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How many DHs feel this way? or have done it this way?

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 8:41am

So during a discussion, DH says that he is just biding his time until the kids turn 18. As soon as his legal obligation to pay CS to BM for the kids, he wants to send her a "Have a nice day and F*** off!" card, and has zero intention of speaking to her unless totally necessary. He says the kids should be old enough by then to communicate directly with him, and if they choose to have nothing to do with him because of the need to choose their mom's side, then he is fine with that.

Right now, he goes along to get along. He thinks that when they are 18, he can tell his "truth", his side of the story, and really doesn't seem to care whether they will believe him or not.

I don't know what to think. I know there will be birthdays and graduations and grand-children. It's hard to tell if this sort of intention on his part will mean more of a roller-coaster or less of a roller-coaster in those post-18 years...

Comments

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 8:55am

sounds like dh is tired of being an atm/doormat. i think it will do everybody good BUT bm for him to share his side of the story with skids

newmom01's picture

Submitted by newmom01 on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:00am

Be happy your hubby feels this way! My DH and I get along great except when it comes down to her and those medaling kids Wink and it has caused us to go to counseling because I feel they talk way too much, about stuff that has nothing to do with kids! She calls my husband whenever she feels like it and it upsets me that my DH lets her...but since counseling he has cut that down too so he is improving or just being super sneaky. I wish my hubby DIDN'T want to talk to his Ex

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:04am

Good luck with the whole "when they turn 18 I will tell my side " scenario. It didnt work with DH's oldest, all it did was give BM all those years to poison the kids without them hearing the other side of the story.
Then again, SS is a freaking moron-did it not look suspicious when 2 weeks after Bm moved out her minister boyfriend was paying her bills, and as soon as the divorce was final, she had a shiny engagement ring? Idiots.

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 11:12am

NN (my H) also is of the thinking that once his kids turn 18, BM will be completely out of the picture.

Nope, not happening. Although I was hoping that the skids would wait until after they were 18 to start having kids of their OWN, SD had her baby when she was 16. BM tried to grasp control right away and whisk NN away for the "grandparents bonding moment" with the grandbaby. When NN wanted NOTHING to do with BM - even seeing his only grandchild for the first time, she got PISSED. Now BM is in more control than ever. Because there IS no visitation set up for the grandbaby AND BM/SD never follow the visitation set up for the skids...

there will always be...weddings, births, graduations, etc, etc, etc that BM will be a part of. There is no getting away from that psycho. She is the "mother of the children."

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:46pm

OMG, you know I never even thought of that. When the skids grow they may want to have holidays at their home. Yeah, I see myself doing my own thing.

wriggsy's picture

Submitted by wriggsy on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 3:09pm

My DH says the same thing...sort of. There is no child support issues for us. When they separated, he told her that if she left the kids with him, he wouldn't ask for child support from her. She did, he doesn't and that's not changed in 11 years. The skids are 14 and 12. So, he doesn't say when they are 18 no more CS, he says...after they graduate high school, I will never have to listen that bitch again!!!

We shall see how that works out for him. I just don't see that crazy thing becoming silent just because the kids turn 18 (or graduate) and I don't see him magically telling her to f**k off just because one of those things happen either!

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:57pm

I can actually say that I know of two skids that discovered what their mother did....my sdad didn't tell them their mom was bad, their sm (my mom) didn't tell them their mom was bad. They figured it out on their own. My sbrother HATED my parents, and then he hated his mom in his teen years. He will attribute a lot of who he is today to my mom.

I will attribute a lot of who my daughter is to sbrother's dad- he was a wonderful grandfather. I will also say that without him I would not have accomplished the things that I have done. WHen I needed a net he provided it. I miss him greatly.

Anyway......yes DH is the same way (though our age is 21- or out of college). WE can't wait...... He has no plans of telling them anything negative. He plans on being himself (well without all the gaming situations that I posted about earlier). If he never sees her again it will be too soon for him.

Me??? I just wait until the day taht SD becomes a SM, that will be her eye opener.