First off it was when the cat had to be put to sleep - he offered nothing to my daughter or I in the form of condolences.. I put that aside.

Then on my birthday (which sucked ass) he not once said happy birthday.

Then, my cards (that I didn't open on my bday because it sucked - I just went to bed) vanished.. I didn't do it. Dh didn't do it. My daughter didn't do it. Pretty sure ss15 didn't do it (not his character).

Then last week DH and I get home and I notice the kittens scratching post is shoved in the corner. I pull it out and it's broken. SS12 has a habit of trying to sit on it and I have told him repeatedly not to do this. Sure enough it looks like this is how it got broken, but of course - you can't accuse if you have no proof (I think this is bullshit, but oh well). So Dh asks him "what happened to it" (ss12 was the only one home that could have done this) and ss12 tells him "oh, I fell on it and forgot to tell you guys".. I know this is crap and DH should too, but of course, since we have no proof - can't say a thing.

Then on Christmas we were all playing taboo and DH, ss12, my daughter and I were all on the same team - (ss12 wanted boys vs girls as usual, but grandma X'd that plan).. DH had two words that he knew I would know because of what we did that weekend so he says to me "____ you know this one - what you wanted to lay around in all weekend" (the answer was bed).. then the other one was "_____, what you were craving for dinner Saturday" (lobster)... ss12, got pissed and said something like "I'm not playing because dad is only talking to _____".. It was two words out of 12 we had guessed so far - seriously?

EVERYONE.... was like "jealous much?" He made himself look like a first class jealous baby and DH, grandma, ss15 and I all told him this.

Then later that night we all were getting ready for bed and my daughter sat by grandma (DH's mom) and ss12 tried to tell grandma to make her "get up and move" because he wanted to sit there.. She was like no, you can sit on this side of me and he got pissed and said "nevermind - you ruined the moment.."

A few minutes later I go and start telling everyone "goodnight" and give hugs - ss15 was fine, but when it came to ss12 he acted like he didn't want it, but I did it anyways and he was not happy about it.

I did it for a couple reasons:

1. because I am constantly being told to "kill him with kindness" and this is my new tactic - even though I know it's not going to work, my plan is to show DH and everyone else that this kid hates me and no amount of me being suzy sunshine is changing this. So I am going to "love him up" every chance I get even though I want to puke and laugh on the inside at how uncomfortable this makes ss12.

2. it showed everyone just how much this kid hates me

My concern is this.. every time, and I mean every time we either talk to him or change tactics, ss12 escalates things and I am afraid. I am afraid that because things are now getting broken and vanishing that this is ONLY going to get worse.. and DH is of the opinion that we can't confront him on his OBVIOUS lies, then it's only going to reinforce this crap..

And before anyone says "just confront him and call him out on it" - please save it. It will not work in my favor one bit. ss12 is a manipulator and knows how to do several things to sway things in his favor and cause dh and I to start fighting if I "go after" the little shit - like I rightfully should.

So I'm asking, for some advice here on how to fight fire with fire... I already know me being Mary F*cking Poppins is going to chap ss12's ass big time, so I need to be ready for his games, but in a behind the scenes way that doesn't get me in hot water by "reacting" to him the way I feel I want to..

Hope this makes sense!