved her head and lost 60 pounds by dieting to look convincing to her sympathetic friends. People who display this extreme degree of faking an illness are often said to have Munchausen's syndrome.
Munchausen's syndrome only affects about 10% of all people with factitious disorders. However, the Munchausen's patient is the one we usually read about in the media. People with this syndrome may frequently travel from city-to-city, telling tall tales about their illnesses. They may manufacture a host of illnesses over the years. One of Dr. Feldman's former patients first said she had deaf-mutism, then multiple sclerosis, then quadriplegia, then multiple personality disorder. People with Munchausen's syndrome will even undergo surgery or painful treatments just to continue their charade.
Some experts think factitious disorders and Munchausen's syndrome are similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or addictive behaviors, where people feel internally compelled to do things they know are not always right. For example, people with OCD may wash their hands 20 times an hour even though they know that their hands cannot really be dirty after such vigorous cleansing. A gambling addict may gamble until his life savings are gone. Like people with OCD or addictive behavior, says Dr. Feldman, people with Munchausen's syndrome know that their behaviors may expose them to the dangers of unnecessary medical treatments or surgery, but they feel unable to resist the unhealthy behavior.